131. Acceptance, is....

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Chapters

• 0:00 Acceptance and Truth
• 12:10 Strength in Acceptance

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

You guys want to know what acceptance is. All right, get ready to write this down. Acceptance is. Acceptance is that's the answer, just is. Quotation is Sounds so simple, but it's also deep as fuck. Acceptance is that's the answer. And so I'm trying to get to the understanding in all parts of myself, to something that is this is fucking deep and or seems stupid all at the same time. What are you trying to work through? Something that already happened, something that already is. You can't unhappen things that happened. Things already are as they are because it already is. And yet we're still trying to understand, we're still trying to control, we're still trying to grieve, we're still trying to concept, we're still trying to do all these things about things that already is. How funny are we guys? Nick, I'm glad you caught it. It's funny.

Speaker 1: 1:20

I laughed out loud with this discovery. I was like look at all the stuff we try to make our way when things already are Like that stuff. Like I hate that you did that and that thing you did two years ago, and that thing that you did there and why that happened. And these things and that stuff, like I hate that you did that and that thing you did two years ago and that thing that you did there and why that happened in these things and that thing. And you're like, wait a second, what am I trying to get to? The acceptance of things that just that just is.

Speaker 1: 1:44

That happened two years ago. I can't go back in time and undo that. That happened a long time ago. I can't undo that. All I can do is learn from that and grow from that. Hey, that breakup happened, mike. It was a year ago. That already is. That happened, man. That already happened. It didn't unhappen because you still had a feeling. It's just your heart hasn't caught up to your mind yet. It's like your heart doesn't know that that happened yet it already. That already is man. That happened. Yet it already. That already is man. That happened a year ago. Yeah, my heart's still trying to make up things though. Yeah, but it is.

Speaker 1: 2:19

So can you accept the truth of what is without needing to control things that already were? It's simple, but simplicity is genius. This is where the brilliance lies is, instead of us trying to control things that are. It already is and, when you can see it, it relinquishes a lot of elements that we try to force things to be when things already are. Even more ironic is the silliness of our ego to think that we're going to forecast how everything should be based on the past. Take that into account for a second.

Speaker 1: 3:00

I'm going to be a fortune teller for the future based on what I've experienced in the past. Well, what I grew up with and how I've been taught, and what I've seen in my life and what I've gone through. Well, how much do you think that we know in comparison to how much there is to know? Take a second how much would you really say I know in comparison to how much in the world and universe and existence there is to know? We know like less than 1% of how much there is to know, and yet we feel like we should call the damn shots based on what my emotions, my feelings, my anger, my loss I know less than 1% of what there is to know, and yet I feel like I should call the shots and control everybody around me when you can, when you can see these things that just are. I don't have to try to force control based on very limited information, and it's a very, very funny thing that we try to do. I'm going to yell at people, call names, make them do what I want them to do, get aggressive. I'm going to do all these things to force control, even though it just is, and we have to get to the acceptance element of what is.

Speaker 1: 4:17

Yeah, but they're not talking to me. How come they're not sharing with me? They're not being truthful, they're not being honest. Do you know why they're not doing that? Because you're so controlling, you're not safe to talk to you guys. It's the other way for all of these things, these things that are happening.

Speaker 1: 4:33

I bet you, most of these relationships, most of these relationships that you guys had end, probably would have had a better chance if we were able to have better communication Not all, but most, because some people just do some fucked up shit, so that's a fact too. Some people just do fucked up shit, so that's a fact too. Some people just do fucked up shit. But a lot of our communication that we look at things that broke up from misunderstandings or arguments you know well a lot of these things. If we were just better at accepting what is, then the conversations will go smoother. But we get angry because somebody did something that I don't like. We disagreed in a way. That's not cool. I reacted in a way to make them feel like they can't share with me anymore. And we've all done this, even as kids.

Speaker 1: 5:16

Why do you think we lie? Two reasons One reason is to protect. One reason is to gain and take. Two reasons. Most of us lie for protection. We either protect ourselves from consequence or grief, or judgment, or punishment or loss. We're going to protect ourselves from things. Well, the other version of things is trying to take from people. You know this gets into changing the story from manipulation, propaganda, leverage, approval, taking more from people stealing. There's those options too, but let's go into the protection element.

Speaker 1: 5:51

We lie because I don't want to have a consequence that's negative and I don't want somebody else to have a consequence that's negative, right? Well, that means I'm trying to control truth, and when I control truth, it means I manipulate everything. It's not because we're malicious or bad and no judgment needed. Understanding it's a brilliant thing we're doing. When we're lying, we're creating an abstract reality, but we're doing this as a means to control, and we need to control because other people can't deal with truth.

Speaker 1: 6:19

What I mean by that is why does a little kid lie to their parents? Because they don't want to get in trouble, right? Who took this thing Because they're in big trouble? Oh, I don't want to get in trouble, right? Who took this thing? Because they're in big trouble? Oh, I don't want to be in trouble, so I don't know. That means the kid has just created another reality where they actually have no idea who did the action that is being on the table. It's the accusation or the trial, if you will. This kid could be three years old and make a whole new reality, three years old. I just don't want you to know it was me. So that way I don't get punished because you can't handle the thing that happened.

Speaker 1: 7:04

Why is our kid scared to say I did that? Because you want to punish him without trial? That's you, that's our leadership. Our kid's scared to talk to us because we freak the fuck out when we know what truth is. Damn, damn, that's me. That's me. Way to go, pac leader. My kid's scared to talk to me and tell me the truth because I can't handle it without freaking the fuck out, grounding him, punishing him, shaming him or, you know, putting them down. Say you're sorry, no, say you're sorry like you mean it. Now go to your room, whatever the fuck that means. Just makes your kid feel shame for what? Telling the truth? We punish truth and we wonder why people lie. The truth is. Is we train people to lie to us? We did that. That's us guys. We train people to lie to us because we can't handle the truth without shutting down, freaking out, running away or over compromising ourselves and just cutting parts of us off so they can just be okay, or enabling we create liars.

Speaker 1: 8:11

But if we're cool and acceptance, we practice the radical acceptance of things that are my daughters all come to me before they go to their real dad and before they go to Andrea. Do you know why? Because I do not freak out, don't freak out, it's okay. I can accept something that you have to go through. That's hard and I don't care what it is. We've gone through difficult things, guys. We've gone through self-harm and cutting. One of the daughters is going through difficult things. We've gone through very young sexual interaction. Oh fuck, this interaction we have to talk about. We've gone through a lot of stuff. It's like that's level 10 stuff. Whoa, we're in some deep shit here and I don't freak out. This means they know I'm the safest one in the house. Not only will I keep you physically safe, but I can also be safe to tell the truth to, without me freaking out on you.

Speaker 1: 9:10

Do you see how we can pack lead using this system? We need to practice acceptance, not controlling truth. That just makes us liars, too. When we start changing what truth is and then trying to alter behavior because we can't deal with it, what lesson are we teaching? I'm teaching, I can't deal with shit. So if you tell me the truth, not only will life teach you a lesson, I'm going to punish you for learning. That's us guys.

Speaker 1: 9:48

So, being able to know what is acceptance, what is it? Acceptance is, acceptance is that's what it is. It just is yeah, but I don't like that. My kid did that. They already did that, though. So what do you want them to learn? Yeah, but I don't like that. She just said that to me. That's okay, but she said that. So what is it she needs? And what do you need? Like, these things are just okay. That happened, man, all right. What are you going to control Something that's already done? No, I just need to understand what's going on with you. You know what? That's okay.

Speaker 1: 10:26

We don't agree. I don't agree with a lot of the behaviors. I don't agree with it, but it doesn't mean I can't accept what is, and acceptance and agreement are not the same thing. If someone says red is the best color in the world, you can say I can accept that you believe that red is the best color, but I believe blue is the best color. We don't have to agree for me to accept what you believe. That's okay. I don't have to agree with you, but I can accept that's what you think, that's okay. Orange Good job, corby. Orange Points of view.

Speaker 1: 11:02

But this training on this, if you understand this, it takes so much pressure off of you to control what other people should do, could do, would do how it needs to be, what everybody should be doing. Because, I fucking say so, if we're doing that, boy, are we leading the wrong way? We make our pack afraid of us. We're not protectors anymore, but if we can be the ones who can handle the truth, we can handle these things. We're the first one people want to come to, not the last one. And let's be honest, guys, let's be honest, very honest. How many of us do we know we're the last one people are going to come to with the truth? We know, I already know I'm not the first one on the list. I had to work on this because I was also the first one on the list. I had to work on this because I was also the last one on the list for people, because I was the one who would most likely be.

Speaker 1: 11:57

What the fuck did you just say I was the first one who the tone would change real quick in a negative way. You got your fucking mind first one. That'd be the first response. Oh shit. I was telling you the truth, though, and we like what.

Speaker 1: 12:11

It made me feel what tough in control I'm, the. I'm the alpha. I can't even handle what just get told to me. It's the other way, fellas. It's not they need to do that, or else it's. We need to practice what is so. That way, people can tell us the truth without being scared of us.

Speaker 1: 12:32

We are protectors. We are the safe ones. Why are we the safe ones? Because we're the fucking strongest ones. This is not conventional teaching. They're teaching you to be vulnerable and weak. No, we are able to do this because we are fucking strong. I can handle more. I can accept. That makes it so. I don't have to control everybody, because I'm in the most control in the room. My responses make me powerful.

Speaker 1: 13:08

What is acceptance? Acceptance is yeah, they said that. Yes, their kid did that. Yeah, they got drunk at the party when they were 16, yeah, that just fucking happened. Welcome to the fucking club. Most of us were at those parties too. Who are we kidding? So we can accept. Yeah, you're going through things.

Speaker 1: 13:31

I had to do that stuff too. What did you learn? Pretty scary. Did you do it in a dangerous way? There's safer ways to do things. I'm glad you're safe, but fuck, that's terrifying. You will get in less trouble with truth with me than you will with trying to do dangerous things, because you're afraid of my reactions, and that's why kids will do fucking wild shit. Because I can't tell you the truth without being scared. You're going to punish me, condemn me, rip me a fucking new one. Well, life's already pretty fucking tough. All right, that's my rant. I hope you guys got something from that, because what is is a very powerful weapon to have in your arsenal. Acceptance is one of the strongest weapons that we have. It's the sword that cuts through all the bullshit. That already is the denial element. That happened. You're not at a war with what is anymore.