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The Battlefield Of The Mind
Introducing Rick Yee, author of the groundbreaking book "Everything is a Choice" - where he teaches that even the most complex decisions can be broken down into simple choices.Rick's unique approach is all about training your brain and raising your awareness. Creating the truly authentic, high-value person you were always meant to be. He's helped countless individuals make life-changing decisions and take control of their lives. Don't settle for less than you deserve, start making choices that empower you with Rick Yee's guidance! This is the way, the warrior's way!
The Battlefield Of The Mind
97. The One And Only Dry Creek Wrangler Dewayne Noel
Ever wondered how we might transform the world if we focused more on others and less on ourselves? Join me, Rick, creator of the Warriors Way mindset, and my insightful guest, Dewayne Noel, as we discuss the profound shift that can happen when we rethink our priorities. We'll explore the delicate dance of hard work, honesty, and kindness, and challenge the notion that success only comes from self-seeking endeavors.
Brace yourself for a compelling conversation that delves into the raw realities of life, fear, failure, and faith. Together, we'll unravel the complexities of personal growth and relationships, and the mysterious balance between risk and caution. Dewayne shares his experiences with faith and fatherhood, and reveals how serving others and self-forgiveness led him to find his true purpose. We also tackle the issue of forgiveness and the crucial role of honesty in our journey to personal growth.
Finally, immerse yourself in our discussion about the balance of masculine and feminine energies, individual choices, and the value of simplicity. Dewayne, a passionate horseman, explains how his love for horses inspired him to establish Dry Creek Wranglers. Discover how his approach to teaching horsemanship and allowing individuals to make their own choices has transformed lives. So, are you ready to challenge your perspectives, embrace new ideas, and embark on a journey of transformation? Tune in and let's navigate these intriguing topics together.
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What's up, warriors? My name is Rick. I'm the creator of the Warriors way mindset. Welcome back to the battlefield of the mind. Today I'm with this handsome chap I don't know what words we would use for this, but it looks awesome my new hero, dwayne doll. So if you guys haven't gotten to see him yet, like you got a few, a few things up for dry Creek. What is like that dry Creek, one that you want people to follow?
Speaker 2:The, you mean like the YouTube channel.
Speaker 1:Either way I saw dry Creek. The volume is our dry Creek motivation.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, so what we started out, let's just so. I started out where there was no dry Creek. I started a YouTube channel, and I had no intention for that channel to become what it is today. I just wanted to put out some horsemanship Advice for young people who want to go into the cowboy and wrangling lifestyle, and I wanted to have a little bit of a Legacy for my grandkids when I'm gone. I want them to have something they could point to and say hey, that's my grumpy right there. And so the channel did a Lot more than I expected. It went a lot further than I had any concept of it going. And then I started getting comments on the channel hey man, if you'll start a school, I'll come. So my wife and I decided to go ahead and start the school because there was so much feedback, and we just finished our second year and we're already fully booked for our upcoming third year. And it's just, it's all grown very organically. I've just been along for the ride.
Speaker 1:So I love this. So you have like the horseman advice for like cowboys and people growing up. I am really excited to give you this app opportunity to start sharing what values you would love to share with the world, like what values would you want to put into the planet today?
Speaker 2:Well, first off, I Think people today, they just need to chill out. Um, everything everybody does and maybe they've been doing this Since history, I don't know, but every position that everybody has, they approach it like it's a full-on battle. That's it, like it's an attack. Whether they're discussing politics or they're discussing religion, or they're discussing different sides of horsemanship, they, people, take it a direct attack if you have a different view than they do. So, first off, I would recommend and I have young people ask me Dwayne, what advice would you give me?
Speaker 2:To start with, my first advice would be just chill out. You know it. Just Just chill. You know it's a it's not cigars is killing people these days, it's stress, and you know you can't, you can't, change the reality of what the world is around you, but you can change how you react to it. You can. You can you have control over your view of it. So you know, the first thing I'd say is you know, just these up, chill out and then get back to the basics Hard work, honesty, being good to your fellow man. You know, um, just we, we've lost just the basics today, and so go back to the beginning. And that's where I, that's where I tell young people to start.
Speaker 1:I love it. So, even even with the golden rule and some of the basics, this is where people get just jammed up, because I Think that's a good advice to say, chill out. But your people start off at such an emotional level right now. How would you help people right now, in this day and age where people are so easily offended or so easily triggered, to help them chill out, like like I was? Like, oh, grandpa, I'm freaking out right now. I'm just, I'm so angry right now? How would you help him Like, hey, calm down, look at it a different way.
Speaker 2:It's not about you. Stop looking at it like it's all about you. You know I have videos where we talk about you know masculinity and being a man, and you know I just did a video on being you know man's responsibility in doing the hard things and taking care of his wife and taking care of his kids. You know, guys will say, well, what I need to do is I need to start working out and I need to get more fit, you know, to be able to meet Dangerous situations. Yes, you do. Okay, guys will say, I need to be able to do this, but then working out becomes about them and Getting into firearms becomes about them and everything becomes about them. And so then that's why people start taking everything so personal.
Speaker 2:But if you're going to work out, you're not working out. You shouldn't be working out so that you can be a better person. Now this is going to really just you should be a better person so that you're more, you're more able for those that are around you. So you become on a better person is not the end result. You become in a better person so that you can better help those around you, better protect those around you, be a better, better husband, a better father, a better friend, a better neighbor. So everything should be about those around you.
Speaker 2:Now I am when I know I have a social media presence, but when I'm not sitting on something like this, 99% of the time I'm I'm by myself. I'm not a social fella, I'm usually by myself. But the reason I'm by myself is because a lot of people start irritate me and Then when they irritate me, then I become Maybe not so nice to be around them and so I pull myself out of that so I can keep my my level headed, my calmness, my ease, so that I'm not so hard to get along with for the world that's around me. We need stop making everything about ourselves. It's not about us. There's a and it's human nature to be selfish and to be self-centered and a lot of things that are put out there today. For men, self-help. Well, the problem becomes when men get the idea that their self-help ends with themselves and.
Speaker 2:So just stop making everything about you and things won't become so personal I.
Speaker 1:Like that. So let me just recap this back the concept of self is to be able to serve Like work on you, so you can be better for everyone else.
Speaker 2:Right, um, well, I'm, so I'm, I'm a Christian. Okay, I'm a person of faith, and and, and you know, when I was a little kid, we they had this thing in Sunday school. They'd put up like joy, the secret to joy, it's it's Jesus first, j oh Is others, and then yourself. And people get the idea that if I put myself first I'm gonna find joy. We only find joy in service. Selfish people are not happy people. I mean, it's just as simple as that. Self-centered, selfish people are not happy people.
Speaker 2:And so we got a backwards view of the reason of why we do what we do today.
Speaker 1:Well, we run into one of the second oldest religions, right after God Would be. The next oldest religion is making a pretty big run these days, which is me, is them. Remember this. The reason I called the second oldest religion is because when you know, if we go Christian, that when Satan tempted, if he said, if you eat of the fruit, you will be like God Says, well, that means you're the one with the power, you're the one that's you, and so me is um turns into I want to be the one with the power, I want to be the center of the universe, and so now one of the biggest addictions that are happening is attention, and it's really difficult for people to be able to have that like serve other mentality when they are and, like Dwayne, you and I Can both attest it's.
Speaker 1:It's interesting when you start getting a massive amount of attention From like people we don't know, like strangers, we start getting a lot of attention from even a global perspective when you're like that wasn't my intention for doing this, but the intention starts becoming Attention. Well, there are people who can just get attention At the cost of their morals across, of their authenticity, the cost of their values, and get a lot of attention. Well, that makes it really difficult for people to serve others when it only becomes about them.
Speaker 2:One of the things that has helped me is I'm not old, all right, I'm 56, but I'm old, all right. I've lived Three lives in the last 56 years and so I can turn around and I have a very clear notion of the Raggedy man that I really, really am. I mean, I can look back and see. I have years of looking back and seeing the reality of my weaknesses and of my faults and of my failures, you know. And so when this attention started coming, it didn't start coming until after I'd lived enough to know that I know the reality of what I really am. And and so I've been around long enough to know that. You know, I get a lot of compliments and stuff on the channel and a lot of times I read them and I'm like, yeah, yeah, if you really knew me, you you wouldn't you wouldn't be saying that you wouldn't see it like that, you know.
Speaker 2:But you know, it's kind of a new thing today, I think, in our society because of the internet, because of social media. It's a, you know, it's another pitfall in front of mankind that we hadn't had to deal with before.
Speaker 2:Oh, very well said but yeah, it's a there's. There's a incredible sense of selfishness in our society and in our culture today, and Even more than even, like I was saying, even people that are doing good things Trying to better themselves, they're better than themselves for themselves. They're not better than themselves to be able to help others, you know so.
Speaker 1:It's. Your Observation seems correct, and it is tough because it's glamorized and glorified and people seem to want the attention other people have Money, power, fame. These things are easily corrupting and when you see people starting to get Attention and status for doing something that was supposed to be to serve others, I want to be a better protector. So I started doing workouts and doing workout videos and learning more, and then all of a sudden, people start going like dang, you look good and you're awesome. How can I be like you and you're like actually, maybe I'm better than I thought I was, you know and the humility goes out the window. And then they start abandoning all of their morals and values because they're getting the attention from strangers. It's an interesting game. Dwayne, I got a question for you. This is a hard question, so this may take a while. You said I've lived three lives. What would you say if we had to try to Quantify for you to explain what is the lesson that you've learned from each life?
Speaker 2:Don't quit. I Mean when I say I've lived three lives. If I were to take the time to List out everything I've done in the last 56 years, as far as jobs I have had, I've been in nine different countries. I've done a lot of different stuff, and the reason, one of the reasons I have done so many different things is because I have failed at so many different things. And and I'm at the point now that I look back I Look back at every failure is actually a success, because every failure taught me something and every failure Put me a little bit further down the road to where I am now.
Speaker 2:Every failure was an experience that I could gain Some knowledge from Knowledge of hey, that works, or knowledge of man I don't ever want to do that again, you know. And so what I have learned was is number one Sometimes just close your eyes and jump off that cliff. You know the experience, the, the, the experience that you have and the experience that you have, and the experience that you have. And so what you get from it, what you get from living life, is the courage to make the hard decisions, because some of those hard decisions actually took you places. You had no idea that you could possibly go, and then some of those hard decisions. I, I, I Hurt it. I don't know if that's the right word, but I'll use it and people can extract let it out.
Speaker 2:I hurt for men today who Went to the same school, went to the same high school, decided at 18 what they were going to do for a career, went to four years of college, went straight out of college into a cubicle and that's all they've ever done and that's all they've ever known. And a lot of them are satisfied with that and that's great. I'm not knocking it okay, we need people building like that but there's so much. There's so much that so many people have never experienced, have never learned. It's a huge world, it's a fascinating world and it's a fascinating life If you take the opportunity, make the sacrifices to discover it, to go live it, to put yourself to face it.
Speaker 2:So I would say, over all of this crazy life I've lived. If the one thing that I have taken from it is take the chances, hit the wall, blow through the curves, crash and burn and get up and go on and see what's over that next hill, see what's around that next curve. It might be something that you didn't wanna see, but by the end you saw it. Nobody else did, and there's something to that.
Speaker 1:I love the advice. I love the. Failure equals success, equals lessons and courage to make the hard decision. I also feel like there's a leap of faith that you even mentioned just go for it, you'll be all right. Whatever failure you have will not be the end of you. But that no quit. Now, the obvious thing that people are worried because worry is a byproduct of this is but Dwayne, I'm scared, and what about this? And what if that goes wrong? And then the what if? What do you have to say? What would your advice be for the people who are just still paralyzed by their fear?
Speaker 2:The fear is necessary. The fear. If you don't have fear, you're not courageous, you're just foolish. Okay, and the fear will keep you. If you will face the fear and go in spite of the fear, the fear will keep you from going too far in the other direction. Now I've had several young people come to the school. I had two different, separate young men come this year and they had really really good, solid, stable, financially successful jobs back home, back east, and but they weren't happy, they weren't fulfilled, and so they gathered the courage to just quit their jobs, sell everything, put what they had in the truck and come out here and take that leap. And both of them it changed their life. Both of them are I just, I just speak in those too, but there've been several, you know.
Speaker 2:But that fear will also that fear can be used as a balance point for safety. You know there are certain countries in this world that it would not be safe. It would not be wise for a 18 year old blonde bombshell to just take a little backpack and jump on a bus or plane and fly to and land. You know there's danger and there's you know. So fear can keep us from making very stupid, foolish decisions, but then, at the same time, if we control it, then we can gain courage. You know everything that you gain courage today from facing a fear and doing it anyhow and then succeeding in it. Facing a fear and doing it anyhow and then succeeding, you gain a little bit more courage, and so the courage is, it's a necessary, it's a necessary part of it, and so you can't let it control it.
Speaker 1:I'm glad that you mentioned fear, and foolishness and danger is real, but fear is not necessarily real. It's just something that could happen. Most like it doesn't happen. But understanding the difference between that is the hard part. I remember seeing a quote for courage. This courage is knowing that it may hurt you, but you're still going to do it anyways. Stupidity has the exact same definition and that's why it's hard.
Speaker 2:Well, I am a firm, a very, very firm believer in balance. I think when we get in trouble, 99% of the time it's because we're out of balance Now. So if you put fear in the equation, here's fear. Now we're either going to land out of balance on the caution side I'm never going to do anything because the fear tells me it could go wrong or we get out of balance on the other side and we wind up wrecked and anybody standing around us couldn't say, well, of course.
Speaker 2:Now, for example, I have really serious damage in Monday. All right, from a life of hard living. I've got plates and screws, I've got degeneration at the base of my spine, my spine is curved in the wrong direction and there's just all kinds of nasty stuff in there. All right. So for me, the balance is when I get a horse that is in a known quality, a young quality, fear comes up. If I come off this horse wrong, at best I'm going to be a paraplegic for the rest of my life, at worst my wife's going to be a widow. That's there. It's a very, very real thing Now. So I say, well, but I'm going to work the horse, but I'm going to work the horse from the ground as much as I can, but eventually I'm going to get on a horse and I take the precautions that I can, all right, but balance it. On the other side there's some horses that come through and I'm like that would just be foolish. I'm not getting on that horse, that horse will kill me. I'm not a skilled bronc rider, I'm not a young man anymore, and so there's the balance, there's the field, but the balance says I can handle this. And if I come off and hit the ground, the odds are that I can do this in such a way that I'm going to be all right. But balance on the other side. I look at a particular one and I say you know what, not going to do it. And we go through life, and I think I have to go through the same way.
Speaker 2:The fear is there and the fear needs to make us stop and say if the worst happens here, is it something that I can handle? Or, in this situation, if the worst happens, is this something that's going to destroy me? So you take these young people who, like, quit their job and sell everything they have and move out here, and so they can look at it and say, if the worst happens and it doesn't work out, I can come back home. You know, it's not the end of. I have a skill. I can go down, I can get a job Maybe it's not the job I want I can live in my car for, you know, until I get a couple of paychecks, get a place, I can pick myself up and dust myself off Versus getting on an airplane right now and say, look, I want to backpack through God.
Speaker 2:Okay, the fear is the fear, and so. But but now the fear? We don't want to pendulum the other way and say, ah, it'd be all right. We want to say, well, that's kind of stupid at this point in time, you know, and so it's. We want to keep that balance. We want to have the balance between the courage on the courage side, but not on the stupidity side. If that makes any sense, I think you're making some sense.
Speaker 1:It's just got a couple pieces, for the word balance is such a tricky word. I've done trainings on just that word and it's been very tricky for people, especially if you get into more than just the extremes which would be like mind, heart, body, soul or even wisdom versus experience. And so I can see you've got a lot of wisdom. And how did we get the wisdom? How did you get those those you know screws in your neck? And how did you learn which places are safe to go and not safe to go? And there's a wisdom that you have. That's really tricky for people to engage between experience versus how much you've been through. And I think balance is a very interesting word. What do you think? Yeah, it is.
Speaker 2:And your balance is not my balance. That's the other thing. That's the other thing. Your balance will not be where mine is Now. I have seven children, all right, my three boys are all cowboys, they're all horsemen. My oldest son's a firefighter, but he's a horseman. He's been a packer and a wrangler, all right. My youngest son is, I mean, he's a hand and I mean he'll get on, he'll ride Bronx, he rides, all right. His balance is not my balance Now. He's young Okay, he's. I think he's 22 now and over time he will get out of balance in some ways and he'll come off and he'll take his lumps, all right, and based on that he will find his balance. And I can't look at him at 22 and say, son, this is where balance is, because that's just my balance.
Speaker 2:My wife and I have been married for 32 years and we have a really good marriage right now and we have found our balance. But one of the things I don't do I do very, very, very rarely is people will write me and ask for advice on marriage, and I don't do that very often. I'm not a therapist, I'm not a counselor, I don't know both sides. All I have is a complete stranger sends me three sentences with a question. I don't know her and I don't really know. I don't know him and I can give them what my wife and I want our balance is, but that doesn't mean that's their balance. So these are things that. But you only find your balance by falling down, and so you have to find your balance by taking your fall. You can't always determine where your balance is by looking at where I fell.
Speaker 1:I love that sentence. You only find your balance by falling down. I think that's powerful.
Speaker 2:Look at a baby learning to walk.
Speaker 1:Go ahead. Yeah, I'm with you on this one. We're like I love that you like even a baby learning to walk, but even still that lesson that's even there from a child like quit being afraid to fall down, because nothing has taught you more than when you fail. And I think that when people do have a fear of failure, it's a really interesting fear because nothing has made you grow faster than when you lose or when you fail or when something goes wrong. You don't pay attention anymore than when things go really not, not the way you wanted it to, and so I very much agree with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And there's a but. And then there's another aspect of this too, and I've talked about this before in one of my videos. You take a baby. I've got five grandkids we had seven kids, you know and they learned to walk. They learned to walk at different rates, different speeds, at different ages, you know, and some of them they just get up and taught around, and some of them they'll crawl forever before they get the courage to do it, you know. But you get a baby that starts, starts walking, and they're, you know, padding across the kitchen floor to mom and they got just a diaper on and all of a sudden they start doing that. Oh, oh, oh, and they sit down on the bottom. You know, bam, they hit that kitchen floor.
Speaker 2:That is the most physically traumatic thing that baby has ever been through. I mean, think about it. They've never been through anything in their entire existence that is as physically traumatic as what just happened. Now we look at it and we chuckle, you know, because we've been through it. And then, as we went on, we've been through much, much, much worse. Okay, but, and so life for us when we get out of balance and we fall, a lot of times we think that what happened when we fall was like the most traumatic thing In the existence of humankind. But it's not. It's the most traumatic thing maybe you've ever been through, but it's not the most traumatic thing you will ever go through and it's not the most traumatic thing in the history of mankind. It's just that's what it appears to you at that moment and so, if you can understand, all right, this is the worst thing I've been through, but actually, in the spectrum of mankind and the spectrum of what my entire life is going to be, this is probably pretty small potatoes.
Speaker 1:I think it's great advice on this one. So all right. So people are going to be holding on to these things like my trauma is the hardest trauma and they really struggle with being able to have the perspectives that you're going out here. Now, how do we get people, in this point of view, to be able to take away from like this happen to me mentality, to be able to stop being so defensive or attacking people and chill out? I feel like you're on this path where you're giving people the right advice, but there's pieces that like I think you've got more here. Where's another thing that you see people struggling that, like this piece really makes a difference to really like to really pull it together. So I feel like you got a lot of wisdom in that.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I've tracked on that.
Speaker 1:Okay. So, like I see, you got fear and you got of taking the traumas and the hits and putting these pieces together. I feel like there's something here where you're like okay, here's how I teach people to do this. Do you put people through harder hits? Do you give them more opportunities to work out? Is it going to be conversations as far as working through traumas, like how do I get people started to be able to start using this immediately?
Speaker 2:Fun.
Speaker 1:Have some fun.
Speaker 2:So so I had a lady several years ago. Her husband came to me, said my wife has a horse that she's having a lot of trouble with. Will you take, train this horse? I got this horse and this was the biggest pain in the neck knob headed, stubborn, pig headed outfit I've ever had to deal with. And he was just, he didn't want to do it and he was very. This horse was very dominant, very stubborn. And I got him and I had him for about 30 days and I just got in there and I'm like, all right, this is what we're going to do. And I wrote it. It took a little bit because he's like I'm not doing that, I don't want to do that, I don't care about that, I'm not doing it. And I'm like, yeah, we're going to do it, we're going to do it and you're going to do it. And so I got into where he wrote we did Vine, and so I called her and her husband. I said you guys, once you come out Saturday, bring your saddles and we'll go for a ride. You ride your horse. When we're done you can take him home, Okay. So they showed up.
Speaker 2:I saw in that horse's eye when she put the saddle on her horse's back. I saw in his eye he's like I know you, I know you. And so we got on and what he did was he would kick out that's kind of hump the back feet, kick the back feet out and say no, I don't want to go, I don't want to do this. That's what he's been doing with her all along. And I told her. I said look, he's just bluffing you. If you step up your bluff a little more, if you step it up, he'll fold and you can ride him. And but she was frightened. She was like I can't. And I said okay, all right, get down. She got off the horse, I put my saddle on him, we took off riding. Well, I rode him all up and around and came back. I said now put your saddle back on him. It's fine, you ride. Well, every time she would goose him a little harder, he would kick harder. And I finally I said stop, stop, stop, stop. And I said tell me in one word, define to me in one word why we get into horses in the first place. And she said fun. I said yes, and it doesn't look to me like you're having any fun. And she said Dwayne, I'm not having any fun at all. And then I'm like then why do it? There's 20 million horses in the United States. You don't have to ride this one. Your personalities don't match, he's got your number.
Speaker 2:You forgot about fun. Take this horse home, sell him and buy one you can get along with, and buy one that you can go have fun with. We forget to have fun. You know, we, our children, get sour and get bitter because we forget and we take over away the joy and the fun of childhood away from them. People quit horses because it's it's not fun.
Speaker 2:And you will take chances for things. Sorry about that. You will take chances for things that bring you fun, but if there's no fun, then you don't see a reason, you don't see a purpose. I mean, you know, unless it's protecting somebody or something. But people stopped going to the gym because they stopped having fun. You know people, people stopped taking chances because they lost the fun of it, they lost the enjoyment of it, and I think a lot of times that's, that's the missing ingredient.
Speaker 2:I have to be careful in my work here because it'll become work, this horsemanship thing, and so there's. I'll go to the mountains with my boys and we'll go on a weekend trip with no students, nobody around, Just us just doing what we want to do. Why? Because I never want to lose the fun of horses. You know, I don't want it to just become an obligation, to become that scare, that danger I'm going to get butted off. I don't want to lose the fun. We lose the fun in marriage. We lose fun in raising kids. We lose the fun in our job. We don't enjoy our job anymore. There's so much in life that we just will not stick our neck out and do to a higher level because we just don't enjoy it anymore. So I guess that's what I would say.
Speaker 1:I love it. It's a good answer and I think it gets into some stuff these words that we have as kids, that later we try to force and define, and I think that it's really cool the way that you just explained that, especially the marriage part, where we turn love into work, and I think it messes it up really bad. And this is one of those things where I even got into I've done a training. Even today it came up when people are trying to search for happiness and they're like I really want to just find my happiness again. And you remember we had it as kids or we had it when we would play or have fun. And then what happened? Where did my happiness go? What happened? And if somebody's searching for happiness, do you have an answer for them?
Speaker 2:Happiness is a do. I think happiness is not what we should be searching for. I think joy is. Now, I define the difference like this Happiness depends on circumstances. Okay, I got a new iPhone. Yay, I'm happy. I dropped my iPhone. Boo, I'm not happy. Oh, but my iPhone had a case on it. Oh, so it's okay, I'm happy. I dropped it again. Oh, I'm not happy. It went in the lake, over the side of the boat, and I'm not getting it back. So I'm unhappy.
Speaker 2:My emotions fluctuate up and down because we depend on the immediate circumstances to define our happiness. My wife's in a good mood, I'm happy. My wife's having a bad day I'm not happy. Therefore, I must not love her anymore, because I define my love for my wife based on how happy I am with my wife. Well, your marriage ain't going to last. Okay, if your pole star is what makes you happy in the moment, then you're going to be all over the map, because circumstances are all over the map and your happiness is tied to your circumstances. I'm joyful in my marriage, regardless of whether it's a happy day in my marriage or not, because the marriage as a whole is a joyful situation and we keep it joyful.
Speaker 2:It's like here in Wyoming we had snow years. They wouldn't get near as much as we thought we were going to. I had to go. The day before yesterday I had to go to town and run some errands. My wife is 51 years old but she has not let age take away her childish wonder at the world. I stopped by the store on the way home and bought her a sled because she wanted to slay. She wanted to sled down. We got good hills here. When we get enough snow, the thing that we're most drawn to are future spouse.
Speaker 2:It's the first thing that'll drive us crazy after we're married it was that childish wonder of my future wife. That was the thing that most drew me to her. But after we got married for a while it was the thing that drove me the most crazy for a while. When I recognized the value of that and the magic of that in her personality, then, whatever situation, circumstance that that in the moment might look like, I don't let that raise and lower my happiness anymore, because the joy in the overall situation, that's what drives me, not the circumstantial happiness, but in the joy in the overall situation of life, whatever that entails at that moment.
Speaker 1:So I like that you were getting into the difference between happiness and circumstantial, but joy is going to be more of a overall mindset for people to try to focus on. Is that fair?
Speaker 2:It's fair and that comes down to others. You're only going to find joy in others. You're not going to find joy in selfishness. That's why happiness is so fleeting and that's why it's so. You can't depend on it, because happiness is what does this circumstance mean to me? Which is self, and so that's why happy people happy people are also can be immediately the most unhappy people, but a joyous person is a joyous person all the time.
Speaker 1:You mentioned this joy to also. You said Jesus first than others than you. When it comes to people who struggle with faith and that's really tough, but I don't need to get religious on it but people who are just struggling with that like connection to something more, even against fear, even against their own acceptance of self, or even joy or their purpose or what it is in life, how do you, how would you, give advice to somebody who's struggling spirit side? They're struggling with faith, they're struggling with understanding, not being selfish and putting God or Jesus first. How do you help them with that if they want your wisdom?
Speaker 2:I think we need to. You know the oldest question known to me. That's why am I here and you?
Speaker 2:As a psychologist, I know that something you run into all the time and you know religion, regardless of, regardless of the religion, okay, regardless of the denomination, the religion, it doesn't matter. The religion, basically, is what can you do for God so that God or what can God do for you? What do you need to do to get God to do for you what you want God to do for you, whether it be to take you to heaven or make you healthy, wealthy and wise, or whatever it is? I mean most religions, that's what religion is, but for me it comes down to again. It all goes back to I am not put here so that God can make my life look like what I want my wife to look like. I am here to glorify and to honor him, it's all about him, it's not about me. And so when something bad happens in my life, then, if I can keep the view, it's like look, the creator of the universe is eternal and I'm just a speck.
Speaker 2:And he was here, long before I came along and he'll be here long after. And it's not about me, you know, and there's a you know verse, two verses in the Bible says all things work together for good. To them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose, and as long as I understand that, yeah, it affects me, but it's not about me, and I understand that there is a God and I believe that there is a God and I live my life according to the truth that everything that happens is about him and for him. It's not about me. It takes that selfish burden away.
Speaker 2:It's not about me it's service gives us purpose.
Speaker 1:It seems like service gives us purpose and if you're able to serve God and here's something I found also when I was doing my own introspection for balance is I realized when I was writing down my own balance for not only my faith and my connection with God or what's more in this universe that my connection with God was all service based.
Speaker 1:And then I had that middle section of how I serve myself, which was the selfish aspect of myself, and then how do I work with others was also service, and I realized, for where I begin and where I ended was all service. It was just service in a different way, like one I serve to honor God, but then others I serve to be able to be of service to others. And it was an interesting thing that I realized how much of my existence as a man and as a leader was to serve and that gave me purpose and it made me feel fulfillment. And I think we're on the same page if we're tracking together that if you have a mindset of service, you don't have as much of this anxiety and fear around everything being about you, which gives people that chance to do that first lesson you said, which is chill out, it's not all about you.
Speaker 2:Right, right.
Speaker 1:I'm with you on this one.
Speaker 2:If I go ahead, if you were to say, dwayne, what is the number one disease in the world today? And I don't mean, like health science disease, I mean human disease. It's the same one. That's been from the very beginning and it's selfishness. Everything somebody does to hurt somebody else, they do because of selfishness. And a man needs a purpose. Okay, you look at a lot of lost, depressed men today who have no focus, who have no drive, who have no direction. That's because they can't figure out their purpose and you can't find true purpose in yourself, of yourself, for yourself. And we're here to serve. And if we're not serving, we don't have a purpose. And if you don't have a purpose, you have no peace, you have no direction, you don't have anything.
Speaker 1:I love this direction on this right now to go further into purpose than you're a father of seven and you've got grandkids and fatherhood and having children. I'm a girl dad. I got three teenage girls here. Like being a father or even a step parent in any gen, any, any, any area here. Raising humans and serving others is a tricky job. Now you've done enough where you've got some wisdom in this category and people struggle. I know a lot of men are like man, this is an important job. What would be some of your wisdom points that you're like, hey, slow down, remember these points, and how would you help just guys in general to be able to be better fathers?
Speaker 2:Well, um, so this was just on another interview I just had just came out. Um, I said raising children is like holding a wet bar, or so, if you squeeze it too tight, it's going to squirt out of your hands. If you don't hold onto it tight enough, it's going to slip out of your hands. It comes back to balance, all right. So to have that balance between setting boundaries and discipline and letting them make mistakes, is that balance? And as they get older, that balance shifts, okay, um, and so you have to have the courage to let them make mistakes, and you got to have the, the deafness and the wisdoms a step in a time and say, son, that's not the best direction for you to take, we're gonna let you take if you decide to go ahead and take.
Speaker 2:That's the hard part, but it's again. I guess I would say, if you want it bound up in one word, it'd be balance and understanding that from the time that that child is two years old Until they're 16 years old, the balance point shifts. It's one of the mistakes I made as a father when my children, from time they were born, I was very protective, I was very teaching, I was a very strict disciplinarian, but I did not adjust my own balance as they got older, and so it's balance, I guess would be, would be the the key that I would roll everything up into.
Speaker 1:I Got a joke that I noticed with people and this goes from my father, my grandfather, a hack, even myself, and you said I used to be much a very strict, disciplinary and very hard. I almost joke around about when I talk about the guys in my family. I grew up in a sparta lifestyle. We grew up in Detroit, which was not a fun area, and I talk about Old Testament versus New Testament.
Speaker 1:Us, like you know that young version of you who's like if you want to fuck around, you'll find out, like the old you who's like, oh, I'll bust you ass real quick. That old us, which Old Testament? Us, fire brimstone, I will rain it down. It'll be Sodom and Gomorrah in this place and if you look back I will turn you to salt like we didn't play. And Then now we get older and that balance that we're talking about is a little different, because then we're new Testaments like listen, I can forgive you and I understand and I'll give you some grace on that one. And you know what? Let's, let's just chill out and talk it out on this one. It's all right. You're like man, this is New Testament. I like this guy a lot better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that really and you'll find that really comes to fruition one day when you have grandkids. That's a whole different world.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's so funny too, how many of your kids get mad like damn it dad. Why, where was this when I was a kid?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, or the older kids With. You know, seven kids that's. That covers quite a period of time between the youngest and the oldest, you know. And so my oldest is like man, you were way stricter with me Then. You were with will and wills like are you kidding man? He was terrible on me and Ben's like well, you should have been me. You know so, but you know, I mean, we're all human. The other thing I want to say is forgive yourself. All right, dad's, forgive yourself. I mean I look back now at my kids and they're all grown and I and I told my wife just the other day I said, man, I wish I could re-raise my kids as who I am today, you know, and but it can't, you know. And I look back at who I was at times and how, and and I'm like you know what I did the best I could With who I was and what I knew, and I have to forgive me at times, just as much as I have to forgive you or you know whoever, because you can't.
Speaker 2:You cannot learn and grow and mature If you can't forgive yourself, and so, as a dad, we have to do that.
Speaker 1:And it was a word. It's a big word for people. It's. It's actually a skill that we have to train, expect. We go through acceptance, we go through honor and meaning. We go through all the pieces of this to be able to let go of some of the Curses that a were put on us, because that goes all the way into our parents too. I Mean I've done a great job, but that was the best that they knew how to do. Yeah, and can we forgive that? That was their best and even more. Here's. I got a question for you when you started having children. Were you like I'm gonna do a better job than my parents? That's one of my goals.
Speaker 2:Absolutely it's everybody's goal but, but I. What I did was a mistake I made, was it's like my dad was here and I'm gonna do better now. So instead of doing better in that to hear, my pendulum swung too far this way, you know. So I made my own mistakes, and my mistakes were just as bad as his mistakes. They were just on the other side of the pendulum, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:I think that's what's happened for most generation this time, right now, is people like I'm not sure I'm right now as people like I'm gonna do so far the opposite, and that created all new curses and we're like, yeah, damn it, you can't win, no matter what you do. And I think that forgiveness is very powerful is to remember that Everybody is doing their best Doesn't mean we're nailing it because we're making all new mistakes now, which is us trying our best right now. Do the old mistakes, but given some forgiveness in this category and I think there's a when it comes to this when do you think the hardest part is with forgiveness? Do you think it's with giving or receiving?
Speaker 2:I think that's different for everybody. I think that's that's individual. Share something with you, but for ourselves it's both sides of the coin, because we have to give forgiveness to ourself, but then we're the one that has to receive the forgiveness that we're trying to give to ourself. So it's, you know, I I think it's, it's double hard to forgive ourself, because we have to do the giving and we have to do the receiving. I.
Speaker 1:Like that you said is double hard. That's what I've noticed is the hardest part is accepting it for ourselves. You know, someone says like, hey, I forgive you, man, it's totally cool. Yeah, I still feel so much guilt or shame around this thing. I am right what I've done. And Like, yeah, I know that you say that, but I still know that I did a lot of harm. I know that that was really messed up. It's like no, no, I forgive you, we're good. God forgives, I forgive, we're good. You know, I still can't let it go. It's ourselves where we struggle to be able to accept forgiveness. And that's the hardest part for people when I work with them is they're also.
Speaker 2:Most people are quicker to give forgiveness than accept it for themselves too, you did if you did me a wrong, okay, no, no, no, I did you a wrong, okay, I'm just. I blatantly lied to you about something. Okay, and you say, dwayne, it's okay, I forgive you, but I'm still a liar and I lied to you again and I lied to you again. You know it's gonna be hard after a while. I know the Bible says seven times 70, but it's gonna be hard to forgive me because I haven't really changed. Okay, but if, if I, if you look and you see that I honestly Hated what I did, hated who I was, and I changed, that it'd be easier. It's even easier for you to forgive me.
Speaker 2:It's not just words, okay. The same holds true for ourselves. If, if we see what we did and we honestly turn around and face it and admit it and Change it I'm not that person anymore it becomes easier for us to forgive ourselves If we've gone through the effort and the change to not be that person anymore. And it's easier for me to forgive myself For times that I lost my temper in the past if I look at myself now and say, man, that guy really, really works hard at At changing himself and not losing his temper anymore. And so I think sometimes we have a hard time for giving ourselves For things that we do because we haven't really put the effort into not being that person anymore.
Speaker 1:I think that's exactly Correct. People are not trying to improve who they are, but still want to be given that free pass or grace Without any effort to grow. But if you are putting in the work, it gives you a chance to be able to actually go. Don't I did the work for the acceptance? And this is where, especially in certain dynamics, where, if you made that mistake and make it note, no, there's no Hiding this. At the moment I'm writing even this next book.
Speaker 1:When it gets to what is truth, everybody lies like and so there's not really a thing about this and we can even get into omitting. I don't share everything about it. Some people just aren't able to handle somebody unloading all of their information on them. So we pull back, or we'll deflect, or I'll just repress and push my feelings down and not talk about it. Everybody holds back. Everybody is going to not just throw all of their secrets and information out on everybody. Well, if that's the case, how much like should we really be holding somebody over the fire? I'm like well, you didn't tell me everything about everything, so you're a liar. Well, everybody does.
Speaker 1:We all have, to a certain degree of like, you know, integrity or Promises that we keep, or even just things that we don't want to create drama for. Even when we started, you said I got boundaries in this area. I don't share in. Well, I Don't require you to, but to say like, well, you didn't share everything with me, aren't you just omitting information? Now and now you're a liar. Well, those are things where let's give grace from the beginning. Most people lie for one obvious reason Aside from Machiavellian purposes, people lie to protect, usually protect ourselves and, or we've also lied to protect others. Have you ever seen like you know your best friend or somebody who, in a situation where somebody's like who the hell did this? I'm gonna beat their ass, and you're like, hey, I don't know who did it, drop it, dude, but you know who did it. We have those situations. I'm not ratting my friend out, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, but I think most of time, Most time withholding information. I don't think that's classified as a lie.
Speaker 1:What do you call it?
Speaker 2:If I don't tell you something, that just means I didn't tell you didn't mean I lie.
Speaker 1:Interesting. This is a slippery slope that I've seen people fall into, because if I told my girl I was getting. I was getting some food because I was hungry and she's like oh, that sounds good, what'd you get? I got a cheeseburger. It was delicious, oh, that sounds good. Now, I didn't tell you I was out with another lady. So since I didn't tell you that, not a lie.
Speaker 2:Well, the question was about food, it wasn't about you were with.
Speaker 1:She's a listen. I was out another day dishonesty.
Speaker 2:There's dishonesty, but there's a difference between dishonesty and a lie. So the this and I don't know. I hope it's okay, I keep coming, you know, back to this side of things. But you know the the Disciples came to Jesus and said, ah, so when's the last day? When is the last day? And he said Only the father knows that he ain't telling nobody. There's no dishonesty there, you know. It's just there's information.
Speaker 2:When my child, when a little bitty child, comes to you and says, daddy, where do babies come from? You don't sit down and explain the process to them. You know, because they're not. That information is not healthy for them, it's not good for them, they're not ready for it. And there's correct information out there that if you were to tell somebody it would actually be to their detriment. They're not ready for it. You know, and you know now.
Speaker 2:If you tell your child, well, a stork Flies into a window with a baby blanket in their beak. That's a lie. But if you say, son, when you get a little older, come back and ask me again and I'll tell you, you know, then you have omitted information that needed to be omitted. But you didn't lie to me. I never, I've never, told my children there was a Santa Claus. Never told them there was a Easter Bunny, never told them there was a tooth fairy. It's because daddy don't like, daddy don't tell them everything, but daddy don't come out and just tell them lies. You know Well I don't think it's a little older than I say there is a God.
Speaker 1:Then they're like well he lied to me about Santa Claus, which I can't see.
Speaker 2:And he lied to me about the tooth fairy, which I can't see. And he lied to me about the tooth fairy, which I can't see, and he lied to me about the Easter Bunny, which I can't see. So now he's telling me there's a God which I can't see.
Speaker 1:And I know he's lied to me before you know your, it's a slippery slope, you're right it was a tricky game on this one, because there's wisdom and know like what can somebody handle and what can somebody not handle Depends on how much then I share. Now I'm gonna throw it out there. I actually I haven't interviewed the Easter Bunny, but I have interviewed Santa Claus and he's wonderful, by the way.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, yes, I'm gonna do you make all. He didn't exist. He's the sweetest guy, he's super nice, so shout out to Santa Corky.
Speaker 1:But that's a real dude. I met him any case. That's like two episodes ago. You'd love him, he's wonderful. But I'm with you on this one as far as it's really slippery slope. And it is a slippery slope because then it gets into how much are we allowed to Trust? Or how do we trust when the dishonesty of omittance or deflection or even repression, even for protection and safety's sake, does make it hard to know? How do I trust somebody? And we're in a tricky area. Let's go.
Speaker 2:Let's go back to the foundation. What did we talk about? What is the foundation of a true man? In one word, so I've got, you've got.
Speaker 1:It's hard work, honestly, service, balance. I've got a few words that were like pretty important joy.
Speaker 2:Right, but but your, your everything, your purpose for everything is service, service.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So if you look at I don't tell you something and If you look at the why why did I do that that makes all the difference. I did not tell you something because my omission would serve you as Opposed to I lie to you because it would serve myself hmm, and so I think I think what a lot of it comes down to is what is your purpose? Are you doing? Attention Doing this to serve somebody else.
Speaker 1:This is an interesting thing, because then it gets into a hard thing. Because even if your intention is pure and your leadership is good, have you, have you run into the thing if you were to tell your your wife Babe, I can't tell you that for your own good that she's like oh no. Now I want to know.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to think of a particular instance.
Speaker 1:I know mine does not do well with that. She's gonna be like, oh, just tell me I can handle it. And then they find out they're like I can't handle it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well it's, and for me my wife and I it's a little bit different, because I have been in some really difficult jobs, like law enforcement, okay, and there were things I just could not tell her and there were some really nasty, nasty, ugly things that I was having to deal with that she didn't need to know. It would not have been good for her state of mind to know that this was out in the world. It would not have been good for her emotions. It did not serve her in any way to know this case, how ugly and and degenerate it it went and what I was dealing with, and so and she learned that after a while it's like he's he's protecting me and from Things that he wishes somebody could protect him from.
Speaker 1:You know, be honest, that's a really well way to say it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So when there's when things come up and I'm like, yeah, honey, look we just I don't want to talk about it. You know, let's just, let's just let that go. It's not a new thing for her, she understands. She understands my character, she understands where I come from on this and my viewpoint of my responsibility to her. And you know, of course, it's a different story if she comes to you and says, honey, does this dress make my butt look big? Oh, oh, now you're gonna lie to protect yourself. I.
Speaker 1:Don't know. I like big butts so I cannot lie. So if my girls buzz, yeah, I'm like hell yeah, baby, hell yeah, it's looking super juicy, absolutely I.
Speaker 2:Think maybe just delivery at that point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just delivery and you know there's a Lot of it is delivery. You can tell the truth and deliver it. You know, there's been times where my wife has cooked a new meal and you know, and it's been there in front of me and I've started eating it and she's like what do you think? And so I'm like, well, it's probably not strictly necessary that we put this one in the recipe box for later, you know. And she's like that was a really good way of putting that. I Appreciate it because I don't want to keep cooking it. If you don't like it, you know, but I wouldn't mean and ugly about it. And so, yeah, a lot of times it's delivery, sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like the way that you both have that too, because she also sounds like she's in a mindset of service also, where she was like I'm happy to create and cook, but I don't want to make stuff that doesn't work.
Speaker 2:Right right, she don't want. My wife doesn't like to cook. She's a good cook, but she cooks so that we can eat. She doesn't cook because she loves to cook. So for her it's like why am I going to go through all this work and effort and everything to cook something that he doesn't even like? You know, if I have to cook, I want to cook something that he's actually going to enjoy otherwise, because she didn't enjoy cooking it. So she just was enjoyed, me enjoying.
Speaker 1:That's a really cool thing too. This is what gets into like this, let's go into something that seems a little taboo for everybody. I'm enjoying your wisdom right now, so thank you for sharing. I really enjoy this. Let's get into this masculine feminine thing. This has been such an interesting conversation for people lately. The polarization Gets really hard because there's so much of this burden of beauty and burden of performance and you need to be doing hustle culture and you know success and grind and all of these things. How do we get this polarization right where it's like what is the feminine energy supposed to be? And I really do want your Perspective. I'm like, well, me and my girl, like I said, your personal experience, not necessarily the world, but here's how we do this masculine feminine thing and it's found the most balance with each other.
Speaker 2:It's not something I. Yeah, I really had to face a lot and I don't well, so I'm gonna be very controversial here. Okay, all right, this is, this is me, this is just me. All right, I'm not gay. Okay, there ain't a gay bone in my body, all right, and I'm figure, I'm pretty much a man. I'm a masculine man, right, I don't have any desire to marry another man. I. I don't have any desire to marry a manly woman. Now, the other side, with today, they'll get all up in arms and they'll say you're just threatened by a strong woman. I'm not threatened by her, she just turns me off. I don't need it. I've got that side handled. What I don't have handled is the feminine side. My wife and my daughter they've all decorated everything out for the holidays. There's definitely a really nice feminine touch through the house.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't do that and I couldn't do that. When it comes to the horses, we've got a herd of ten. We've got two dogs, and the students will tell you this when they come here. Mama adds a mothering, feminine heart and soul to the place that I can't give, that I don't have. So we balance each other out. Now, how in the world is a strong, dominant, capable woman, how is she going to balance me out? I'm already full, complete on that side. I don't need balanced. On that side, I need the heart and the soul that I'm deficient in. I need the feminine energy from my wife, because the male energy is all taken care of. I don't know if that answers, if that goes in the direction you want to go, but that's the way I see it.
Speaker 1:It's not the direction I want to go. It's the direction I want to go, and I think it's one of those things too, to draw in is when people try to judge and dictate where other people's attraction is supposed to be. When you say, like I'm just not attracted to guys, it's not my attraction, people will start getting judgmental and shameful. Like you're supposed to do, that You're like, but I love my wife because she's the way that I love, I'm attracted to that, and so this is where the world's become funny to say like, because what you like is in what I like. So you're bad, but she brings like you said look, we got our girls to the same thing. I have five girls in this house, dwayne, I got five girls in this place. They do their thing, it's not the thing that I do. They love that.
Speaker 1:Christmas is already up in full swing in this place. They were on it. They were at Halloween. They were already eyeballing the tree, the decorations up. These stockings have been up for weeks now. They don't play, they love it, they're excited, but they like that. There's an energy there that they do like to bring to this and it's a beauty to the place and it is a kindness and a soul that does feel good. So I can relate. But you know, I think that I think it's funny that you had to go like. I know it's controversial, it's not Everyone's allowed to like what they like and some people like that strong thing, but it is backfiring and this is why you're seeing, this is here's a fact for you. We're in a time right now where there are more women over 30 without children than women under 30 without children, and that's never happened in humanity.
Speaker 2:Right right.
Speaker 1:Nature likes young moms. That's a new thing. Like this has never happened. But women who are focusing on that career and a duality of personality because these women are, they're forged in new paths. They're the first generation of women who can just do whatever start a business, be a doctor, run a company like, be a lawyer, whatever they can pick any field, they can do anything you want. Well, I'm all for like hey, follow your dream. But it's coming at a cost to that feminine energy for being a good, you know, a mom or a wife, or the connection part where the kind of man that they want to protect provide preside. Well, it's not gonna be attracted to competition. They wanna find heart and soul, nurture love and compassion, empathy and warmth, and not let's fight, let's compete. Who's the most dominant, who has the hardest energy? Who's gonna problem solve all this stuff? You're like slow down, please. I'll take care of the heavy lifting. You make a warm meal. We're winning here.
Speaker 2:Right and so and you're right, you're I agree with you 100%. Okay, there are those who choose the other side and the other way. All right, there are women. There are women who choose the other path. Okay, I don't care, they're not my woman. They're not in my house. You know, I'm not gonna get up and say, hey, I mean, we have women come through here that are pretty well, I won't be careful.
Speaker 1:Let's just say they're tough.
Speaker 2:Okay, we'll say that they're tough. They're tough, but I've never had a woman come through here that was tougher than I am.
Speaker 1:True.
Speaker 2:Okay, now I'm not talking physically, okay, but it's my school, it's my place. I very much know who I am. I've got my rules, I've got the way we do things and if you don't like it, pack up your truck and leave. I don't care. I don't need your money and I don't need your presence. Now, that's not come up. I have not had to express that. Okay, I'm just illustrating a point. They're like that. They come here.
Speaker 2:I don't say, hey, you need to soften up a little bit, you need to be a little more. I mean, I don't do anything foolish like that. The way they are is. That's themselves.
Speaker 2:I don't let them affect and change my world. They come into my world, they're here for a short period of time. They live according to my world while they're in my world and I don't try to change them. I just don't let them do anything that I won't let a man do, you know and so. But it's them and they leave and they live their life and they do their thing and I don't try to change them. I don't tell them you're wrong. I don't tell them you know how I feel about it. I don't tell them my view on it. It's their life and as long as they don't try to push their life and their way on me and try to change and affect my little world, they do what they want.
Speaker 2:You know, and I think I agree with you 100% If more people would just approach it like that, because ultimately in the end, all right, nobody answers to me. At the end of this world, nobody's gonna stand up and give an answer to me. I've got to give an answer myself and I got all that I can handle right there, and so it's like you know what you got to answer to somebody else. You don't have to answer to me, except for while you're in my world and you start kicking over my flower pots in my world. Now you got to answer to me, but outside of this you do what you want. You're not my problem.
Speaker 1:Don't mess with Dwayne's flower pots.
Speaker 2:That's right Now because Dwayne has given an answer to Dwayne's wife about why the flower pots are still yeah.
Speaker 1:This is the thing that is in my head on this and this is, I think, if there's a world thing that we can put out there is don't forget that acceptance goes both ways. You know, if I can accept that, hey, you've got a lifestyle you want to do and that's fine and do your thing. I'm not trying to mess with your universe. Don't try to mess with mine. I can fully accept you for any part that you're doing, because, at the end of the day, here everyone's just trying to do their best for themselves and their families, just trying to do their best for their purpose or their service. I don't care what your approach is, I don't care what you want to be called, I don't care what title you want. Like, I'm not trying to screw up your game, I'm just trying to help you do better and don't try to screw up my game. And help me do better, and everyone's going to be fine. I don't care what your approach is, because I also have the same ending as like at the end, like I'm going to go like hey, god, I told everybody that they were wrong and they were bad, and I was right and they were wrong.
Speaker 1:And he's like can you read when Jesus came down and said don't do that. It's a sermon on the mound, man Matthew seven, just didn't you even read when he said that Just not your job. Your job is to just love on people. Remember love God first and then love your neighbor as you love yourself. Just do those. And I don't see anywhere in there where you say everyone's going to hell and everyone's a piece of shit. I don't see that in there.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Well, when you go into a courtroom, you guys do your thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When you go into a courtroom. There's a defendant, there's a prosecutor, there's the defendant's attorney and there's a judge. And then there's a lot of spectators, but there's only one judge. There's only one judge, and the judge will get mad. The judge will get mad if any of the others get up and start trying to take his job and do his job. That's not their job, that's his place. It's nobody else's place. And so for me, in my faith and my belief, there's one judge, and it ain't me, it ain't me. And so, like I said, I've got more than enough that I have to deal with and that I have to square away in myself than trying to square you away and trying to tell you you need to stop this, you need to do this, you need to do that. Man, my plate's already full, I don't need to eat off your plate.
Speaker 1:It's a lot easier if, instead of me telling you how to do things and what you should do and you're wrong and you're bad, what you do is evil and horrible and you should go to hell and you're a terrible person and you don't deserve this and you don't deserve that Maybe we should just go back to what you were saying before to saying how can I serve?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean there's a truth. There's truth in scripture. I mean, god set down rules and guidelines, all right, but those are God's rules and they're God's guidelines. Now, I believe the purpose of men of God and I do believe there are men of God out there their purpose is to simply tell us hey, god said this. Now, if you choose to ignore it, that's between you and God. All my job is is to tell you that God said this and God said if you do this, this is a result. God said this makes me happy, this makes me unhappy. Now, I'm just letting you know. And so even those guys are not the judge, although they try to be a lot.
Speaker 1:Those ones will mess it up and try to be, because even that's not their job either. But I think the point of the way that we're built on a big part of it is free will is not in a mistake. I don't think that God screwed that up. Free will is a really big part of this game. That's why my first book is called Everything is a Choice. Being able to say I understand that free will wasn't an accident. We get to make decisions here, and they do matter, and so you got to pick your side. You have to pick where you stand and pick the kind of person that you're going to be.
Speaker 1:It's interesting that people will use God as an excuse to do the things that God said not to do, and it is a choice they can make. But at the end of the day, there's just one judge and he gets to decide, and so I'm just going to do my best to not take on other people's jobs and do my best to serve, try and maybe as humble, unselfish and joyous as I can possibly be, to pull as many people out of hell, so we can have at least those connections and those moments for even those situational happiness, because inside of us. There's all these opportunities to be able to find good. We're so busy judging and shaming each other for not thinking the way I think you should think we're missing some pretty heavy opportunities to connect.
Speaker 2:Well, my whole, like the horsemanship thing, my whole thing, from the very start is like here's a way to do this. Now, if you see it and you figure it and you look at it and you say you know what I want to do that differently, you're not going to get angry for me.
Speaker 2:All right, I showed you. Now you have the free choice. It's like I just uploaded one of my poems on Instagram and I said that love demands you have to have the choice to not love. And unless you can choose to not love, unless you have that choice, then you can't love. Unless you choose between loving or not loving this person, you can never really love them. There has to be a choice, and so I choose to let you choose and I'll tell young men this whole channel thing. It's about advice and counsel and encouragement, but I never get on there and say this is what you have to do, you've got to do this. I'm like look, here's another choice. If you look at this choice, all right, look at this choice and then you decide what choice you want to make, because if I don't give them the choice, they'll never grow into manhood, because they chose to grow into manhood.
Speaker 1:I think you're exactly on the right path, and this is something I've seen for the difference with people who are very good in this industry and the people who just are in it so they can talk. And there is a difference, because whenever I work with real clients, I really do work with hundreds and hundreds of men. I've had women's groups and worked with women, and our job is to show the way, not to tell you what you need to do. Like. Here's the path that gets you towards the goal that you want, and this is the one that has the highest likelihood of success, because it's worked over and over for others. You can do this or you can do it the way you've been doing it. The world goes on either way, but now you at least know that there's a choice that you didn't know before. Exitically Watching you with this cigar makes me wish I had a cigar.
Speaker 1:Like I feel like I'm missing something here, like I should also be doing like a thing. It's like I don't know. The whole thing just works, man, it's just a cool look.
Speaker 2:Well, I, just for me. So I used to be the scratchiest, most tightly wound, barely controlled volcano you've ever met in your life, and I got to the point where I'm like I don't like me anymore. I didn't like who I was, my wife didn't like who I was, my kids didn't like who I was. I mean, I was a very unlikable person and I'm like I need to chill. I need to fundamentally change who I am, and so I started taking massive amounts of things and people out of my life that were keeping me ginned up all the time and I started looking for things that was chill, and there's not much more chill out there than smoking a cigar or a pipe. It's time and it gives you a chance to pause and to think before you say something stupid. And in this society where masculinity is under attack, it's also kind of a you don't like that? Well, tough you. I'm going to do it anyhow, because I want to and because a huge chunk of society says you should do that, so I'm going to do it.
Speaker 1:I like the defiance calms you down. I love it. So it calms me down to tell you a tough you, I'm doing it anyways. Also, what a good excuse to slow down and give yourself a chance to think about what you want to say. I need a thing that does this. I love the idea. I need a thing that's kind of like hmm, and it's completely acceptable. Yeah, fantastic, yeah, this is my whole place would reek in no time. I do not have the setup for that, but I definitely respected immediately.
Speaker 2:So I am in a small. There's a very small one room separate building here on the ranch that used to be called the lunch house. This ranch was built in 1898. So this building was called the lunch house. So when all the cowboys from the ranch in midday come to eat lunch they wouldn't be trooping into the house maneuvering everything under boots, so there was a building out here. They'd come out here and eat lunch. So it's one room. There's a wood stove and I turned it into my tack room. It's got all my saddles and my tack and gear and everything, and so I put a roll top desk out here. It's where I do my writing now. And I got the wood stove and this is, and yet it smells heavily of cigar in here, and I love it. Cigars, leather, wood smoke oh, oh, oh, oh oh.
Speaker 1:It's very manly, that's right. Oh, it's so good, man, I really enjoy that. What do you think the value is? I got something that's important. I teach all of my men, every single person that I work with, is that the value and importance of writing? And you said I've got my own desk now where I do my writing. What wisdom would you give to just reinforce, like guys out there, if you're trying to figure out, get a notebook, get a pen and write. And what are some of the experiences that you've had in this exercise?
Speaker 2:So much of what you're trying to figure out about yourself is locked inside of you. All right, you can't see it because it's. So let's see. I saw an interview the other day. I saw an interview with Elon Musk the other day and he said people would not want to be in my mind. They would not want to be in my brain because it's a constant storm and a lot of times that's a lot of us. All right.
Speaker 2:But if you take a thought and write a thought down on paper, you have taken that thought and you have pulled it out of the storm and separated it from the chaos and you can look at it and you can judge it separately and independently of itself and you know talking. That's why talking I think I don't know, I'm not a therapist and I've never been to therapy, but I think a big value in it is you say something and you hear yourself say it and you're like that sounded a whole lot better in my head before it came out of my mouth. Now that I separated out and I speak it and I hear it verbally, that's just dumb, or oh duh. Now I know what my problem is, because I think the writing it takes from the chaos. It takes a particular idea and puts it down by itself and you can look at it and judge it by itself, for itself. I think that's a big part of what writing does.
Speaker 1:It absolutely does. One thing when I'm working with people all the time is people use this term I overthink, I overthink, I overthink, I overthink, which I would equate to that being the storm Like I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I said you're not overthinking. Your brain is amazing. You're not overthinking, you're just under deciding. And if you take them and separate the things, the decisions become a lot easier.
Speaker 1:And so a lot of times, people do what I call just rhetorical questions. They'll ask questions that if they actually answered, they would really figure something out about themselves when they go like, oh God, everything's going wrong. What's the point? What's the point in all of this? And I said slow down, answer the question. What is the point? What are you doing all this for? What is the reason you're doing this? Why are you riding this horse that keeps trying to buck you off and it doesn't work for you? What is the reason you're doing this? It's a good question. What's the point? And sometimes it's just because you're supposed to have fun, but you forgot to answer the question and that's why you keep trying to do the same thing over and over again, as though you're rhetorical is somehow already an answered question.
Speaker 2:Well, we get a horse in, okay, you're exactly right. Okay, so I get a horse in and this horse doesn't want. So we got a small arena out here, really small. All right, you unload the horse in that arena on the horse right there and the horse, his head is way up and he's looking out over and he's running around and he doesn't want to be caught. And then he's, and you go and you catch him and he's broke to ride, but he don't want to stand for the saddle. He doesn't want to. You get on him and he can't be. Still, he moves his feet, he moves around, he doesn't listen to the bit, and so people will try to address each one of these issues all at the same time, but I'm like no, stop. All of these issues have one or issue. Simplify it down. What is this horse's problem?
Speaker 2:Now, if we, if we find out, if we figure out this horse has a basic lack of respect, we answer the simple question what is the one thing that's causing all this stuff in this horse? Is it a lack of respect? Is it fear? Is it ignorance? Because he hasn't been trained? Has he been fed too much sweet feed so he's all jacked up on sugar and molasses and grains and high protein, and so it just wigs his mind out. There's one particular cause for all of this, and so, instead of asking 20 questions, why won't he let me catch him? Why does he fight the bit? Why will he not stand still for me to get on his back?
Speaker 2:These are all individual questions, but if we stop and say, what is this horse's underlying problem? Well, his underlying problem is he's overfed and underworked. He's like a six year old child that you fed him three pop tarts and a red bull for breakfast and you wonder why he won't sit down and do his math. And so this is the basic problem. This will simplify it. We will determine and define the basic problem that's causing all these other. I like to say life is only as complicated as we make it, and so, instead of answering all these questions, answer the one question that's causing all these questions, and so that's how I approach it.
Speaker 1:You have found I found the same thing that simplicity is genius when it comes to how to work with Like. You use the analogy of this horse here, but it's the same with people, and when I start working with people, we want to address all the symptoms. But it's not the symptoms, it's the cause, it's the root and oftentimes it's in loss. It's going to be something that happened that was really difficult to deal with, that they don't know how to process, and so if you can get to that base piece, we can then go through the feelings that go to the belief systems, that go to your identity, and we can rework that belief around that loss by getting rid of the piece that you're holding on to, and then you're able to work through it. But a lot of times people are going into like, why don't like that symptom, I don't like this thing, I don't like that behavior, I don't like these, and like hold on.
Speaker 1:What is it that's missing? I like the pop tarts and red bull Like it's. It's a good analogy, but that's where people are at right now and that's even with medication People are highly medicated.
Speaker 2:There's a tree in South America that the sap is acidic, all right. If you ride under this tree at a certain time of year and the sap drips on you, it'll burn you. Now, if you put a limb off, the limb just going to grow back with the same acid. All right, the same sap. If you cut all the limbs off, same thing's going to happen. You have to find the root. You've got to cut the root. You've got to cut it at the root. And so many times in our life we're cutting limbs off because the acid is burning us but the limb just keeps growing back because we never get down to the root and remove the root. So the limbs quit growing back. We've got to find that root.
Speaker 1:And that's why we have to write. We write it before we fight it, and I love it. I think this is a really good analogy and I hope that people take to heart. Like you're maybe asking questions but not looking for the right solutions and a lot of times people will think they'll know the advances are made by answering questions, but the discoveries are made by questioning the answers and a lot of times we're not asking like, well, why did you think that? Or what is that really there for? To get to our roots, I think this is great advice and I really do.
Speaker 1:I really do honor this advice too, because this is where I think people right now are overcomplicating things by distractions and deflections, by, you know, getting too hopped up on not only the different foods that we're eating but the medications that we're taking. There's a lot of excuses, there's a lot of justification. The addictions that we have in this life not just like with drinking or with drugs, but also with addictions to like we've noticed in this world the attention, the glamorization of poor behavior, the me-isms. It's an interesting time where people are having a hard time identifying the core and this is why I have job security at the moment is because they don't know how to find it with all the noise. And, just like you too, if somebody comes in with a misconception that they need to address every single thing instead of the main thing, they're going to be doing this for a long time, right, dwayne? Let me just say this has been a very fun and honored. It's an honor to have this interview with you, man. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for the invite and thank you for having me and giving me the opportunity to just flap my gums, you know, and just I appreciate it. I thank you.
Speaker 1:I really would be honored to do it again, like this has been really cool, and I want to be able to go through some like I got some hard topics in the future that I would love to like team up with you on. I think that your wisdom is needed today and very, very valuable, and it keeps it simple but powerful, and I really I find this to be one of the most pleasurable ones, like I've been able to have a great experience with you, so it's such an honor. I really appreciate you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I appreciate it. I've enjoyed it as well.
Speaker 1:If I can serve in this way. I know that this class is booked up, but for future classes and for people who are like man, this is my guy. Where can we send them so they can sign up for the next class or be the next school that you're going to be doing? Like, how can I serve you to have more people know who you are and how to get in touch with you?
Speaker 2:Well, we have. We have a website and it's wwwdrycreekranglers, and that's plural, it's wranglerscom, and so the information about the school, the phone number, all the signing up, you know, come from that website. Anybody that's not familiar with the channel, by the way, I think today, probably, if I check now, we hit 900,000 subscribers today. Oh, so you know, everything that we have, everything we're doing now, has sprung out of that channel and that's dry Creek Wrangler on YouTube. If they want to check that out and my wife has a channel, it's quite a bit smaller, she didn't post near as much, but that's dry Creek Mama. She's got things on there from the women's perspective. So you know any of that, if you know, if anybody wants to go and check out any of that, that's where they can go.
Speaker 1:Hell yeah, and they should go. So go, hit the buttons on his stuff like subscribe. Do all the things you guys know what to do. Dwayne, thank you brother. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. This has been awesome and we are going to need to do this again.
Speaker 2:I agree. I look forward to it. I'll be happy to.