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The Battlefield Of The Mind
Introducing Rick Yee, author of the groundbreaking book "Everything is a Choice" - where he teaches that even the most complex decisions can be broken down into simple choices.Rick's unique approach is all about training your brain and raising your awareness. Creating the truly authentic, high-value person you were always meant to be. He's helped countless individuals make life-changing decisions and take control of their lives. Don't settle for less than you deserve, start making choices that empower you with Rick Yee's guidance! This is the way, the warrior's way!
The Battlefield Of The Mind
132. How To Love Like A Warrior
What does it mean to truly connect with someone in today's fast-paced world? Join us as we uncover the secrets of building healthy, enduring relationships. We start by exploring the struggles many face in forming meaningful connections, discussing everything from effective communication to the power of physical touch, particularly for those who speak the love language of physical affection. Dive into our practical tips and heartfelt stories, and hear from our listeners who share their own experiences and questions, all aimed at enhancing our understanding of love and partnership.
Ever felt the sting of "I love you but am not in love with you"? We tackle this emotional quagmire head-on, offering insights into generational behaviors and how they shape our current relationships. We emphasize self-awareness and the importance of treating your partner with the utmost respect and love through actions, not just words. Our conversation reveals methods to overcome past hurts and highlights the significance of continuous self-improvement and accountability in expressing genuine love. Through personal anecdotes, we illustrate the power of healing and understanding your partner's emotional needs, helping you navigate the complexities of love.
Finally, we wrap up with an exploration of self-love, mutual respect, and the boundless impact of small, thoughtful gestures in nurturing a relationship. We stress the importance of personal growth and unwavering support, ensuring that love is expressed consistently through actions. Our final segments are a call to action, urging you to embrace kindness, personal growth, and the resilience required to build strong, compassionate partnerships. Tune in for an episode brimming with wisdom, empathy, and actionable advice for fostering enduring love and loyalty in your relationships.
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It looks like we're live.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Three, two, one.
Speaker 2:Just give it a little bit of time.
Speaker 1:Sure baby, All right, Looks like my camera's screwed up a little bit. My love. Scoot, scoot, scoot. Hey, now let me get you in focus, because the camera's set to a certain length, so I just want you to be in focus. Yeah, all right, good, all right, get ready. Thanks, all right, good, all right. We have people jumping in. Good to do our thing today. Yeah, good to see you guys, people jumping on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're going to wait just a moment for some more people to jump on, so if you want to tap the screen or not, doesn't matter either way, but um that way, it brings more people to our page, so we can share the topic tonight, which is about love we're gonna talk hard side tonight yeah, we're gonna talk hard side we gotta balance it out you say I'm like love and he's like hard side yeah, you gotta be like love and people that got like hard side.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got to be like love and people are like, oh, bullshit, skip Out of here.
Speaker 1:Fuck this, fail People. Fuck you. Fuck you. Divorce Yep, love sucks yeah.
Speaker 2:Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Today's society can't find love anymore, we know.
Speaker 1:We know no healthy way, because people are trying to figure out how to have healthy relationships, trying to figure out how to share with each other, how to be able to have better conversations, how to be able to connect, how to be able to have a better life with each other, and they don't know how to do it. Because the reality is is we're forecasting the future off of the past of people who didn't know how to do it either. If our parents had it, they didn't teach us how to do it right and most of them, well, they didn't know how to do it right either. That was the trouble, that was the problem. So we're going to go ahead and show you guys how it's done today. We're going to do it with you and or for you. If you have your partner with you, it'd be good time to be able to spend some time with your partner for this one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you don't have your partner with you, go find them and grab a notebook.
Speaker 1:Get a notebook we're going to go in today. We're going to go into the part that's missing in the relationships and I want you guys to interact too. If you have a relationship question today that you're like, yeah well, how come we're missing this thing? Now I'm going to tell you the truth. Now, some of you aren't ready for that. That's the reality to it. Some of you aren't ready for the truth. Some of you want it to be you. You want you to be the problem, because then you can start working on it immediately. So we're going to get into those things. Those numbers confuse me. I thought the hearts were the viewers.
Speaker 2:Oh no, messes me up. Yeah, it'll go, it'll kick off, mick Bond, how you doing what's?
Speaker 1:up Mick.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That beard, though. What's up? Agent, agent scarface. Yeah, appreciate you, bro. All right, let's do the thing today, this thing's so high on me today I'm gonna lower this yeah, wait for people to jump on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we missed you too. How are things? I think the last time we talked you're getting ready to go on a trip oh yeah, he was doing some stuff yeah, I don't know why I remember that, but I do oh it's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, glad you caught us too.
Speaker 2:Tonight's topic is heart heart side.
Speaker 1:I love like a warrior, I love your person. Oh, this is going to be so good.
Speaker 2:So if you guys have your partner at home, grab them up and grab a notebook and let's do it.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about the missing pieces. Yeah, how can one love like a warrior if he can't give the woman 1K every day while she's cheating? What kind of question is that?
Speaker 2:I'm not sure.
Speaker 1:Does that make sense to you? Read it for me, maybe I'm missing something.
Speaker 2:How can one love like a warrior, if he can't give his woman a thousand?
Speaker 1:dollars every day while she's cheating.
Speaker 2:What? That doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:Reword it for me. Maybe you mean it differently. Try it differently, because I don't. We've read a few couple a few times and I don't think I understand the question.
Speaker 2:Also, it could be someone that's just messing around. Could be too if you're messing around.
Speaker 1:Either way, we're trying to give the benefit of the doubt if you're on troll. If you're trolling, we'll help, we'll deal with it, but if you really have a real question, I think that this is weird. How does somebody love if I don't give you a thousand hours a day for cheating? Yeah, tracks learn with you.
Speaker 2:I don't. I don't think that was adding up, yeah we're trying for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah exactly all right so yeah, let's get started, all right let's get your people.
Speaker 1:If you're with your person, let's get into some stuff here. First off, um, there's a lot of missing elements that we have for each other, especially you know what. We're going to do. Something Just so you guys know the entire time that we're here, we're touching. If you're with your person and you have somebody who's a touch love language. We did the love languages thing. We talked about the video the whole time. If you see my arm over her, it's because I'm touching her. My arms are not over here. I am touching my girl. She is touching me. We are touching the whole time. Why? Because I'm deeply in love with this woman. I love her. It's a safety thing. It's a security thing. She knows that I've got her. She is okay. I am happy to protect and honor and make sure she is good. She knows that she is safe and I love her. Touch your person.
Speaker 1:If you're the kind of person who likes to say, don't touch me, what kind of love are you showing? How do you show love? This is a very difficult question that I want you guys to answer, and this is one, if you're writing things down for those of you who have the courage to face yourselves. How do you love is a very interesting question. Now we think how we love is a thing that we do Like. It's like oh well, I sometimes I make their lunch or sometimes I pay a bill or sometimes I do a thing. Those are good things yeah, we do some things, but also the stuff that's not good is how you love to. How do you talk about your partner when you're not around? Yeah.
Speaker 1:No. Do you talk shit about your person? Do you put them down? Do you make them feel not good? Are you treating them? Do you call them names? Do you yell at them? Do you belittle them? How do you treat your partner? That's also how you love. Sounds like. Well, I don't like that so much. Well, the truth is in there. The reason your relationship is struggling is because you can't tell yourself the truth and also probably not very good at handling the truth. Also, if you can't deal with the truth, why would somebody tell you more of it? How do you love your partner? Do you talk bad about them? Do you put them down? Do you think negatively about your partner? That's how you love. What do you think about that one baby?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's very eye-opening how you treat your partner and the things that you say and the things that you do and I've said this multiple times but if you're in love with your person and you say I'm in love with you, or you've made a commitment to be with this person for the rest of your life, but you treat them as the worst person that is in your life, you're going the wrong way.
Speaker 1:That's how you love.
Speaker 2:That's how you love. If you treat the people that you work with better than you treat the person that you love at home that has your back or wants to have your back, you're going the wrong way. And so we see it happen over and over and over. And yeah, it's sad, you know, yelling at somebody or demanding that they do something, or trying to control the other person, and that's who you say you love. Yikes, like, how do you treat people that you don't love Like? Or you know what I mean things into perspective of how do you love and being able to look at yourself with, I guess, and be accountable for that, like, how are you loving your person? So that's all I got to say about that.
Speaker 1:Really there's a couple of things here. Good questions, yeah, all right. Nick, you're talking about a generational thing that you're. Just because your parents were a certain way, doesn't mean that you have to be a certain way. So watch out for your default program. Our parents also weren't very affectionate, and that doesn't mean that we aren't. If you find something there where you're like my parents weren't very affectionate, that means that you can choose then, well, are you going to be affectionate? Just because my parents didn't do that doesn't mean I won't do that, and of course I love your name. Of course, ask genuine questions. I hope you do.
Speaker 2:I grew up without a father in the household, never saw my parents, even when they were together and I was so young never were affectionate, but I grew up with just a mom in the house. So I didn't see my mom with other guys or what you should be treating Like. I didn't know, you know, but I can tell you I'm the most touchy person with him. Then I just I love him, my heart's open to him. So I understand that like I give my whole heart to this guy, like he has it all, so when I give my whole heart to someone, that means my effort also follows that too. Like there's no question for either one of us for me to ever wonder like does he love me? Or where do we stand? He has my full, my full heart.
Speaker 2:Were there times where I was like pieces of my heart? I don't know? Yeah, but then when you work on yourself and you start to grow and you open up your heart and be fearless about opening up your heart, you're able to give it to somebody without that fear, without just having the openness to be like my heart is all yours. So I'm going to make sure that the effort, like I said, follows the heart. I'm going to make sure that the effort, like I said, follows the heart. I'm going to touch you. What are your needs? I want to make sure that, as a woman, I'm meeting the needs that he has. It's very important as a woman, it's not just what I want. Is that's how it goes? No, my job as a woman, this is what I believe. If he has needs that need to be met, it's also my job to make sure he's taken care of.
Speaker 1:Check and see, are we glitching?
Speaker 2:baby Is it going okay, no, okay, good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, something going on with the thing, all right. So as far as this goes, yeah, baby, it's good to see like in the woman's side on it. I'm gonna go into some best practices though, nick. If you saw this as how it wasn't, how do you want it to be? And that's your opportunity. You know, just because something wasn't a certain way doesn't mean I don't have to be that way, and also, just because something was a certain way doesn't mean I have to stay that way. What I, what I was, is not who I am. How I am now is who I am, but how are you now? Do you have the courage to ask yourself a real question? Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so a lot of you guys are like well, that's not, I'm not used to that, or how I grew up or all of these things, it's just going to be difficult. Yeah.
Speaker 1:All right, let's, let's jump in with um, let's see Wise Daniel. He says what if she says I love you but not in love with you? At least it's something to work with, you know, and maybe she's not able to be in love, or maybe there's a broken part in there and there's a safety, security element that she needs? And just find out. This is a good opportunity to talk to your partner, like what is the missing P? Is there a wound? Is there an insecurity? Is there something going on that she doesn't? She's not okay with herself enough to open up. I don't know. And you have to figure out what's our partner's thing.
Speaker 1:And all of us have been hurt. Our guys have been hurt terribly and our women have been hurt. People have been hurt. Why do you have to add to the damage?
Speaker 1:Remember, in your love category is the highest source of pain that you have. Your highest hurt came from some love. It came from parents, best friends, a betrayal, an ex. Somebody hurt you more than almost anybody, and so being able to understand that doesn't mean that you have to be different because somebody else was bad. It means I have to heal. But what do I need to do to make it so you can heal. I'm not making myself less so you can feel better. No, hurting me doesn't heal you. But if you're not able to open your heart up and be able to be in love, what is it that you need? And am I working better every single day to get better at being me so I can keep you in a space to be better at being you? These are the parts where people are goofed up. Is trying to fix the other person, when the answer is always this way it's. You need to work on your part.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's why people are goofing up. What's up, brandon, good to see you.
Speaker 2:Hi Brandon.
Speaker 1:And so if she's not in love but she loves you, you have something to work with, man. That's good. There's just a missing element and something that you guys get to discover as a team and not be versus or you're not good enough or somebody's not doing enough. It's like opportunity is right there, though. If she loves you but she's not in love with you, well then let's start doing stuff to like what would you do if you were taking her on dates again? What would you be doing to make her fall in love with you? What an exciting adventure. We still have dates. Friday night, date night. We're going out. We're going out this weekend. What do you do to make it so your person goes damn, this guy loves me to make her fall in love again because you're able to show I've got the chivalry, the effort, I've got a goal in mind, I've got a place I want to take you.
Speaker 1:I'm going to show you the love that I've got in me. I'm going to touch on you and encourage you and keep you safe.
Speaker 2:It's what are you guys able to do together Now ladies, you are not damsels, you are not some sort of I get, I get, take, take take.
Speaker 1:That's children, that's girls, you also give work on your part, be able to be accepting for what is, and a lot of you guys want to feel like your victimhood gave you a promotion. Yeah, but you hurt me before. Yeah, you did something before. Yeah, it wasn't the way I wanted to before and so that's why you're bad. No, that's a thing that happened. That thing taught me something I don't want to be anymore. I am not the thing that happened. Can you have acceptance of what things are, instead of trying to use something that was as an excuse to be in control of how bad things need to continue to be? And that's where people get stuck. If you think because somebody hurt you, now you get to have the authority to tell everybody who's good and who's bad.
Speaker 2:You haven't worked on your own stuff? Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:All right, let's get into your stuff. So hopefully, like you know there's opportunity there. He's like can I ask a genuine question? I love that you did ask a genuine question. How do you get over love that you thought would never end? I'm assuming that love did end, so, like that's okay. How do you spend time healing for yourself when you're single? Because it gets lonely. It's a really good opportunity to spend time with yourself. You got to remember and this is something that's so simple, yet we miss it all the time. You want someone to love you, right? I want someone to love me. Who here wants love? Everybody, right? You all want to be loved. You want somebody to love you. Do you like being with you when?
Speaker 2:you're alone.
Speaker 1:Do you go? I love being with me. Do you love being with you? Are you fun to talk to? Are you exciting to be around? Do you love being with you? Do you have great hobbies? Do you have great things that make it so you're fun? Great hobbies Do you have great things that make it so you're fun? Are you being? Do you like being with you? Because it's ironic that we get in relationships and we demand people like us and love us, and yet you couldn't look in the mirror and do the same thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You need to love me. Do you love me? I don't love me at all, I don't like me that much, but you need to love me, and I'm mad at you for doing something that I cannot do. I'm mad at you, in fact. I'm going to tell you how bad you are at love, even though I can't do it for myself. How funny guys. How funny is it? I'm going to tell you why you're bad at love, but I can't look in the mirror and be like I authentically enjoy myself. I like being with me. You being able to be alone with you and enjoy being with you makes it so that you're fun to be around. You'll enjoy being with you. If you enjoy being with you, then your person will enjoy being with you. And if you're with somebody who doesn't enjoy being with you, if you enjoy being with you, then your person will enjoy being with you. And if you're with somebody who doesn't enjoy being with you, be with somebody who will enjoy being with you.
Speaker 1:Life is too short to have somebody who wants you to feel worse.
Speaker 1:No, that's not a good match, find somebody who, like I, want to work on me. I want the very core basis of our relationship to be it's better together than if we weren't together at all, absolutely. And if it's not, then you're going to go through your bargaining phase, which is where it was a love that I thought would never end. It did end, it did end and we're going to go through the acceptance element of that. That happened. It did end.
Speaker 1:The hard thing with bargaining is it coulda, woulda, shoulda all the things that it could have been, all the things you wanted it to be. Not only do you have to grieve and go through bargaining and denial, sadness, anger for the acceptance element of the actual reality of your relationship. You also have to go through a funeral for what it could have been too, and that's why bargaining is so hard is it creates a double funeral. Not only do you have to grieve the loss of the real relationship, you also have to grieve the loss of the potential that it could have been, and a lot of people get in relationships because of the potential of the relationship, not the reality of it, and that's going to be a big part.
Speaker 1:So the two things you have to do is go through your grieving cycle of the reality of what is what really happened and then being able to go into the grief for the possibility or potential of what happened, and then spend time with you doing things that makes you love being with you, so that way, the person you're with also loves being with you. So those are just good starter points. If you want more stuff, come hang out with us. But it's a really good, genuine question. I very much appreciate you for asking it, because I see you're going through it. If you lost something that felt like it was supposed to be like a forever thing and it's gone, that's a big loss.
Speaker 1:It's a big loss to go through and it can hurt, and odds are you were both doing your best and just something went very, very wrong. Yeah, you can control that baby.
Speaker 2:Thank you, and it's not my fault, phil Leviticus.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's always Phil. It's always Phil what's up Phil Acting up.
Speaker 2:Wise. Daniel said thank you, but she's in love with someone else. 13 years of marriage and here we are, she's in love.
Speaker 1:My cousin when I was a teenager hit me with this one. I was in the same thing. I love somebody who didn't let me back or I like somebody who didn't like me back. My cousin's like why are you wasting time with somebody who doesn't like you back? Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's such a simple thought. Why do you spend so much time on somebody who doesn't like you back, find somebody who does that's not your match. Just because we spent a long time doing something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. A lot of people hold on to a mistake because they took a long time to make it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I thought it was supposed to be. No, it is what it's supposed to be you just haven't gone to the acceptance element of what it is.
Speaker 1:Yet that already happened. The things have already happened. The way things have happened. It's just you're still trying to process what is. Yeah, that's the hard part for you. It already happened. Can you deal with?
Speaker 1:what has happened, yet there's things that have already happened. Yeah, but she loves somebody else. That happened, man. I'm going to tell you right now, when you find the right person and guys, just heads up. I'm going to give you a quick statistic here how many people, baby, are we trying to find, Like to be like your person? How many people?
Speaker 2:Just one, just one, right, just one.
Speaker 1:How many people does that mean are not my person? Millions and billions Billions there are billions of not matches, guys, Billions of not matches. You just need to find the one who's like we're willing to work on this. We're a match we can make it work. You're worth fighting for, babe. Yeah. You are worth fighting, for it doesn't matter if we lose our house today, we'll fight and get another one.
Speaker 2:We'll get one together.
Speaker 1:I don't care if we lose all our money. We'll make more money. Yeah, I don't care what it is, I don't care what's happening. Yeah, I got you. We'll figure that shit out. Yeah, it's you and me.
Speaker 2:I don't give a fuck. There's no other option. I don't care yeah.
Speaker 1:Nothing. I am afraid of nothing, nothing. I'm not afraid of somebody else trying to get you. Every guy out there can take their best shot. Go ahead. If you can take her from me, I'll be blowing the fuck away. You know why it wouldn't. It wouldn't make me that mad, though. You know why. I wouldn't be caught up in it. I'd have to grieve and I'll go through my loss. But you know what? If she wants to be with another person, that's not my girl, no different than if I want to be with another person, I'm not her guy. Yeah.
Speaker 1:My guy, my girl would never do that shit. And if they do that shit, that means it's not my guy or not my girl, absolutely. Every guy can take their shot with her. She's just going to turn you the fuck down, and any girl can take their shot with me. I'm going to turn with me. I'm gonna turn you the fuck down.
Speaker 2:yeah, no, it's not gonna happen yeah, no one's gonna get me away from you. I am. I am loyal to this guy. I mean to the, to the fucking core, to the point like I hear someone say something, I'm like, even though I can't physically do anything, I'm not gonna go beat someone up, but I will have this guy's back through and through, even when he is incorrect. You will never know that I think he's incorrect because I will have his back. Now I may tell him, just between you and I, like that was some bullshit. But no, you will never find me ever saying one bad thing about this guy right here, ever, ever. Not to my family, not to my friends, not to anyone. This is my one, my guy. I will. I'm his teammate to the end, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're on. We're over seven years now. Yeah, seven years now together.
Speaker 1:All right, daniel, you're saying. Everything you're saying about each other is what we used to have. And then this door was slammed in my face. There's a truth to it, man, and you got to have those memories, man. You had years of good times and there's more for you. It just wasn't that. Yeah, and the Discord is in our, it's in our. Go to our bio. Bio and it'll take you right to where our Discord is. You can just jump in for free, yeah.
Speaker 2:And Ren Suf. That's awesome Been with 15 years and listen like course at the beginning right.
Speaker 1:Like we were messing shit up left and right.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, for sure Left and right, and we had to like fail forward and not give up on each other and still cheer each other on, even when, like, we were both fucking shit up. But that's part of it. I think that's where we're at now is like we have been through it. We're still growing on a daily basis. We're growing together. We're growing Like. We just keep trying to grow and be better, and I think that's the difference of like I want to be make sure that I'm good for me, because when I'm good and I work on my own shit, I can be better for him and for our kids. For him and for our kids.
Speaker 2:And I think in the past I I know for a fact what I would do is I would alter myself to be good for other people, even for him. We first met. I'm like, oh, he seems to like this. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna like none of that shit sticks, like it just doesn't stick. But the growth happens when you decide for yourself like like, I'm going to work on me and be a my authentic self, so that way I can be good for everybody else.
Speaker 1:That's the irony to it too. The more you were trying to be what you thought I wanted, it didn't work out. It never worked out, but the more you worked on being who you really are the more in love with you, I felt, the more you worked on your accountability, the more you worked on you taking care of your thing. It made it so there's somebody there to learn about. You're doing a thing too. Oh, what are you doing? Well, I want to hear about your thing. You have something to share. There's a progress.
Speaker 2:There's something going on. I think it froze. We're good. Yeah, exactly. And yeah, you don't see many long-term relationships nowadays. Yeah, I think kind of what you were talking about at the very beginning. People are we live in a disposable world and people, unfortunately, have taken it to like we're disposable humans, like, oh, their heart doesn't matter or they don't have feelings, or we can just dispose of someone when we don't want them. It's such a cruel world when it comes to that, because while we're doing that, we're breaking so many people's hearts that they have to heal from and all that stuff. But relationships are not meant to be disposable. Like if you choose your person and you marry your person or you're like I'm a committed relationship with this person, then fucking fight for it. Like, if you're loving your person, then fight for it.
Speaker 1:Well, it's ironic that people are still looking at the door, looking online or looking for the upgrade instead of like the grass is greener on the other side. Well, grass is greenest where you water.
Speaker 2:It always will. And here's something the relationship is always exciting at the beginning Always. So if you're jumping from relationship to relationship, the excitement will always be there at the beginning. That's how they get you, and then, a year from now, you're like shit, this is the same shit because you haven't worked on yourself. You'll always continue to attract the same thing if you don't put in the work for yourself.
Speaker 1:What attracts you. You said the worst thing ever is there's more fish in the sea. No, that's just the truth. There's lots of fish in the sea. There's billions, billions of fish in the sea, but that's not the ones I need.
Speaker 1:Those aren't mine. That's not the ones that I want to invest in. That's not the ones I'm going to work on. The grass is greenest where I water it. I'm going gonna build my woman up. I'm gonna love on her. I'm gonna keep her safe and secure. She's gonna encourage me, keep me going, have my back on stuff, work together on things we are. We look at problems as like how do we handle this thing? Not why did you do that?
Speaker 2:or why aren't you figuring that out? You should never done that. Why don't?
Speaker 1:you just fix that we're a team.
Speaker 2:It's a team. We're together to work through shit and also celebrate together like it's.
Speaker 1:It's a team. We're together to work through shit and also celebrate together. It's a teammate. We're not opponents here at all. That's how you love.
Speaker 1:If you bitch and complain about your person, that's how you love. You bitch and complain, that's you. That's the way you love. And you think you're bringing benefits to the dynamic by being the bitcher and the complainer. No, you're a taker Grow up. Just because people are grown doesn't mean they have grown. It's girl or boy mentality. If you're just taking from your partner. No, men and women are different than boys and girls. Boys and girls take.
Speaker 1:I have to conquest as a boy. I have to conquest. I have to get mine. I have to take more. I have to win championships. I have to be the best. I have to get, get, get. I'm gonna get my conquest. Women, I'm gonna conquest. I'm gonna get all these things I'm gonna get for me. It's me time. Get, get, get, get, get.
Speaker 1:Nah, men give. Men are natural givers. If I have more, I give more. If I have an abundance, you shall be taken care of. I will make sure you are good. I will give protection and provision. I will make sure you are okay. I will make sure our girls are okay. I will make sure our life is going better. I will keep working on things to get more so I can give more, because men encourage and empathize and build and support and love and take care of. And I will still rip the head off of a motherfucker, but it doesn't mean that I have to be in that mode all day. I can still be dangerous, but be strong and loving and compassionate. I will protect you with my life, but that doesn't mean that I have to be in kill mode all day. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That reminds me of a story. So you know, you were in the women's discord today and you were giving them a speech and you were going, you're going hard as you do, you're going hard and challenge, and challenge, and challenge. And I was having conversation with someone and I'm like, don't think that's the guy that I'm in a relationship with. Like I just don't push, like I don't push like that at all, like that is not. Like my guy is exactly what you just said. He will challenge when need be, but for good reason too, and I think it's. I think it's funny, just the persona that you know. They're like oh my gosh, you're so strong. Like women need their strong men to be solid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, sarah, you heard. Yeah, I go hard, but you, ladies, are still on the first lesson, you're still on accountability. What's your part? What's your part to it? What's your part to it. The accountability challenge is a powerful tool Once you have this, and then you can work on authenticity work on acceptance. Things just are. Yeah. You know Leviticus. You said it hurts to fight for a relationship and the other person isn't as hopeful for the relationship. Well, what?
Speaker 2:do you guys need what are?
Speaker 1:you guys doing? Maybe you're wasting each other's time. One of the biggest measurements that you need to look for is willingness. Does she want a relationship to work and she's like, no, I don't think it's going to work? Well then, what are you guys doing? We did a training on autonomy.
Speaker 1:You have to be able to have the ability to leave a relationship that is unhealthy. That's everybody, every person, every man, every woman, every person in a relationship. You need the ability to go like. If this is an unhealthy relationship and the other person is not willing to make it healthy, you're in a failed relationship. Now, if you're in a relationship with someone who's made mistakes or done dumb things or fucked things up, but they're still willing to fight, there's hope you can still do something with that up, but they're still willing to fight. There's hope you can still do something with that, because every mistake that we make teaches us something, and a lot of times we'll make a mistake and go dang.
Speaker 1:I'd never want to be that person again. That's what that mistake was. For. You know, if somebody made a really big like, they really messed up and they're like I never want to be that person. I will never be that. I learned from that thing. I don't want to be that person. I will never be that. I learned from that thing. I don't want to be like that. I screwed that up. I don't like that for me, even Not about what happened to you. I don't like that for me and I will never be that person, ever again.
Speaker 1:That's what that lesson was for. That's what it was, and some of you can't catch up to what is. They don't have acceptance to go. That person made a mistake to learn a lesson, but they learned it to become the kind of person that I would love. And if you can't see what it is, if you can't see them for learning the lesson, you only see them for the crime years ago. That's you. You don't have forgiveness, you don't have understanding, you can't process in the present, you don't see who is, and some of you do.
Speaker 1:One of the most unhealthy things when somebody makes a mistake and think that you get to be the authority over another person because you were hurt by them. You get promoted because of your victimhood. It doesn't work like that. Just because somebody made a mistake means I learned something, and because I learned something doesn't mean you get to be the authority because your feelings were hurt. Your hurt feelings are showing your inability to process truth. And what is? How do you grow when things happen? That's inside.
Speaker 1:And if you think because you hurt my feelings, now I get to be cruel to you, that's how you love. You hurt people. That's how you love. Well, they hurt me first. You justify behavior you would hate done to you. That's how you love. Well, they shouldn't have done that. Now you think you know how things should go. That already happened. They learned to be better.
Speaker 1:How I am is who I am.
Speaker 1:Who I was is not who I am. I learned what not to do to be better for us. Can you see me today and not who I was a year ago, two years ago, five years ago, 10 years ago? I am not who I was when I was 16. I am not who I was when I was 30. I am not the same person. I'm not that guy.
Speaker 1:And she is not the woman that she was two years ago and she is not the woman that she was two years ago, five years ago, 10 years ago. But we have grown together and so, as long as you have willingness, you can go. Damn, I get to relearn who you are. You know that we're supposed to be different. That's good. Keep learning your person. Keep learning your person. We're evolving together. She's learning from her mistakes. I'm learning from my mistakes. Can I accept that we learned from the mistake so I can see who she is and not have to hold her accountable to who she was to learn who she needs to be for herself? No, I can do that for my partner.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, Absolutely. And that's exciting because now you see this person, that you've moved on from the past. That's not helpful for anybody Like. Watch their actions. Their actions will tell you what they're doing. Watch it and put trust in those new actions that they're doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I already see the way you said that. Somebody added an intention, added an assumption. Yeah, they're only doing that because. They're only doing that because.
Speaker 2:Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah, they added that.
Speaker 1:Thanks because I get it. Yeah, yeah, they, I get it, appreciate you. So, leviticus, you said I've never been unfaithful, just jumped up, never been unfaithful, but I've made mistakes. And I said I learned from it. I did change, but they couldn't look past, or they couldn't look past it Even though I proved change. Remember it's willingness. This is the member. That's how they love man. We got to look at things for what is. What is it? What's up, chris? We got to look at things for what is. And this is where people get goofed up is. They go like, oh yeah, well, I want you to forgive me for what I've done, but I won't forgive you for what you've done. And I want you to give me grace and understanding for me getting better and learning, but I won't do that for you.
Speaker 1:All women cheat at some point. Is that valid to say no, not everyone does everything. Speaking in absolutes is going to be a problem. Do people cheat at some point in their life or do they make mistakes? Maybe they did, but learning from what those things are, we all had to make mistakes. Maybe they did, but learning from what those things are, we all had to make mistakes. You know, if I hold us accountable to who we were in our early twenties. That's a different human being, you know. And so if you cheated on somebody when you were 19, cause you didn't know or have opportunities, that didn't make sense and it was like awesome, uh. And then you go damn, that didn't work out how. I thought Okay, you figured stuff out, that's what that was for. Our exes are exes for a reason. We had to learn what not to do. That's what exes are for all of them.
Speaker 1:They all taught lessons. They all taught you stuff about you. That's how you were missing elements. Don't over-compromise and over-sacrifice yourself. It'll teach you you that. Advise yourself It'll teach you you. That's what our exes are all for. That's what every single one, even the divorce you guys just got, that's supposed to teach you a whole bunch of shit about you and them. What are red flags? What are things that are not compatible? What are stuff that works out really well? Damn Chris. Thank you, man.
Speaker 2:Thanks, Chris.
Speaker 1:Appreciate it. Holy crap, 100 roses.
Speaker 2:Nice, that was super cool, thank you.
Speaker 1:Appreciate you, and so this is the part where you get a chance to go dang. What did we learn? Can I accept what is and not what was? And if you have a partner who cannot process the truth of what something is, this is the reality check to it. If I was ever not able to accept that she made a mistake on something but she has learned from it and is not going to ever be that person ever again, and if I cannot believe that I can't see her for who she is, I'll tell you right now. The next guy she meets would just check me right now. Check me right now.
Speaker 1:If I'm like I can't see who you are because of something you did and you're like I will never be that person ever, ever again. I will never do that. I promise you. I am, I've learned from my mistakes. I will never be that person again and I can't forgive. I can't see, I can't look at you and go. I see you for the woman that you are.
Speaker 1:You learned from that. You went through that, you went through shit. You did things to find you, and I love that part. If I can't see it, because I can't get past myself to see who you are because I'm still stuck on something that happened in the past. If I'm doing that to you, I can't see you, which means I may not deserve who you are because I can't get past who you were. But that means the next person you meet won't have this preconceived notion that I couldn't get through. Acceptance on that means you'll find somebody who can see the goodness of what you've learned and who you've become through your mistakes. But they didn't have to live through your mistakes. That's where I would become an ex who couldn't get it.
Speaker 1:Or I can go. Damn, we went through some shit and you learned it. Would you ever want to do that again? No. I'm like if we do that again, we're done. You know that right. You're like yep, I agree, we're done. I'm like okay, I agree, we're done. I'm like okay, I'm all in. You fuck that up, though we're smoked, you're in though I'm in.
Speaker 2:Let's do it, baby. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Thank you, chris. I appreciate you for dropping love. We appreciate that very much, you keep being awesome. Thank you so much, but this is the stuff where it's like damn, it's right there, can you accept and understand. Your person has gone through difficult things, just like you.
Speaker 1:But you want to be able to go damn. I learned from my mistakes. Every loss I went through was a lesson. I needed to go to find pieces of me, to make me more myself. What kind of person do I want to be? Go make some mistakes, you'll figure out. I don't want to be like that anymore. All right, good. And if you're not learning from it, you're the problem in the relationship You're not growing.
Speaker 1:What about cheating in a current relationship? How do you recover If they don't want to cheat ever again because they made a mistake and they're like I will never be that person. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever do that again. If I ever do anything like this again, our relationship is now over. We will end it right there. It's done. If that's what it is, renew your vows, make new promises, hold each other accountable, have autonomy and then work your fucking ass off to see them for who they are. That's what you do. So, yes, somebody made a mistake. They did something. Maybe there's an unmet need. What did they need? What did you need? There's something missing from you two. Let's find it. Let's discover it together. What do you need? What do I need? If you can't do it. They can't get over the past. You can't get over the past. If you can't do it, kill the relationship. Because you're just killing time right now. You're just fucking hurting each other. Why?
Speaker 1:Because I can't deal with things. The because I can't deal with things. The reality is you can't deal with the truth that stuff happened. Can you deal with them being better? Yes, well then you have a fighting chance. If you can't deal with them going, damn. I never want to be that person again. You're just killing the relationship too. You're just as bad. Which files matter? Only the ones you pick. Get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 1:You're killing your relationship too.
Speaker 1:You're the same. You're not better. You're the same. In which case, if you're not willing to see them for the mistake, get out. You're not better because you didn't cheat. You're not better. You're still killing it because you can't deal with what things are. You're still the same thing. You think you're the beacon of love. No, you can't forgive, you can't accept, you can't work on your own stuff, you can't see the present. And you're somehow the good one. You withhold all of these parts. You're the good one. No, everybody's making mistakes here. Are we going to get better or not? Are we working on this or not? Can we work? Can we accept things that are or not? If we cannot do it, get out of the relationship. You're killing it. You're just going to kill it anyways. You're just going to kill it. But can you do it? Yeah, it can be done If the person goes. I never want to be that person. I don't ever want that again. I didn't know what. I didn't know, I made a mistake. I never want to be that way again.
Speaker 1:I am not that person anymore, if you can go okay, okay, I'm all in you ever pull that shit again, though you don't know we're done, right, you're like, I agree, I don't even like that guy. I don't want to be that person ever again and I will never be that guy ever again. I never will. And if you go like damn, all right, okay, I can work with that.
Speaker 2:I don't like that guy either both of us.
Speaker 1:That's why we come up with fake rick. Fake rick comes up. As soon as fake rick comes up, I'm like I don't like that guy either. Both of us. That's why we come up with Fake Rick. Fake Rick comes up. As soon as Fake Rick comes up, I'm like even I don't like Fake Rick. Fuck that guy. I don't like Fake. Rick yeah. Get him out of here. I don't like that guy. Yeah, what's up, boss Legend?
Speaker 2:That's just a cool name. Yeah, the podcast is.
Speaker 1:The Battlefield of the Mind. Yeah, yeah, the Battlefield of the Mind. You can check it out. You'll see my mug on here doing one of these things. Yeah, but the Battlefield of the Mind, it's on all the things. You can find it on all the stuff. Yeah, spotify, you can find it on Apple. You can find it on all the stuff. So, yeah, the podcast is out there YouTube. We put the videos up so you get to see the people that I've interviewed. There's some very cool people that have been on the show. We've had some pretty amazing people on the show, and more amazing people will be coming soon. So feel free to jump in and check out the podcast, the Battlefield of the Mind. It's pretty great. There's some names on there. You'll be like, holy fuck, that guy's had that guy on the show. Wow, pretty nice.
Speaker 2:BBC has on the show. Wow, Pretty nice. Bvc said I'm in the healing stages. I just want to be able to redeem myself. What does it?
Speaker 1:mean to redeem yourself. What does it mean?
Speaker 2:Yeah, david got you D-Day. That's my boy.
Speaker 1:That's my boy D-Day. What does it mean to redeem yourself? What does it mean, because maybe you're right. Let's check and see. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Yeah, boss Legend, I have a pretty interesting story with my ex though. Yeah, check that out, but then always jump in. Our Discord's free. If you want to jump in, I do free training for the guys once in a while.
Speaker 1:So I have ones. On Saturday, you can jump in and do a free training with me. I go fucking hard, though. I train warriors. I train leaders. I train people who handle their business, pack leaders, people who build, encourage, take care of their people and make sure life is better for those around them. I train real leaders, and so if you want to get some more tips, tricks and team up with some badass warriors who also fight for what they believe is, right, that'd be awesome.
Speaker 1:Come and hang out. It's jump in for free on Saturday and you know we do daily calls. But you know those are part of our subscription stuff. So if you subscribe then you can have access to all the trainings that we do. We do trainings every day. All right. So what was the question here? I know that there's the redeeming. What does it mean to be redeemed? I need to be redeemed. What does that even mean? I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't know if he's still on or not. Let's see, I'm healing in the stages. You're going through grief, but I just want to feel like I redeemed myself. It's just coming down to accepting. I feel like redeeming is just accepting. Redeeming is just like I'm not that anymore.
Speaker 2:I don and accept it.
Speaker 1:Can you accept? I'm not what that was Like. I am now who I am. How I am now is who I am.
Speaker 1:But, how I was taught me to be, how I am. Every mistake you can't be held accountable to, like when you were 17, 22. How many of you were fucking crazy at 21, 22? You guys were nuts. You guys were nuts, your dog's off leash. You guys did crazy stuff. We can't be held accountable for that. We learned from it. We don't do that anymore. I'm not going out to the bar and getting trashed. I'm not doing that.
Speaker 2:No, I don't do that anymore. I learned I don't do that anymore.
Speaker 1:Who I was is not who I am. I'm not that person anymore, you know what I mean. So this is where people are like you know, hey, who you used to be, that's who I was, but it doesn't. It's made me a different version that evolved out of that behavior. Yeah. And so it's just something for you guys to be able to see. I was a wolf, damn a dog, DJ. We were mad, we were crazy, she was. We were not compatible in our early 20s.
Speaker 2:No, I'm kidding, I was a wild child. Let me tell you, I was a lunatic and I was damaged.
Speaker 1:I was so hurt too. I was so hurt that I hurt people. I didn't know, grew up in an abusive home, Grew up in a bad area. I was just not a good guy because I didn't know what a good guy was. I didn't know what that was. I am not who I was. Yeah, who I used to be is not who I am, and if you can't see who I am, maybe you don't deserve me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a good phrase. We were all wrecked. That's so true.
Speaker 1:It was a mess, but you have to go through it.
Speaker 2:I mean, you have to. You have to go through it. Yeah, it's necessary, necessary.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Life experience is so important.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's really funny how people can't accept what is yeah, which is what acceptance is. I put a video up recently of a training that I did to just show people, like, if you want to know what is acceptance, acceptance is, that's what it is. It's the things that already happened, stuff that is already is. It is it's the things that already happened, stuff that is already is. Now our minds may understand that that thing happened, but our heart and our soul and our body are still trying to catch up with like well, maybe they didn't do that.
Speaker 1:I don't like that, and that's not nice. And what if they don't? And what if I do this? And what if that? And if only this and if only that? And you're like stop, what a Kodosh and Shodos. Stop it is. Well, I hate that they did that. You can hate all day long and be angry at stuff that is. It still happened. That happened already. Don't you see that? That is Well, I don't like it. I didn't say you have to like what is. It still is, though. So how are you going to choose to handle it? Are you going to still hold on to this for years? Are you going to become defined by a thing that happened many years ago, are your choices all surrounding an identity of a trauma or a tragedy or an injustice or something unfair? And that's who you are. You reveal you to yourself. People can't tell themselves the truth over their reality, though. We can't do it, we can't see it. We live in lies, we gaslight our introspection. People can't tell themselves the truth over their reality, though.
Speaker 1:We can't do it, we can't see it, we live in lies, we gaslight our introspection. You can't see yourself, and when you can't look at you, you're blind. You're blind. And so, since I don't have control of me and I'm not okay, I'm going to try and tell everybody else how they need to be, because, since I can't control me, I need to control you. What a funny leadership style. I'm not in control and I don't even like me. I don't even know where I'm going, but I need to tell everybody else how to be so I can be okay, and somehow that makes sense. My wounds make me the leader. No, they don't. No, they do not. That makes you lost. Irony to it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, silly.
Speaker 1:So it's those things. But acceptance, forgiveness, yeah, Let me tell you baby. I fucking love you, I love you. You should tell your person you're with, that you love them Like I love you. I love you the most. Talk to your person, let them know, like you know what, we've been through some shit. We've been through some shit and I fucking love you. We've been through hard things and we're going to go through more hard things, but I'm going to go through it with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, be right there, you know we're going to do hard things together. You know what Stuff's going to go fucking crazy. You know there's going to know what and we're gonna get better from it. We're gonna learn from those things. Yeah, I got your fucking back and I know you got my back. I'm gonna be there for you, no matter what. I love you. I truly love you. Tell your person you love them. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Tell your person that they are important. Tell your person I've got your back. Tell your person you're going to be there with them. Tell them. Tell them. What are you doing? Yeah.
Speaker 1:Touch them. Be there. We've been touching this whole time. We haven't stopped touching the entire time. Why? Because I love her. Yeah, I love her, she loves me. We take care of each other. I love her, she loves me. We take care of each other. We make each other's lives better than if we weren't together. Tell your person good things, compliment your person. Encourage your person.
Speaker 2:We do Pick your person up and it's little things other than you know words of affirmation. That's not really our love. Language is, touch is quality, time is. But you know the little gestures, like I think about him in so many aspects of my day. And it's from the time, like we both are coffee drinkers and if he's up first he'll make me coffee. This morning I had to leave very early but I got his coffee ready so all he had to do is like hit the button. Sometimes we'll leave a note Like I'm always thinking about him. Like how can I serve him no different than he's. Like how can I serve her? Like we're both very, very giving and I think it's to be in love is so selfless. Like you have to be willing to be able to give. You know, and it makes you feel good when you can give too. And it's a little things you know, checking on him throughout the day. I mean, after all these years, there's not a day that goes by that.
Speaker 1:I'm not at work. We talked on the phone for two hours today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, two hours and I was like wow, the time went fast this morning. I was up so early, he got up early and we literally talked from 6 am to 8 am in the morning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I kept our company on our drive. It's a long drive. I was like, wow, the time went fast.
Speaker 2:But just such good conversations, and that's what it is. It's little acts of things that I'm always thinking about you and I'm always making sure that he knows I love him, I show him, I encourage him, I'm there for him, I have his back.
Speaker 1:I appreciate that. Are we frozen? Hey, phil, are we frozen? Your phone is just jacked. I don't know if it's your phone or if it's us, but are we frozen? Do we freeze? If not, we got more to go, but, yeah, being able to look for your person and being able to be there for your person, like love on your person, it's good. Good, all right, thank you, your phone's jacked up, yeah all right.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, being there for your person, love on your person, love on your person. What a what a what a waste of the minutes that we aren't doing if we don't love on your person. Love on them. They're right. Yeah, love on them. Good on you, rob, for you being able to have, uh, your long distance relationship will no longer be long distance, that's good. And then, boss legend, you just gotta learn how to do boundaries.
Speaker 1:It's a really funny thing that we think that if we give more, they'll love more. But there's a reality to it. If, if, being confidently and compassionately and empathetically disagreeable and having a healthy boundary will actually give you more love. It seems silly that doing less will give you more. But we teach how to do it and it works, because she'll shit, test me and I'll go like baby, I love you, but I'm not doing that and I'll hold my line. I'm like we're not doing that. I'm not doing that one babe. Well, yeah, but that's how I feel today. I'm like I hear that's how you feel. I didn't say you don't feel that way. I'm just not doing that without anything. That makes sense, not doing that?
Speaker 2:Oh, you're not doing it. Well then, I'm not doing it anymore either.
Speaker 1:All right, cool, then we're both good it worked out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so necessary so.
Speaker 1:I'll be disagreeable with her, and I give only as much to everyone as I have to give. I don't overextend myself, because if I make myself weak or incapable or incompetent, I'm not able to take care of more people, and so I cannot give more than I have to give to make me less. And it's really interesting when you're with people who are hurt, who need you to be hurt too. Well, hurting me doesn't heal you. I need to be solid and strong to give you the space to heal. I need to make sure you're okay to work on your shit. Not me make myself hurt so that way we can relate through our pain. That doesn't work. I'd rather relate through our healing. So I'm strong and good. Why don't you work on being strong and good? I'll give you the space to do that, and that way we can grow together. Who I was is not who I am. How I am is who I am, so don't hold me accountable to being something I'm not anymore. Do you see me for what I'm evolving into? Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm getting better every day, are you? Are you working on getting better every day? That doesn't mean get more.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:That means be more. Yeah. And for those of you who are like, well, I'm going to get me another man, I'm going to get me another woman, I'm going to get me another man, I'm going to get me another woman, I'm going to get me more, that shows you're a boy or a girl. You're not a man or a woman. You're not trying to make things better for people, you're trying to take more for yourself. You're a taker. Still, you're a boy or a girl. Just because somebody is grown doesn't mean they have grown. Just because somebody is older doesn't mean they're more mature. For real people who still are trying to be like kid mode when they're old they're in their 40s and 50s, still acting like they're in their 20s it's like just because you're grown doesn't mean you've grown. What if he's not the affectionate type of person? Is that important to you, trudy, or is it important to to have an affectionate type of person? And the thing is too, I don't know what's happened to him, but there's a lot of guys, too, who have been hurt really, really bad, and maybe that's why they have a block on affection, and so there may be something in there that he needs to work through that. He was hurt, terribly bad to be like don't touch me. And I've worked with a lot of guys who the reason they don't want to touch is because somebody hurt them, and so a lot of guys were treated very poorly. Boys aren't loved the same and so they were treated so poorly that, like you know, um, being hurt a lot physically makes it so I don't want to touch a lot physically and they have to break through like um, you know the elements of this stuff that happened to them and work through to grieve appropriately so they can find themselves. And so, as much as I want to be like he's not doing it right, you're like, stop calling him a bad person and see like, damn, my person's hurt. If you change the definition of what it is that we call each other, you look differently. Your guy's hurt. Somehow Something happened to him, he got hurt. Do you give a fuck? Or is it just about you? Because that's how you love and you go? Oh damn, no, I haven't asked him. What hurt him? What makes him not do that? No, I just go. What do I want? I don't go. What is he got? Going on because that's you. You show yourself, you know. So people have been hurt? Do you give a shit or do you just want more from other people? That's you, that's how you love, you're a taker Like, oh shit. He doesn't say.
Speaker 1:This means there's a thing there that doesn't feel safe enough to share with you. Then there's something there I can't share with you. If I share with you, there will be a thing you may have taught him not to share with you too. That's the thing we train people to not tell us the truth. If you're reactive or you've had moments where you show that you're going to freak out about stuff, you teach people not to share with you. And so, if this is a really deep thing, maybe he was beaten, maybe he was molested, maybe he was hurt as a little kid. People hurt kids all the time. They do horrible things to children, and maybe that was one of those things and he doesn't feel safe enough to share with you because maybe you're not at the level to be able to accept. I don't know. You know I haven't met you guys, but it's very common for people to protect themselves from people who do harm.
Speaker 2:I want to share that. Yeah, yeah, um, did you say that's so true with talking about emotions? Cause I've never had to growing up.
Speaker 1:Well, you probably couldn't. You know it was probably shamed or beat down. You know it was probably like you stopped being a bitch or stopped being a pussy or stopped being a wuss.
Speaker 2:Maybe just people weren't also not present even to listen if you wanted them to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a lot of pieces to it, but it's one of those things that maybe like I'm not okay, you know, and being able to share I can, you know, and being able to share, I can't be okay. They're trying, as my wife the other day it's unreal hearing it from someone else, ja, said. I was literally trying to say this to my wife the other day and it's unreal hearing it from someone else. Yeah, it can be, man, good job putting the effort in way to go. Good job trying way to try for your beer, your love, yeah, so there's some. There's some pretty big things here. Guys, the answers are inside, it's not outside. The reason relationships are struggling is people are trying to tell everybody else how to be, but they're not looking inside. Yeah, how are you? Do you guys have? Some of you don't know the difference between what your burdens are and what your benefits are blessings yeah oh man.
Speaker 1:Every hour does this Interesting? Some of you don't know the difference between your burdens that you bring and the blessings that you bring?
Speaker 1:You don't know. Are you benefits? Some of you are like, well, you better do what I say and give me all your stuff, and you're going to be like I don't think that's a benefit. You're lucky to have me. Do you know why I'm lucky to have you? What do you bring to the table? Are you sure? Do you know your benefits versus your baggage? Do you contribute more than you take? That would be a benefit yeah do you make it better to be with you than not being with you? That would be a benefit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if it's not in your your. You know your criteria to make it so that life is better together than if we weren't together. You're're still in girl or boy mode, you're just taking, and this is the choices people make.
Speaker 1:Do you want a boy or a girl, or you want a man or a woman? Do you want someone who's a giver or you want a taker? What do you want? You get to pick. How do you navigate all this if you have children? We have three girls. We have three teenage girls. Our relationship is first, we take care of our girls after we are good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is possibly navigating, Especially as men. We have to work on acceptance. We have to. I'm a stepdad, so you guys know we got three teenage girls. I'm the stepdad and babe, do they come to me with the hard stuff?
Speaker 2:or what they sure do. They come to me.
Speaker 1:Do you know why they come to me now and they don't go to the real dad or they don't go to her? Because they both react and I respond.
Speaker 2:I do, I respond, it doesn't matter how intense it is.
Speaker 1:It can be self-harm, it can be sex, it can be drinking, it could be drugs. There's things that they're exposed to and things they have to go through and I react the least. This means I'm the safest person to talk to without having a reaction.
Speaker 2:That's a level of growth for me that I have to work on is not to react. It's so hard as a mom, though, like there is like a real mama bear thing. I'm like he did what. Well. I'm calling him immediately. That's the kind of like.
Speaker 1:I'm like, baby, you're going to call him to do what. I'm like I don't know, that already happened. What are you going to do? You're going to go call him to make it not happen. That's exactly it. I got it. I got it. Let me take care of it.
Speaker 2:That's a real life example, like I got it.
Speaker 1:Listen, I'm like that punk though you're gonna call the cops on something that just they did. They broke up you don't, you can't, call the cops like you hurt my daughter jerk. What did she learn from this? What's up?
Speaker 2:michael. Hey michael, hey mike, yeah, I get just so protective of my people. I mean I can't do shit. Like I said, physically I can't do any. I'm not going to go and beat somebody up, but like like, oh, I have such a big heart for my people, like for him, for my kids, hey, G, I'm starting a couples class thing.
Speaker 1:It's not my favorite thing to do, because the truth is, there's always one unwilling partner. There's one unwilling partner who doesn't care about the pain they cause somebody. I've done multiple couples work, and I like working with the individuals, but there always seems to be one partner who just doesn't seem to have the willingness. They say they do, but they keep waiting for the other person to do it, and they're like you're not doing your job, though. And they're like, yeah, no, but they should be doing this and they should do that. You're not their accountability parole officer. You're not doing your thing. Oh well, I think you're just taking sides now. Well, now you're creating a problem to avoid the truth. That's why your relationship is unhealthy.
Speaker 1:You can't be honest, well, why should I have to be honest if they do? You want me to count the ways? I'll tell you all the reasons you should be honest. Well, I don't like the way that you talk to me. You don't have to like my tone to be able to understand that you're the problem in the relationship. It's you and you know what. Who else do you want it to be? Yeah.
Speaker 1:Being you means you can work on it right now. Yeah, good, I'm hoping you're the relationship problem. You can work on it today, immediately. Make a new choice. Yeah, challenge your beliefs a new choice. Challenge your beliefs, show more love, show gratitude, build your personal.
Speaker 2:It's right there.
Speaker 1:It's right there, you can do it right now. Everybody on here can look at their partner right now and say something kind. You can do that all day.
Speaker 2:All day. Look for it how do I get my wife to hear all this.
Speaker 1:She has to be willing man. Ask her if she really wants the relationship to work. If she really does, then there's a chance.
Speaker 2:If she's like, I don't know what it is the women that have a hard time. The women do every time, every single time, because they look for the guy to do the work without having to do anything. That's not how it works. The idea is each person separately figures out their own shit so that way they can be better for each other. It's not on the other person to do the work for you, so you can just sit back and have a cup of coffee. It doesn't work like that, Like it will never work. If that's the case, have accountability, stop bullshitting, own your shit and let's grow together. People don't want to do that. Women don't want to do that.
Speaker 1:Damn babe.
Speaker 2:What it's true Speaking truth.
Speaker 2:It's true and I wish that it wasn't. And listen, I'm only talking because I've also been there myself. I've been there and we've had so many conversations. I'm like, he's like, but it's right there. I see it was. I'm like, but you but you but you like. Oh, it was such a disaster.
Speaker 2:But when you grow and you work on yourself, you realize none of that shit is important like it was just because you were hurt and you didn't know your own needs and what you wanted. So if you don't know that, you put it onto somebody else and that's not fair to them. You know we would go back and forth all day long with bullshit. And now, looking back, it's like he always says I was sharing this with someone else. Today, the answers are already within you. So, as women and people in general, when you start to look externally for someone to answer things about yourself, you're going in the wrong direction. Externally, your friends are not going to answer the questions. Your partner is not going to answer their questions for you. The answers are within yourself. No one knows you like you know yourself. Do you have to start there?
Speaker 1:They don't know, themselves Like you know yourself.
Speaker 2:You have to start there. They don't know themselves, I know, but at least start asking some questions. Yeah, like, get to know you. I'm telling you do not know yourself. You're looking externally for people to validate, for someone to do it for you. You'll never grow.
Speaker 1:You're the problem. You will be the problem 100%.
Speaker 2:But what's good about that? On side of that, if you put in the work, there's so much freedom. On the other side, there's happiness within yourself. There's growth within yourself. Your relationship with your person is strong. Your relationship as a mom is stronger, like the freedom to know who you are and be strong in that is powerful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, agreed, diane. There's a hard truth to this. Whenever I work, I work with men. I work with a vast majority I work with men, and you said I try to communicate my feelings and he got super defensive. I will give you a $100 bill. If I have a conversation with him and we share feelings with each other and he gets hyper defensive, I'll give you $100. I'll send you $100. No problem, just happily, I'll just send $100. I'll send you $100. No problem, just happily. I'll just send it right to you $100.
Speaker 1:If I can't have a deep conversation with him without him getting defensive, the reason is because him and I would have a dynamic that we could be able to share without me getting defensive too. There's something there where he can't share with you without feeling that there's going to be an attack. There's something there where it may be a condemnation or a punishment or a judgment or something there that creates a problem and that means that whenever people are having a hard time communicating with somebody, especially somebody they used to communicate well with well, that means that we trained our person how to communicate with us. This works for people. Yeah, it works for people that we trained our person how to communicate with us. This works for people. Yeah, it works for people. It's just people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, men check other men. Women are supposed to check other women. They don't anymore, but they should, they will. They'll have to bring it back because women are ruining it for women right now and it's a hard game. So it's not saying it's easy, but women have to bring back checking each other. But the truth is is if your partner is getting defensive we trained them to. If your partner isn't sharing with you you trained them you're not safe to share with. You, don't have acceptance, can't listen to things without having a reaction. If you think, well, I'm justified in my feelings.
Speaker 1:No, you're not, oh, then they're justified in withholding from you, because if you want to give yourself justification for cruelty that you don't like done to you, well, no wonder you've trained them to not share with you. Yeah, there's truth for you. Go ahead and chew on that You're not safe to share with. That's why they can't share with you. No, they have the problem. They don't communicate the way I think I do. Everyone communicates, everybody. I work with the hurt men that you are talking about. He'll tell me everything. You know why? Because I don't attack him, I don't condemn him, I don't shame him, I don't tell him why he's bad, I don't withhold something from him. I can be empathetic for growing on all sides, and guys very rarely are justifying cruelty. They're like most common thing is guys shame stack, girls blame, women blame. I have the blame thrower thing still on the women's group stuff. The guys we shame stack guys are like what am I doing wrong? How come she's not all right?
Speaker 2:What am?
Speaker 1:I missing here. Girls come in like he's doing that and he's doing this and he's doing that and he's not communicating. He's doing that yes, he is. You're just not listening, right? Yes, he is. And I, yes, he is. You're just not listening, right? Yes, he is. I bet you I can get it out of him.
Speaker 2:And use that energy and put it on yourself Like use that energy, all the complaints that you have about someone else guess what? It's two sides. So turn it inwards, because that's the only thing that you can control is how you react to something. Stop trying to put him on blast when you can't control him. You can control how you react to it, so start there.
Speaker 1:Boom.
Speaker 2:Atta girl, it's true.
Speaker 1:Damn baby, damn Cool. Yeah, Good, call bro code. Actually, you needed to break up with her man. You needed to. The things went the way they needed to go for you, look back at that relationship and look at the things that you learned from it, because that's going to make it so you can be stronger in the next dynamic man, yeah, you needed to. If it was meant to work, it would have worked, and it's okay that it didn't. It already didn't. It happened the way it happened, and so don't get caught up on what was, because it already is. That happened, bud. That already happened. You guys broke up. You broke up for a reason.
Speaker 1:What did you learn about you that made you break up with her? Now, you learned something about yourself. What about you? Would you like to be different? Well, start being different then. What did you learn from that? You know she was a lesson and a blessing. I heard a lot and break it off, but you're correct. That happened the way it needed to happen. Man, there's so much that you learned from that. Now take all that information and move it to the next part of you.
Speaker 2:That's good yeah good to hear, arcade.
Speaker 1:Glad you're here with us too yeah, uh, what's this one with the teacup one?
Speaker 2:I'm not very non-judgmental, I'm very non-judgmental and a lgbtq ally, and my husband lied to me about being bi and cheating all right.
Speaker 1:What is it that they needed? Are you guys what? What's happening? I would find out. Like what? Can you listen to what it is Like? What do they need? Maybe you guys have different needs. Maybe there's a thing that you're not compatible with. Is this a dynamic that I need this and he's like and you're like that's not for me. Maybe you guys aren't a match. I don't know. Maybe he needs something that you aren't in vice versa, you need loyalty in a certain way and he needs something. You guys have to be able to listen to each other. He won't talk about it because you probably are like I'll leave you if you tell me what it is and I'm going to punish you and I'm going to make it bad. Can you accept them for where they are and then go? Is this a match for us or not, without telling them how they're bad or they need?
Speaker 2:to be punished, or I'm going to leave you, or whatever.
Speaker 1:Everybody thinks that because somebody did something, you guys are all liars. You're all liars. You don't tell all your radical truths to everybody, but you want people to tell you why. Because truth has power. I get to call the shots and make all the decisions. If I tell the truth, why don't you tell them the truth about your shit? I'm not doing that.
Speaker 2:I don't you tell them the truth about your shit. I'm not doing that. I don't have to do that.
Speaker 1:I already learned from it. I don't have to do that, but they need to be, and they need to be and they need to be. Control, no, Like, listen to him. What is it? He said. I'm fine with it. He just had a lot of shame about it because of how he was raised. That still means he's going. There's something there, I guarantee you. Just talking to him, I'd find out what is the thing, man, and maybe he doesn't know. But just because somebody was raised a certain way doesn't mean I have to stay that way. And if he's like man, I'm holding on to shame, I'm like well, let's challenge some of those things to see if it's true or not true.
Speaker 1:There's no actual point to shame Guilt. Guilt is useful, but not shame. Shame's a waste of time. This is probably going to lead him into depression because he feels bad for something that he needs. Find out what it is. Let's see what it is. I don't know what it is. I have no idea. I haven't talked to him, but if you just listen to understand, you'll probably find some things. Yeah.
Speaker 1:What's up Average Gamer Later man there, yeah, what's up average gamer Later man. So there's some stuff there. Oh yeah, the arcade. Thank you, I'm glad you're here with us, Appreciate you. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Appreciate you. It's been 11 months and I'm finding me again building up my life in relationship with God. Keep finding you, man. Stuff happened. Go through your grief, too. Bargaining is your tough one, though, because it seems like you're holding on to like what could have should have would have been. Get into what happened and not what you wish it would have been. Go through your sadness, go through your anger, go through the things that you, that wasn't right and I needed this, and she didn't do that and find the things about you that make you like that's me.
Speaker 1:That's what I need.
Speaker 2:Good on you for taking the time to find yourself. I think that's so underrated. Most people just jump into the next thing or do whatever. They just distract.
Speaker 1:They wait to be validated because somebody else picked them. Good on you. It's awesome, bro. Code Cool name. Yeah, it's great, good job. Alright, baby, I want to hang out with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to hang out with you. Yeah, I want to hang out with you.
Speaker 1:Go love on your person. Go love on your people today. Go love on somebody and if you don't got like a relationship you're with, call somebody who's important to you, call your best friend, tell them how fucking awesome they are. Yeah. You know, call your parents, call your brother or sister, call somebody in your life who's like on your people Love on all your people. Like what's the alternative? Be shitty. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like what a weird fucking play. Love on your people, love on them yeah. Love on them, Just tell them. Tell them something sweet man. Yeah. Say I love you, you're beautiful. And I love you.
Speaker 2:I love you so much, handsome motherfucker.
Speaker 1:Yeah, tell your person something kind today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no more bitterness, right Love.
Speaker 1:All right, let's accept things that are. Let's grow together. Who I am now, that's who I am. How I am, now that's who I am. See you in the morning, rob. Good to see you, bud. Yeah, All right guys Go dominate this shit. Have a good night and be excellent to each other.
Speaker 2:Good night.