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The Battlefield Of The Mind
Introducing Rick Yee, author of the groundbreaking book "Everything is a Choice" - where he teaches that even the most complex decisions can be broken down into simple choices.Rick's unique approach is all about training your brain and raising your awareness. Creating the truly authentic, high-value person you were always meant to be. He's helped countless individuals make life-changing decisions and take control of their lives. Don't settle for less than you deserve, start making choices that empower you with Rick Yee's guidance! This is the way, the warrior's way!
The Battlefield Of The Mind
77. It's All Who's FAULT? Shelly Settles with The Best Answer!
Have you ever wondered about the power dynamics of societal collapse, gender roles, and communication? This episode is a thrilling journey into these intriguing realms with our insightful guest, Shelly Audette Settles. We dissect societal power dynamics, survival instincts, and the role of emotional growth in our lives. We also delve into the power of unplugging from life's worries, and how your unique perspectives can shape your reality.
Our conversation takes a fascinating turn as we venture into the realm of anger, crying, and gender dynamics. Unearthing the impact of cultural conditioning and unequal power dynamics between genders, we examine the societal norms and cultural shifts in respect for women. Our talk takes a critical view of power dynamics, marginalization, and the need for compassionate leadership.
In the final part of our discussion, we ponder on how societal evolution has shaped our communication and how technology influences our behaviors. Shelly and I discuss the concept of individual responsibility, presence, and how this can enhance the quality of life. We end on the note of how our actions can change the world, the power of a single vote, and maintaining positivity. Join us for this mind-bending episode with Shelly and let's explore life's enigmas together.
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What's up, warriors, welcome back to the battlefield of the mind, and I'm back with Shelly Audette settles again, which, if you listen to the last episode we did, which she needs no introduction, and if you didn't listen to it, go back and listen to it and then come back to this one, so that way you know what's going on, because we're just jumping in. It's good to see you again, warrior Shall.
Speaker 2:I catch us up on your mind.
Speaker 1:How are you doing?
Speaker 2:What do you like? I have so forward to visiting with you again. I think we're the same person in two different bodies, so it's a lot of fun to be here. Thank you, I just been working feverishly trying to get the message out. You know, god is good, life is good, and you can always make it better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's actually a good point. What would your advice be to say, like you know what I want to make it better. What would shelly has been like you've been here for now. What 30 years, 40 years? You've been around for a minute, so like?
Speaker 2:minute and a half.
Speaker 1:What? What would your advice be for people to make it better? You're like, I can't see it. My awareness isn't there yet. If you can drop some wisdom, what would your wisdom be?
Speaker 2:I've actually been thinking about this a while because I'm doing a couple of other podcasts and I think there's benefit in knowing that Doesn't matter how badly we've screwed up. The trick is to unplug from your screw up and Stop thinking about it, because when you think about it over and over and over or I should have done this, or I should have Done that we just make the rut in the road deeper and Then it gets harder to get out of. So at any point, you know the Bible says his mercies are new every morning. But at any point you can say you know what, I'm gonna get a handle on this and I'm gonna think differently. And as soon as you make that quality decision about thinking differently, your Problems start getting smaller because you're no longer putting your energy into them. They're not growing anymore because you're focusing on them. So that's a huge thing. That took me a long time to learn, but, man, once you've got it, it's a life changer. Does that make sense to you?
Speaker 1:Let me see if I got it right. If I'm screwing up, I need to unplug, because I'm reliving things over and over again. So if I think differently for my problems, all my problems go away.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's pretty succinctly put. Problems are created in our mind anyway, because, just like stress for some people, talking on a pat podcast might be extremely stressful for them, or standing in front of an audience and delivering a message, or a boardroom and talking to two other people, it can be extremely stressful. Then put you on a stage. You don't find it stressful at all. It's how you're thinking about the situation. So if you are aware that your problems are Problems that you've created inside yourself by how you're thinking about them, you can Deconstruct the process and look for the good in everything. And that sounds so yes, it sounds so Polly-annish, from that Disney movie years ago, but it's really, really true.
Speaker 2:One of the things you stop is that toxicity that floats around in your, in your own body, when you're grousing and growling and complaining. It, as soon as you stop that opens up your mind to think and see different things. And once you think and see different things, man, you're, you're ahead of the game, because now those options that were always there for a person you can now see and appreciate and choose among. When you're, when you're closed up and toxic, focused on your bad thoughts, then you're just repeating your day. It's like Groundhog Day, and in the worst way. You know the build-in-a-roo movie. I'm sure you caught my reference.
Speaker 1:You, oh, you know I'm with you, Okay, so let's go in, instead of having the Polly-anna ism which is like everything is awesome, everything is wonderful, you know, like going over overboard on, like it's all good, it's all good, it's all good, which is some people's defense mechanism, which, especially the Enthusiast types they're like no, everything's fine, everything's good happen for a reason. We're good.
Speaker 2:Yes, we've all heard that. I'm not talking about that, but I am talking about when you unplug from focusing on your problem Then then everything just kind of calms down and once you get into that calmer state of mind you can think more clearly. You're not a knee-jerk reaction Just adding insult to the problem at hand. So there's a lot of truth to the unplugging from your problem and starting to think positive, because that creates its own momentum.
Speaker 1:Okay, so like the, the concept of your perception is reality. So you mean?
Speaker 2:I had a Bible teacher who hated that, but I think it's true, because it's a filter that we look at life through, and if you've got rose-colored glasses on or you know a negative view on life, you're taking in information that may not be real to anybody else, but it's real to you, it's affecting your life as though we're real Absolutely. In that case, then, doesn't it mean?
Speaker 1:that when somebody sees something that we don't understand. We're gonna add something from the past that happened to us to make it so that we connect it. So it makes sense. The mind loves to figure things out.
Speaker 2:The mind will fill in the blanks and Write whatever your paradigm has for those blanks, just so it'll make sense to you. I think that's probably both a gift and a curse. I like to have things in nice little boxes and organized and well thought out, but that's not most of my days. You know. It's not life Generally for most people. Yeah, it's neat that we can do that though.
Speaker 1:We can add in something to make it so that anything becomes something that we want it to be like. Well, what are you guys talking about? It doesn't matter what it is. It can be political, it could be religious, it can be, you know, race and so on. It can be, you know, racist, it can be bigotry, it can be hatred, it can be love, it can be kindness. We can do all of these things. We can turn it into whatever we want, and I've seen it happen, which is the most. I just did a podcast recently with somebody and they were explaining how Something that was built for peace I think it was it was a rainbow crosswalk in California and and the new mayor wanted to get rid of the rainbow crosswalk, which was supposed to be Indignant of unity.
Speaker 2:It was supposed to be, you know now we are unified.
Speaker 1:You know, Inclusivity is what it's supposed to be. And this person added in that having the rainbow crosswalk is now representing the white gay men who started it and Now creating a negative culture around it because of white men that were gay.
Speaker 2:I'm like fillin in some time.
Speaker 1:Well, that's what I mean is we created a new filter that made something that included inclusivity and then added in another thing to make it so that inclusivity is now bad if we include Some of the founding fathers of that mission Because of the color of their skin. So we added a racism filter and a sexism filter to something that was supposed to be inclusive to both.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to get rid of the rainbow crosswalk, and this is one of the things where, like, that thing by itself was meant to just be what it was for all of us, and that one person added a filter to change the reality of what they see when they see that and then try to convince others that, because they have a filter on, that creates hatred. That this is the way to peace is, follow my hate and get rid of good things Until I'm happy, which they never will be. They never because they're putting a hate filter on the world. And this is where we're watching the judgments and we're watching the guilt and we're watching shame and we're watching blame Become the weapons to make it, so people who mean well feel bad for doing it.
Speaker 2:Yep, I totally agree. I will take it one step further. You know the the two topics you should never bring up at a dinner party.
Speaker 1:What's your favorite food and bugs.
Speaker 2:That may be true too, but what I was looking for was religion and politics and the reason, because those are things that tend to be very deeply rooted and people just you know they care more about being right and defending their position than listening to the other person. So very, very tends to be divisory between the true groups. If you can so manage your life to where you don't have those strong opinions, you just Acknowledge that, that you know you have a strong opinion on something, but you know that's interesting, and not allow yourself to get wrapped up in either side of that, that pendulum shift, then you have started on the key to happiness, because nobody's able to push your buttons. When things happen in the world that you don't particularly like, you're keeping it at arm's length. It's not affecting you, you can care about it, but care about it like someone watching a movie Instead of someone who's living in the drama and is constantly stressed out because, oh no, you know the world's going to hell in a hand basket.
Speaker 2:I just cannot imagine God Ringing his hands, even over the problems we're facing today, even over our mistreatment of our brothers and sisters, even over, you know, every problem you could possibly name. But part of that is understanding that the world is happening through us and for us and we are. We're impacting our world by our thoughts and our choices. So if we can avoid getting that passionate hateful is another word for that About the things around us will be much happier when we're much happier we're back to that mindset where you can just relax and choose and create your circumstances and your options. You're not becoming a victim of circumstance, a victim of other political ideology. Not enough coffee this morning against.
Speaker 2:I'm still struggling to say some words. Political ideology how about that you don't become the victim of being this ping-pong ball just kind of bounced around like, excuse me, you remain in control, and I know that's one of the words that interests you is control.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love the word control, because it's one of the reasons we do all things. I think this is really funny. Being right, I think let's stick on this for a minute. I like the way you explained it and how people have to argue whether it be polarization I'm left, I'm right, or religious this is my faith, this is your beliefs, this is your faith. And you're wrong, I'm right and I think it's really funny. I was actually writing on this the other day. It's not super long. Can I share it with you? This is just a piece that I've been writing and maybe we can break it down together and work on it as a team.
Speaker 1:They started just off with the concept of beliefs, control and the way that we look at truth and being right in these things, and so I had a Marcus Aurelius quote I had in, where everything that we hear is an opinion, not a fact, and everything that we see is a perspective, not the truth. That was from Marcus Aurelius's meditations. Now, the truth is only what we believe, and beliefs do not require facts to exist. In our effort to accept the truth, we need to add parts to force it to make sense to us. So we take an experience, use that to forecast the future by making up assumptions and intentions, and then even go so far as to label it facts. Then we argue what we just made up is truth, so we can have order and control. This means if you are arguing over who is right, you're just selling who's limited information we agree on, which means you're already wrong.
Speaker 2:That is thought-provoking and I cannot find a place to argue with that at all. In fact, what happens is we make up our belief systems or they're installed in us early childhood, development and all that but we come up with our belief systems and then we look for the evidence to support it. Instead of this is the evidence. Maybe I need to change my beliefs, and part of that, I believe, probably comes from a survival mentality. You need to be right, because if you're wrong you could die. But it's taken to such a different place in our society today. I don't know if I mentioned this to you or not, but you actually have a reticulating activator. Yeah, reticulating activator is kind of the base of your skull, and that means that you are filtering out any information that you haven't deemed important. So what are you gonna do? You're gonna filter out information that doesn't agree with you, because you have this need, both from a psychological self-identity spot, to be right and then a evolutionary right, I suppose, to be right. It's based on your survival.
Speaker 1:So if your Well, survival has something to do with us being accepted and included. We're a pack animal, exactly, and so, since we're a herd animal, the more that I can increase my value, even if that means in some people who have a more toxic version of doing it. By diminishing another person's value, I can then increase my own instead of showing more value in what it is I bring to the table. I'll knock you down so that I feel like I'm more valuable, more in control, more accepted and more the one who's. You should all be listening to me.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:And this could be survivalist, it could be evolutionary, but I think it falls more under like more of the acceptance piece, so you can stay a part of the pack or part of the herd and secure yourself into not being ostracized or exiled.
Speaker 2:So is people pleasing? Because if I please you then you're less likely to ostracize me from the group, so there's safety in that. It's also been socialized into people.
Speaker 1:but yeah, with people pleasing. A lot of times, this is called the negotiator, and this is in the same book that I was just reading this little section from. I write about coping mechanisms and one of them is the negotiator, and this is the one where the people pleaser. What they'll do is I'll do whatever I feel like you need, and the more that you need me it is really because I need you. It's a co-dependency setup.
Speaker 1:And so I'm gonna do anything that you need. So you're good, because I need you, so that's why I'll do anything to make sure you stay with me, even if it's toxic.
Speaker 2:That's sacrificing parts myself and I derive myself worth because I have now pleased you. So therefore I've put myself up another notch in how I think about myself. Yeah, very interesting stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the acceptance piece as a social creature is very, very fascinating. It's neat what we do, but it's also neat because there's also been a lot of what you're talking about. These arguments only happen in good times.
Speaker 1:Yeah, good point, think about it for a second, If you think about it. Did you ever? This was back in the 60s, I think it was a Calhoun experiment with the universe 25. This is not a new thing. Do you remember hearing about that, where they've done it multiple times with different species of animals, but in that case it was mice? Do you remember this?
Speaker 2:I may as you go along. Right now it's not ringing any bells.
Speaker 1:So what they did is he created a mouse utopia and what it was meant to do, and this would be able to handle like 5,000, 6,000 mice, no problemo, like it would have as much food and water and scraps and everything that would be needed. It was a safe environment with no predators, the room temperature was always perfect, everything was perfect for mice, everything. And what they did is took eight healthy mice, men and four boys, four girls, put them in there in the first month or so. They're like searching to see is this danger? Is this danger? And once they realized that this was a safe area, they started breeding and multiplying like crazy, started creating the society very, very fast. Well, long story short and skipping a lot of pieces. So I would say check it out.
Speaker 1:What ends up happening is because of the society having all good things. As the young or the youth, they start to grow in a society with no predators, no purpose, no needs, no anything. All there is is just we have everything already there. Society peaks out. It was around 2,200 mice where they stopped being interested in breeding. They started becoming androgynous or gay. They stopped the males, stopped protecting the females, the women or the females stopped being interested in the males and started going off on their own and isolating.
Speaker 1:There was groups they called the pretty ones, where they got into just self-grooming and isolation and they just hung out together and just had no interest in breeding, no interest in doing anything. There was no, everything was taken care of. Why do I have interest in starting a family or protecting a woman, or even courting somebody with a waste of time and only? They became very self-centered. It was a really interesting thing that when things are perfect, society eventually gets to a point where it peaks out and then it imploded and in less than five years every mouse was dead. If you give everything, perfect, fascinating study.
Speaker 1:I don't remember hearing that.
Speaker 2:But I will tell you that as you were telling me about this story, inside there was this gut feeling oh, I know what happens Everything falls apart, they start turning on one another and society breaks down, and I think that's a fascinating subject. This is not scientific at all, but you remember the Matrix movie where Keanu's talking to whoever it was and he said well, we gave them a better script, but they didn't like it.
Speaker 1:They liked the script and he was talking to Mr Smith.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Mr Smith, right.
Speaker 1:No, no, yeah, but it wasn't Keanu, that was more.
Speaker 2:Mr Anderson was Keanu.
Speaker 1:So this I might help you because I'm nerding with you. Shelley, it was actually. It was a morphias talking to Mr Smith when he was captured in the first one talking.
Speaker 2:Was that when it was? Okay, I remember what was said.
Speaker 1:You will get nerd rage down if you say it wrong.
Speaker 2:Sorry about that.
Speaker 1:I'm saving you, I got you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I appreciate it. I clearly need to go back and watch those movies, but the line was so profound. It's like we gave them a better script and they didn't want it. They wanted the grind and the hardship.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're talking about that. They did it two different ways because you're talking about when Nia was talking to the architect, the older guy in the chair. Yeah, maybe that was right.
Speaker 2:I still have to watch it again because it's not that firm. But that's that conversation and it's just like huh, that's just like us human beings. If we don't have a problem, many of us will create that problem because again we're back in our familiar zone. It produces all of the stress chemicals that we're comfortable with and we don't know how to behave when we don't have them. So that's part of the mind shift thing that has to happen when you unplug is you have to and Dr Joe Dispenza says that you have to break the habit of being yourself Because, from a chemical standpoint, all of your thoughts are producing this soup in our cells. And when we don't find ourselves with a problem but we're used to having that certain stress chemical soup in us, then we will create that.
Speaker 2:It's our paradigm again, bringing us back into the status quo, whatever we're used to. It is not a comfort zone, but it is a familiar zone. So even at that level people reproduce the chemical structures in their bodies. So good on them for trying to make some changes, because the changes are not as hard as they think. One of our paradigms is that it's gonna be awful and it's hard to change things. It's only awful and hard to change things because we think it will be and we don't want to have to put out the work or the effort that's. That study of yours is fascinating. I mean you said it was 25, project 25. What was it?
Speaker 1:Universe 25.
Speaker 2:This is the oldest thing.
Speaker 1:They've actually recreated it with multiple different animals to see if it would change anything.
Speaker 2:It doesn't change much, does it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, which goes to show where, like, if things are very, very convenient and things are good, like we will make things bad. What is well? There's a quote I don't want to mess it up. I think it was like hard, or like tough times makes strong people, or hard times make strong people, strong people make good times, good times make weak people and then weak people make hard times, and that's the cycle that continues over and over again and it's something along those lines. But it'd be one of those things where, like you know, people who had to work their asses off and the industrial age and then bring it up and build and create, and then America was built on a foundation of hard work and principles. And then the biggest problem I've seen in almost all things and it doesn't matter if it's fitness, it doesn't matter if it's diet, doesn't matter if it's a goal, doesn't matter. You know business, the hardest thing that I see someone go through is winning. It's the hardest thing.
Speaker 1:What happens when everything that you wanted happens? What happens when you get the goal that you've always dreamed of and you don't? You're like where do I go from here? Like I did all the things I ever wanted and I did it. You're like, well now what? And if your purpose for years was to create something that would make you feel fulfilled, and then you created it, well, now what? You know you see someone go for a weight loss goal and then they hit it, and then what did they do? They go right back to their old behavior that gains all the weight back. And so this is one of those things where what happens when people just win and you're watching an instant gratification society, we're watching people who everything is instant and the if you wanna get likes or if you wanna get whatever followers or anything, it's instantaneous. It used to be your social circle was important, and now people are thinking that because I've got likes or followers of people, I don't really know that I am more than fulfilled and being able to have a social circle complete.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, not true, but yeah, I feel everything's good, but it's a belief system Based on everything is instantly yours. It's. Everything is good. What do I need your approval for? I can just have a million more people like me more.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You know it's like, but they don't know you. But yeah, but I have plenty, I don't need more. They don't know you, but they know what you project to them.
Speaker 2:They know what you want them to see, and so your stats go up.
Speaker 1:I suppose you feel known. You feel known, and so where is it that you?
Speaker 1:need anything. And also, how hard do we have to work for food? How hard do you have to work for your home to stay warm and we're cool or nice, you know, like it's, we don't really struggle. Where you have to hunt and gather, we don't really struggle. You can go to the store, we can just go get food. Like, do we have to work for money? Yeah, but money has become an interesting thing. Those who know how to make it, make it and those who don't really struggle with not knowing how to make it. It's an interesting time and there would always be poor people. That's not, you know, shame anybody. That's just how all economies work. But things are weird right now.
Speaker 1:Because it seems like that separation is becoming more. I know I'm in circles with people who have a lot of money and they seem to be having no problem making more money, and then I see people who are really struggling to make money and they can't make any more money. It's getting harder for them. It seems like it's now separating more and more.
Speaker 2:But it's not anything out there that's separating the middle class becoming hotter. Yeah, yeah, it's not anything out there that's separating, because it's the same. If you live in Chicago, then your experience is gonna be the same experience as other Chicago people have. Let me get rid of this phone call. Okay, you had talked about what happens when you achieve your goal.
Speaker 2:I wish I could remember the exact stat, but years ago there was a study by the Social Security Administration, I believe, that said that most people you know they work all their lives to retire and once they retire, there's only so much golf you can play and unless you reset another goal, that person who has poured his life into his work, now, when he suddenly doesn't have that anymore, they're dead within two years.
Speaker 2:The key to prolonging that, of course, is engaging in life and resetting that goal. So that would be good advice for anyone who has gotten all of their goals attained and bucket list items checked off is find something else that you can pour your passions into that keeps you young. The spirit is always seeking expression and expansion. So the moment you decide to not grow, not learn, not develop, then you're like my plants in my garden that are totally overrun by weeds right now, they're gonna start the dying process because they're just choked off, and that's what happens to human beings too, when we don't keep the garden of our hearts and minds clear, I guess, and engaged and continuing to grow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's very interesting. It's interesting to say that as soon as you lose your passions for anything, you'll die within two years.
Speaker 2:Failure to thrive. People will retire. It happens with anybody who's been marginalized and they can't re-engage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that also creates a belief system and a filter that they see the world in. Yeah, to make it so like the way that they see things. That is the truth and I shall make sure that anything that I have been through I will make sure that it will apply to what's happening to make sure that it makes sense to me.
Speaker 2:Now you can, as an adult, go back and redefine something that happened to you as a child, but unless you also address it at the heart issue, you're just gaining more knowledge and more heard information and probably more frustration, because you say in your mind well, I know that wasn't true, I know that my mom and dad really loved me and they didn't abandon me and all these things. But your heart still feels that way because for most people their development of their heart kind of stopped around age six or seven, so they're making emotional decisions based on being a six-year-old or an eight-year-old Kind of scary. But that might be one of the reasons why the marriage rates are the statistics aren't so good is because people have not made that transition and healed some of the issues.
Speaker 2:Your thought you're thinking I can see your brain wheels turning.
Speaker 1:It's a factor? For sure it's a factor, but we're also in a society that says that if you don't like something, just get rid of it and get another one.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's that is, the society.
Speaker 1:And so we're taught that everything is disposable. I would just swipe right or get another one, or it's super easier. There's a million fish in the sea, go get another one, and so instead of having to work through.
Speaker 2:The problem is never in that person that you're swiping right on or getting rid of. The problem has always been here, but yeah.
Speaker 1:That's nonsense, though it's everything else it's not. I am perfect and everyone else is the mistake.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, when you don't accept responsibility, sure then you don't know that much.
Speaker 1:I don't want to talk about that. It's everybody else and we're going to listen, I agree is the only option. It is funny too, because I watch people do speak in judgments and speak in blame and they don't realize that you are a huge factor in all of the things that are happening. But they can't remember we talked about this right before. Recording the truth and reality are like poetry and most people hate poetry and so, like telling the truth, I'm like well, the thing is is you're the one who kind of dictated the way that entire thing was and you did contribute to every argument and you did enable in this whole area and it did stay with the person far longer after you knew exactly who they were. You get new and you're like but I'm going to stay because I'm the mechanic.
Speaker 1:I fix them, I make them better, because I know what the right way thing should be is. And I'm like well, that sounds really nice. Who taught you that? And they're like oh well, no, no, I never grew up in like a healthy relationship. I just know how I want it to be. And I'm like so you've never actually seen it done, but you're going to tell others to change so they can do it the way you think it is supposed to be. It's like the blind for sure leading the blind, yet you know bass.
Speaker 1:It's interesting Also it's interesting to do what I say without any empathy towards what it is that you have to overcome. Also, I am correct and I don't want to hear what hurts your feelings about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my where the higher cancel.
Speaker 1:You cancel your conversations for having it, because if you disagree with me, you're done. I don't want to hear it.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm not even sure what to say to that, rick, other than I totally understand you've. You've taken a nice snapshot of some of the issues that are out there. I choose to believe that, even though people respond like that, it's just ignorance, because they don't know what they don't know. And if they knew what you and I know about the inherent power on the inside of us to change and make some different choices, omg, life would be better for everyone, not just us, but for the people around us who kind of have to suffer through our crap, for lack of better word.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's part of the reason why we get to have these conversations is we use a lot of satire and sarcasm in this, but it's only because it should be ridiculous.
Speaker 2:It should be.
Speaker 1:It should be. It's one of those things where, if we ever say out loud what it is that we're doing behaviorally, it sounds something laughable. You know, there's there, here's. I'll give you another example. Just like what we're doing. It's sarcasm, but it's meant to be like. Don't you see, when I do anger training, for example and this is both men and women, this isn't just the guys, even though guys are generally, you know have more anger when it comes down to how people are, have you ever seen somebody trying to get their point across and the other person gets their feelings hurt? Or they get hurt in the process and then they start crying and the person who was trying to get their point across now gets mad that the other person is crying and starts getting meaner to them because they're upset that they're crying. Have you ever seen anything like this before Somebody gets hurt? If you're play wrestling or something, they go. What are you crying about? Stop being a wuss Like you know, whatever it would be. Have you ever seen any behavior like this before? Right Of course.
Speaker 1:Or if you're crying, you know, remember this quote. Finish this for me. Tell me, if you heard this, what are you crying for?
Speaker 2:Maybe I can give you something to cry about.
Speaker 1:I'll give you something to cry about, even this kind of things. Let's look at that for a second and we'll do both of them. You're crying and I don't understand why you're crying, and I'm so detached from my feelings to understand sadness that, in order to make sense of why you're crying, I'm going to hurt you in another way. So at least I understand why you're crying. Make sense.
Speaker 1:I don't want to ask you, what's making you cry in the first place, and understand what hurt you? Because I don't understand what hurt you and most likely it was something that I said or did that did hurt you, and I do not want to have that conversation.
Speaker 2:Or I'm going to cry to manipulate me. That's something else I have seen.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, well then I'm going to hurt you, so at least you don't manipulate me. And then I understand why you're crying. Nice. Now, if we say it out loud, you're like this is all around a dick move, this is a mess Like, but that was. How do you know the same sentence. I know that carried on through generations, that crazy thought process. Here's the other one I was talking about.
Speaker 1:If, like, we were arguing and you got upset and started crying and I'm like what are you crying about? You're being such a baby. You're being such a wuss. You know what this is so annoying. I hate talking to you for this. You're always crying about shit. I can't fucking get my fucking particle and you watch people start losing their minds when the reality of what just happened is is you felt unheard and you feel like whatever your value was is now being diminished by another person's feelings, hurt, and so now you'll go unheard, because now we have to address somebody else's feelings. Who are hurt. That means my needs are unmet. Now you have needs that are unmet. I'm mad at your unmet needs because they create an unmet need for myself, that's right.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to be meaner to you because we both don't have needs being met. So I'm going to create a reason that makes sense to me that you're crying because, instead of going hey, whoa, what happened? Like what's going on with you, I'm trying to connect with you and it didn't work. What happened? Instead of understanding you don't want to do that because you want to hear about you.
Speaker 2:You don't want to show empathy. You want it to be all around about you. That's why you're turning the conversation back around.
Speaker 1:Shelly, it's about me. I started the Congress, it's my turn, and if you start crying, you take all of the attention off of what I need. That's right and I'm not hurt, but that's okay because I'm not hearing you.
Speaker 2:but I'm not hurt, so I don't need to hear you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hold on, it's still about me, shelly it's still about me. It's so funny. This is how we operate, and yet we say that my way is the better way. Yeah, but if you say it out loud, doesn't that sound ridiculous? It sounds like what? What are we doing here? We do it all the time, and this is just breaking down something as simple as a misunderstanding in an argument or somebody's feelings being hurt.
Speaker 2:I will take issue with something you said earlier, Rick. You said that you thought men were more angrier. I think they're more expressive of their anger, but I don't think they're any more angrier than women, I think they're right, it's a great capacity for women to be angry, but we'll let that out through manipulation.
Speaker 2:We'll let that out by turning it inward to ourselves. You know, becoming emotional, having a very in the toilet self image about ourselves, because you know, I'm angry but I don't know how to channel it, I don't know how to handle it in a healthy way and I can't dare throw it on you because you might hurt me. You're bigger and you're stronger, so you know I'll just shrink back, I'll take a little less oxygen out of the room and you know, if I say I'm sorry enough in various different ways making your, you know favorite meal and shine your shoes and do whatever people pleasing behavior she were talking about earlier then then I could survive At some point. I think there's a lot of, not just women, but a lot of people. They might tend more often to be women, but I think there's just a lot of people that are living their life at that level and that's very, very sad to me, very, very sad.
Speaker 1:It's also highly culturally too. I've talked to people in European countries and other countries. That's a suppression leads to expression and like. So denial is the first part of people's systems Retreat, hide, suppress, push it down. Don't talk about it.
Speaker 1:No, there are obvious physical differences between men and women and are naturally stronger, especially upper body, and so we are more dangerous. We just are, and debate any human on earth for this one. Men are more dangerous than women physically, they just are. It's why we don't have them fight in MMA. It's a terrible idea, it's not a good idea. And so with that, when it comes down to, oh, it's going to get to a physical altercation, well, women don't want to fight guys. It's a terrible idea, which is ironic because if you look at the shield for society which you listen, riddle me this. You tell me this why do you think the thing that guys say like don't hit a girl? Where do you think that that came from? Like, how did that happen? Did women do a protest against men and then force men to stop hitting women? Like, how did that happen? Well, don't hit girls. Like what? Where did that come from? Did women beat up the guys and make them not not hit girls anymore, like where did it come from? How did it happen?
Speaker 2:I would like to say that it is a natural reaction to the fact that men have mistreated women throughout the years in different societies where we were property more than co-equal partners in this world. But you know what, since every society is different, I can only speculate what. What's your answer, rick? I would love to hear it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure there was a mistreatment of women and there's no debate. Like men were Terrible, even Bibliki Terrible to women. You can't read Deuteronomy and tell me like they just were awesome to women. No, she gets stoned, he gets a slap on the wrist like don't do that, like it was not good. So no, no argument. Men would do terrible decisions, and other cultures too, like disfiguring women and things like this, monstrous things to women, for Sure.
Speaker 1:Now, once we start getting into more of a civilized age, you start going like listen, where guys are still 30 style boxing each other at the bar and then going home Like you can only go so far, you can beat each other up. But like if I go home and clock Shelly a good one and like Shelly's out like she only takes like one hit my boy Johnny, we fight for an hour but shelly got one pop, she's done it. Then I got a cook dinner myself. It's annoying, like. Like at some point you start going like our girls aren't really built for this and you start feeling kind of bad because, as a protector, which is a natural part inside of us, you start feeling bad when your girls beat up or your girl isn't okay and that's a, it's a part inside of us. I think that there was a culture you tell me even in your age, like guys don't hit girls, was that appreciated or not appreciated? And you know, growing up I Think it was appreciated.
Speaker 2:I know my husband tells his story of his older sister who would just Womp on him when he was a little boy when he grew up and tried to want back. Suddenly guys don't hit girls, so you know there was a little bit of Sibling rivalry there that only worked in one direction, when it was to her favor. But she was the bully of the school bus too.
Speaker 1:So oh for sure but where did the rule? Well, who in for who enforces the rule that boys don't hit girls?
Speaker 2:I think it has to be self-policing, or if not, then I'm calling the police and saying that that Rick is what me.
Speaker 1:Which police show up, is it gonna be a whole bunch of women?
Speaker 2:Now Anybody showing up at all?
Speaker 1:But if we're talking about even growing up, how common was a female police officer growing up?
Speaker 2:Not very common at all.
Speaker 1:It's not very common. It would be men policing men then at that point. But where did the rule that men come to stop men hitting women? It didn't come from women making men do it. It didn't happen that way. At some point guys got together and said, hey, listen, this is not a good look and it's not cool, and we got to quit doing that stuff. You know like. So how about? We all just thought we got quit in our girls. We don't hit girls anymore. They just they don't do well with it. It's not a good look. I feel bad. Afterwards we got to quit it like alright, yeah, fair enough. Guys decided we should stop hitting girls. Guys did the girls didn't make guys do anything. We all decided we'd police each other on this one. Men decided Don't hit girls, right.
Speaker 1:That's a good one, and so when we get into this type now, where you look at current society, actually it's interesting. I got three teenage girls. The shield that was created out of love and out of compassion of don't hit our girls, we're not gonna do that anymore during your age was appreciated. I appreciate that these guys respect girls and don't hit them. I appreciate that. Well, now girls are like you can't hit me because I'm stronger than you. Let's never test it. You're just a monster and your Toxic masculine and you're evil and you're bad if you ever hit a girl, so I can do anything I want because of the shield you guys created out of love.
Speaker 2:Is that really the issue of what's happening? Or could it just be society being out of whack, where you can identify any way you want to identify and you can Say anything is true, because it's your right to say it and defend it. Doesn't make it true.
Speaker 1:Right. But why would that be an issue to say? Like you know, we can shame. I don't have any problem with people saying whatever they want. That doesn't bother me, and people can believe anything they want. The only issue is when they start trying to make it laws.
Speaker 2:So your reference to your daughters not Appreciating the fact that they are not Womped on because they are the weaker vessel, or however you want to call it that's a biblical term, I think it was mistranslated. We have different roles, different physical bodies, but there's no equality difference. So when you're, when your daughters, say that you can't womp on me because I'm actually stronger than you, I'm not gonna prove it. You just have to trust me on that, that it's a backlash to Social norms, or are you saying something else?
Speaker 1:I Think it's something else. I think what I'm saying is that women are abusing the fact that men decided to stop hitting them, as though now I can do what I want, because you won't do anything about it. People will, all people, this is not just women. All people will go as far as their consequences allow.
Speaker 2:That is certainly true in any other Example you want to use, so there's no reason to think it wouldn't be true in the example of the women Pushing it as far as they could. But there's still plenty of guys out there that may have heard the we don't want on, but they don't. They've never signed in the bottom line and agreed to that.
Speaker 1:There's still a lot of Abuse in marriages, in relationships boyfriend, girlfriend, uh would you say that that has gone up since you were young, or down? I don't. I really do want your opinion. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:Number say maybe I want your experience.
Speaker 2:It might be more publicized now. It was probably the dirty little shame I. I remember my neighbor Neighborhood, kind of like older sister, but she wasn't in her family. We just did everything as a unit. I Remember her mom wearing the sunglasses in the house. I remember seeing Mary's black eye underneath. Nobody ever talked about it but it didn't take it was a little. Yeah, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out. There was some wanton going on, because somebody lost that argument, and I don't, you know fair enough.
Speaker 2:I don't know, it just made me more talk about now.
Speaker 1:Could be very right. That could be correct, you know. So it may be true and it's something that now we just talk about it more. The numbers on it are very interesting. On this, if you look at the change it's happening I think it was the recent thing I saw and it could be changed Is that women are actually hitting men three times more now than men are hitting women. But when men hit a woman it's three times more effective and, yeah, far more noticeable. And so women are hitting men a lot, but guys, they're not reporting as many times. It's not coming up.
Speaker 2:Think about it for you guys are in battered relationships for you to admit I don't disagree that there's men battering, but for you to even raise your hand and say I was battered by my spouse I mean it was the whole Johnny Depp ever heard thing played out in the tabloids it. It takes a lot out of you and yourself image to admit that happened, because that's not how guys Represent themselves. You know they're tough and burly interesting, right?
Speaker 1:You think so, right? Except we're still humans. There's a thing I watched. I watched people do studies on this. I'm watching do their own independent studies too. I was watching an example of If there was a guy in a girl, they did this role reversal thing and on one thing they had the girl.
Speaker 1:Like a girl on a guy just arguing on the street, just arguing. I like right in a right in a walkway, like you know, pick a city and just walk in there and she's got him pushed against the window and just be raiding him and Slaps him in the face. And people are walking by and they're like, yeah, what you gonna do, bro? Oh, like just. And he's just sitting there just getting like, not fighting back, not doing anything. She's just going in on him. He's just standing there and she hits him and everyone's like Dang, that's screwed up man. When they flip the script, and he's yelling at her and raises his hand all of a sudden like people are tackling him and Going after him. This is the same behavior. Yet there is something society say that men need to be stopped from doing the same behavior than if a woman was slapping a dude and tearing them apart. Well, what is that?
Speaker 2:I Don't know you see what I mean. There needs to be that mutual respect. Now I'm I haven't seen the same study that you were referring to. Did they break it down along racial lines? Did? Did one demographic? Okay, all right, so there wasn't even a.
Speaker 1:This isn't, we're not even adding not even adding race to this, we're just going just with just Guy and girl right now. I think in this one there was a white guy, white girl, so same thing, like just. But I don't know how different it would be if it was, you know, the other way, in a different race or different culture in America at least I don't know. But I think that a guy hitting a girl in public is very different than a girl hitting a guy in public.
Speaker 2:Shouldn't be, but it is right.
Speaker 1:But if a woman starts be raiding and tearing a guy down, everyone, like the guys, don't seem to have that same unity for each other.
Speaker 2:If we defend themselves, then they're. They're gonna be like my grandson's on the soccer field you get fouled, but you react. Guess who the ref sees? They see you For reacting to what the other guy did. So that may be a component on why guys don't retaliate In like kind. But you know, if they did it would just keep escalating everything. So you know.
Speaker 1:Now we're seeing the pendulum and this is where I was saying you'd think, and this is where, like you know, I actually would challenge women. I've trained women like I would challenge women if you want things to be better, do what you said you would do if you had the chance, you know. And so women would say if we had control, if we had power, if we were calling the shots, they'd be more compassion, they'd be more nurturing, they'd be more empathy, they'd be more understanding. And now women are in power. And are you seeing that happen?
Speaker 2:No, but that sounds a whole lot like the golden rule doing to others as you would want them to do into you.
Speaker 2:Sure but we don't practice that as a society and that's part of the problem of our allowing ourselves just to get so emotionally wrapped up in the crapola that's around us. We make, we make it personal, we take it on and now we feel that we have to stand up for what's right. And of course, you're gonna define what's right differently perhaps, and what I would define or your neighbor across the street would define, and it it's not a good Prescription for society moving forward.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you look at the base of it all, it's not about doing what is right. It's about who is right. It's not about trying to find the golden rule and treat others the way we'd like to be treated. It's not about using our strengths to better each other. It turns into control and the truth becomes the filters you were talking about at the beginning. The way I see the world is how I shall try and do what I can to make it what I believe. It is so that I am the center and I rule and I am right and I will enforce it to be so, and if you don't agree, I will force others to force you to agree, and this will make it truth or law or policy or the rules or whatever we decide, because I want it my way, but that's that.
Speaker 2:That's absolutely true. However, the law of polarity would suggest that even when you have society going to the absurd, like you just described, there's always gonna be pockets of people who are saying you know what this is stupid, let's try life and do life a little different. And that's why you're getting your message out there, that's why I'm getting my message out there, because there's always options you don't have. I mean, society might be swept along in In that river, but there's always gonna be voices and saying you know, mahatma Gandhi was you know there's always gonna be voices saying there's a different way, and the degree of people saying you know what.
Speaker 2:We tried canceling them. We can't cancel them. Let's listen to those voices now, don't you think that? I think it's a scary thing.
Speaker 1:Well, what happens for the pendulums? Like, there's always fringes that try to push the limits, of course, people who felt Marginalized or abused. Well, once they have the, they have the stick. Like, now it's your turn to get abused. Like, yeah, there's always the people who won't. They won't seek a balance or peace. They have to push their limit. But a lot of times again, the reason I brought up the who said stop hitting girls, guys did.
Speaker 1:Well, what happens when you make the people who made the rule to stop hitting you the villain? Well, the rule I made to protect you is now being completely lost on. Like guys, like your brother who's like, or the guy who is getting Wailed on by a sister, and then, like, now I'm supposed to follow this rule. Like, yeah, I can abuse you, you can't abuse me. Well, the only reason you, I can't abuse you is because that's the reason I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to abuse you is because this guy's made a rule to not abuse you, but now you can be abusive. Well, at some point, the measure of actual strength will come onto the table for people who want to push the pendulum and the majority would push back and start going. We were being cool with you and you got very uncool when we were Like that's just the way that all things work and this doesn't matter politics, it doesn't matter race, it doesn't matter gender, it doesn't matter any French group that pushes against the large majority that, like, empowered them. It's going to go. We're just gonna take that back hard. Yeah, that's not gonna be good.
Speaker 1:I have three teenage girls. I do not look forward to the young guys who are not growing up with respect for women, who are not growing up in a World where, like you know what? Hey, you don't hit girls. You know they're like no, we're all equal and if you want to step up, you're stepping up. When you create a world like this, you're gonna create a world where women are gonna get hurt really bad and boys are gonna feel either shamed for being alive or being stronger, which they're trying to do this game or they're gonna make it.
Speaker 1:So guys become more abusive. There's not really any of the things that, if a woman had control, she's doing be compassionate, be empathetic, be understanding, be nurturing. If women were doing their role in power, they would have a very different outcome. But it turns out when you give weak people, and this is both men and women. When you give weak people power or authority, they abuse it. We're not qualifying any more based on qualities, values, experience, leadership. We're qualifying based on skin color and race and gender, and you know, sexual preference.
Speaker 2:Well, those are not leadership qualities for years in the church community, you would have. One of the biggest complaints I would hear women say is I don't have a godly man in my home. My husband isn't, you know, reading his Bible, he isn't praying, he isn't doing what he should be doing. He goes out, he makes the money, but then he goes to the bar he drinks. So there was this call for this Godly man to rise up.
Speaker 2:Well, what you just described is a female population who, by and large, have seen men, even though they made a great rule don't hit on women they have seen men not be fathers in their homes, not being the man or the husband that they should be. That does not give women the permission to be manipulative or to do the same things they were complaining that the men were doing. We all have to have our personal responsibility, but it's very possible that no blame here but it's very possible that there was a misunderstanding and the two sides, male and female, weren't doing a good job communicating from the get go, and so because of that, we have created what we now have. So the answer has to be getting back to communicating, sharing your feelings, not stuffing them, cause when you do that, your black eye might be on the outside, if he wants, on you. But if you stuff those feelings, that turns into all forms of sickness and disease. That's not a good long-term strategy. But you have to communicate, cause you think that other person should know and so you blame him for not knowing. He didn't have a chance to know, because neither side is doing a great job expressing their needs, their desires, their hopes, their wants, their dreams.
Speaker 2:So it's really kind of interesting that for years we were talking a little bit about marriage. I got to ask my husband how many years we've been married, but I think it's 48 in December. We're not the same people, so we can't be accused of having a 48 year old marriage, but on paper we certainly do. We've changed so much. We still have more communication issues than anything else. Well, I thought you said this. No, I told you that. And then it's like where'd that come from? With attitude behind it. It's one thing to be misunderstood, cause you're saying the words, the person's nodding, like you are, and you think that they're listening, but their mind could be a million miles away. Unless you clarify that and get some agreement more than a head nod which is socialized into us, then, by the grace of God. It's amazing we're still here and then we have to blow ourselves up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, correct, and I do agree with you. I had nod because, like, I'm like, yes, I do see it. I don't defend all men. You can tell them. We said, hi, okay, I do agree, there's a lot of guys and if you look at, our society is dismantling itself from the ground up. I'm not defending bad men, not at all, and I don't defend bad women, not at all. There's people who are doing bad and they would know bad because you said the golden rule, I agree, I agree with you very much.
Speaker 1:How are we communicating? I think one thing that's interesting in an instant society, instant gratification society, is how listening stops when things are so good and we're not working on a common goal for solving a problem. We'll create problems by just omitting my part to it. That's not right and then putting everything on you. So that way I've alleviated accountability and power on my side to do something about it and everything is your fault and you should be hurt for blame or put down or canceled or destroyed for it.
Speaker 1:We're in a very interesting time Just to watch the dismantling of communication because of how well things were convenient and things were good and we had things going well enough that we made a whole new set of problems. This is again like I would say that there was harder times before and now there's more convenience, as before. Well, if we do actually pull off creating a utopia where machines and AI are just taking care of everything for us everything from cooking, driving, growing, building, you name it and things are just good and let's say they're actually do achieve some level of like, hey, the autonomy or the automations are making it so that we no longer have to struggle over resources and so people are no longer struggling for food or shelter or water and things are good. Would it really make things better? Maybe for a time.
Speaker 1:But good times make weak people and weak people make hard times, and this is why that universe 25 thing, why we're watching what's happening with the breakdown in society just between men and women, why we're watching young boys becoming not good men and why we're watching young girls becoming hyper aggressive women and like the breakdown on what things are are becoming more interesting. That even the idea of like the pretty ones, the mice, that like I call women off, I'm done with that, I'm just gonna do my own thing. Well, that's where you see the red pill movements and the meaght house stuff and the guys I'm just done with, I'm done. You women are the worst. Like you start seeing, like now, these successful guys who would be good breeding material are now just done playing the game. And so then what happens when society starts falling apart the way that it is? It seems like this stuff should be pretty obvious, because these studies have been done hundreds of times and yet here we are playing them out as though it's the first time it's ever been done.
Speaker 2:A study it's interesting.
Speaker 2:I'm just I say observationally, yeah, yeah, and I'm a proponent of observing rather than getting wrapped up into it to where we're producing that toxic soup in ourselves. But our, my premise is you're exactly right in everything that you've observed and have relayed. However, being the optimist I am, those who choose to have a different reality can still make a different reality for themselves, and that's what society is. I mean, we're all humans, we're all connected on that level. But you can go home tonight and decide to burn down your house other than me feeling sorry for your family. If you do that, it doesn't affect my world. I can still choose to have a happy life. So the more people who do that and start realizing you know what this is working.
Speaker 2:I don't have to be in the trenches making and I'm not talking about quality of life like you have a bigger car or a newer car. I'm talking about being at peace, being poopy in your own skin, being joyful to wake up and have something interesting that you're gonna do that day that you care about doing. To the degree that we can all raise our standard of living there, I think the material things play less of a part. I think the material things has been the substitute that advertising has told us we needed to be happy. So we have all this stuff and we're not happy now because it has to come in here.
Speaker 2:So that is not something that is a social movement. That's something that every single one of us has to say. You know what? I'm gonna take responsibility for me. I'm gonna think differently, I'm gonna make some different choices. I'm gonna have a different bath of serotonin and feel good chemicals rather than the cortisol and the feel crappy chemicals coursing through my body. I think that's individual responsibility and if enough individuals do it, then maybe society will catch on that. There's another option. Does that make sense? So, yeah, I hear what you're saying.
Speaker 1:I'm following.
Speaker 2:I hear what you're saying.
Speaker 1:So I like the idea of focusing on peace too instead. But it's funny, because is it like focusing on everybody making peace, or peace in ourselves and then projecting it through us? Which way do you think it works?
Speaker 2:Peace in ourselves. And there has been some studies and had I known it was going to turn this direction, I would have had those studies at my fingertips. But there are studies I wanna say that it was oh, I'll come up with his name in a moment here if I stop thinking about it but they did studies where 100 people aren't praying for peace, they're not projecting we don't have peace, we need peace. They're not begging for peace. The other people come together and just think in terms of peace, meditate, feel the love, feel the peace. Statistically, there was actually less crime happening in the city whenever they did. So, I think the peace. And Greg Braden I think it was Greg Braden, dr Greg Braden if you're familiar with his name, I'm sure you would be. Not all of your listeners might be, but he did some interesting studies on peace and yeah, it's gotta start here.
Speaker 1:So actually, I saw a really good presentation yesterday from Chris Terrell. He did a presentation on presence on time and this is where I wanted to bring it back to where you started. Everything that we talked about, every single conversation. We just had everything that we're observing and we're seeing it peppered in with beliefs. We're seeing it peppered in with observations. We're seeing it peppered in with information. We're seeing people adding in these different things from like when you were young, when I was young, what we think now and what we see now, what we're exposed to, what's our algorithms, and we're creating our own world. Get that puppy, get him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm trying to find my. There's your mic. Let me mute.
Speaker 1:But what we're trying to make sense of the world, the way that we are exposed to information and we don't know everything, but we know enough to make an opinion, and this means that it's already wrong before we even start arguing over who is right and wrong. And we went into all of these different things instead of looking inward to find peace. But even Lao Tzu he said that depression is when you're in the past, anxiety is when you're in the future and peace is in the present. And I think I'll be posting it soon, the amazing speech that Chris did, but he was talking about his journey of finding presence in peace, and the presence that's what it is is being able to go like.
Speaker 1:If you're going into the past, that's right now. You're going into the past and we're going through and reliving our memories, which are very incorrect. We add so much to our memories, which means it's inaccurate to begin with, and we keep going through it over and over again. Well, I'm doing that now. That means in the present, I'm living in the past and I'm doing it over and over again. But if I'm going into anxiety, which is where I'm looking at fear of what could go wrong, well then I'm going into the future, which is all. These are both superpowers, by the way. What an amazing thing that we can do is we can time travel and look into potential futures and create new pasts, which is amazing to begin with, but besides that, if you're going to be in peace, it's all right. Now it's tomorrow, is just today, is yesterday's tomorrow and the past, well, we can only relive that now, and so everything is now. Now is always, now, always.
Speaker 1:And even if we have a moment to do something, like he did, a really good example. I'm going to copy something he said, where he said look around and observe your room right now, like you're in the good old days. Right now, look around like, take a look. And even right now, we're resistant to go like, well, let me look around, let me take a look. We don't do it.
Speaker 1:There's a thing there? Well then, take some time, and then we start having our conversation. Well, that moment that we had to look around and be present in the present is now the past, and you can't go back in the past and look around now, because that was then, and so anything that you didn't notice by not looking around, you already missed. But anything you did. You saw, but how much was there to see versus how much you did see? And then you'll start adding in what things you knew were there, even if you didn't look around, and add in that that's what you saw, even if you didn't look around. In that moment we start creating all of these things in our past based on the things that we feel like we know, but it's inaccurate every time.
Speaker 2:And it is inaccurate every time. But since that's how our brain functions, why don't we just go back and fill it with good thoughts, Fill it with things?
Speaker 1:that we wish it would have been.
Speaker 2:That's reimagining. Just like you can go into the future and time project, time travel, you can go into your future and pick the experiences you want to have and focus on those. That gives your subconscious mind, your heart, fodder as a goal to work towards. And does it happen perfectly? I don't think I've met a person who manifests or does any of these things perfectly, but the pieces are all there. So, once again, you're in control and you can choose. Am I gonna choose thoughts that make me happy or stressed? It's a constant choice and a choice you have to make every moment of every day, because the phone rings, the husband comes home, new information is presented to you and since you're only getting a part of that information anyway, why not say you know what? The part of the information I'm not getting, I'm gonna choose to believe. It's out there and we have amazing power as human beings. And it isn't vaporware. It isn't lying to ourselves, any more than the beliefs we've chosen to believe. There are lies that we've told ourselves.
Speaker 2:Because now, we're gonna go look for the evidence out there. So again, we have an amazing innate superpower as human beings where we're capable of far more than we thought we ever would be, where we can hurt other people far more than we should be able to. And I'm not talking about weapons of mass destruction. I'm just talking about, in our relationships, things we have such power with our tongue, with our choices, and whether we're gonna bless or curse. I think it's an exciting time. It's a precarious time to be alive, but I think it's a very exciting time too, because the stakes are high, which means there can be big wins. Yeah, there's risks, but you risk, excuse me, I do have a counseling event coming up by 245, so we'll need to truncate it by then. Let me get rid of that computer thingy. I think we risk not even getting out of bed. I mean, a plane can come through your house or a car can crash through the road. You're not safe anywhere, brother.
Speaker 2:So accept it and make the best of life as you want it, because I don't wanna be a victim. I don't wanna be someone who says on my deathbed man, I should have, but I gave all my power away to other people. I need to be responsible for myself, and I think that's the essence that everybody has to come to is choosing to be responsible for your own actions, and that's a big one, because we played the blame game as we were talking about earlier. We've played that all our life, and rightfully so, in the respect that Nobody knew this stuff when I was growing up.
Speaker 2:So we have this self-image that is so fragile we don't have any left in our bank account to be responsible. It's got to be your fault, or his fault or her fault, because God knows my self-image can't handle it. I'm barely holding on as it is. That's where we've come from, but every day you can make a new choice not to stay there. That's kind of what I stand for. I think you do likewise. The whole warrior way is slapping yourself in the face and telling you to pull up your bootstraps and kick it in the rear and make something out of your life. Am I wrong?
Speaker 1:It's close, it's not too far away, but I do agree. My first book is Everything is a Choice, and so it's hard to disagree with the free will aspect and the decisions that we make. All are based on how we choose to handle things. And do I choose to blame or do I choose to accept? But it's only a choice. Do I choose to try to manipulate and control?
Speaker 2:It's only a choice. If you know you have a choice, does that make sense?
Speaker 1:It's only a choice, if you know you have a choice.
Speaker 1:Correct and you have to train awareness. Awareness is a skill. This is where I think people say well, I didn't know, so I'm alleviated of accountability. You just didn't learn how to practice awareness and you didn't know what you didn't know yet. And then can you give grace if other people also don't know what they don't know. That's also a choice. Oh, I didn't really know that. Well, if I didn't know that, I would just go and find it. Really, if you didn't know that something wasn't there, you would go look up something you didn't know to look up.
Speaker 1:Who are you lying to, us or you? This is one of those things where we don't give grace, and it's a choice. Responsibility for ourselves, accountability for ourselves, acceptance of what is not, learning how to grieve properly, trying to manipulate and control so that way I can feel safe and secure in using it as protection. These are all decisions we make and they are so I do agree with you very much the warrior's way. What am I doing? We're trying to create those pockets that you were talking about. There are abusive men and there are abusive women, and the numbers are going up on both sides. It's not good.
Speaker 2:Do you think the numbers are going up on both sides? Because the whole tenor of everything is just rising in society and it's an outlet. It doesn't have to be a well-placed outlet, it'd be misplaced.
Speaker 1:But I think that there's a lot of factors. I think one of the major factors is media and social media and that they can be controlled to make it so people are shown what they, whatever algorithm that they're in, and their belief systems now be completely altered to make it so that they believe the filters that they look through now are everything you know. I know people like back when BLM stuff and things like that were going on, where their algorithms were just police officers beating black people throughout all history. You know it could be in the 50s, the 60s, the 70s, it can be through all history, and all the videos would come up for them all the time. And so they really did believe that, like the cops are just out there beating everybody, like that's just all. Police are all. Police are bad and defund police and all these things. But then you would see people I knew police officers who were like we go the extra mile to not hurt black people. It's the complete opposite, and so they were in a totally different universe. Well, it was all one place.
Speaker 1:But whatever you expose yourself to the most, if you're watching one news type, then you believe one thing. If you watch the other news type, you believe the other thing, and both of them seem to be filled with judgment, blame and shame, which means, if you're not counting judgments on either side, you're being manipulated to be what you believe they believe you should be, and then you're going to lose friendships, lose family members and start hating and fill your heart with hate Because you choose to believe that what I am exposed to is all that there is. But it's not. It's a very skewed window of an algorithm that you've been sucked into because we have fallen into addiction. The addiction looks like this. This is what your addiction looks like, yeah, and it has all of it. It has all the same attributes of alcohol or drugs or anything. It's a little riddled with addiction, even porn addiction and shopping addiction and attention addiction. These all come from this device.
Speaker 2:And it also produces that chemical addiction that Dr Joe just said and talks about and I mentioned earlier. Because you're reading through stories and it's either in sight and yet a riot, or you're laughing at funny cat videos. Whatever it is you're searching for, you can find and reinforce that, even in a chemical addiction.
Speaker 1:And it will give you more of whatever it is you want. It doesn't matter how hateful or polarizing or fringe it is. You can find whatever you're looking for, and this is why I do agree with the choice aspect. But people aren't seeking awareness, they're seeking control and they're seeking blame and they're seeking to try to make things the best way they believe it can be for their families.
Speaker 2:Now, I do believe at the core that's what both are doing. You don't think that they're seeking escapism just to be numb?
Speaker 1:I think that people who are deep are, but it's not the people who are escapism. Those are people who are not capable of grieving and coping through reality. This is a denial system. So I'm trying to escape and trying to retreat, hide, suppress. That's an escapism. This is also connected in with distractions, which goes into a pleasure system. I want to feel good in any way leading to any type of addiction you choose.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's a different thing. This is people who are not doing well with reality at all. But then there's people who want to control reality, and that's what we're talking about, whether it's polyanism or if it's going to be destructive in some way, or controlling or manipulative, which could be Machiavellian and oftentimes it even looks psychopathic. There's things that people are doing where they do not have any connection or care about a human being's life anymore. I don't care, they can die. I hope they do die. And you're like why? Because they voted different than you this year, you know. Like you know, they don't have a belief system the way you believe for faith, and so they should all burn in hell. Like, hold on a second, like wait a second. You know we're going against our own golden rule and that's also a decision that we make. If you really did want to make it simple and I think that's why I like that when Jesus did that, he's like love God with your whole mind, body, heart and soul.
Speaker 1:Which none of us do, by the way, because we don't know how.
Speaker 2:We know you know, but but an effort in that direction and and between the two polar opposites and I do believe that most of society is somewhere in the middle, but for me, I would rather Be hopeful and focus on what's on my plate instead of trying to fix what I think everybody else ought to do. You know, fixing what's on your plate, with the exception of I have lived a little bit of life. I do know some of the hacks on what works and what doesn't work, maybe not for everybody, but for the majority of people. So, to the degree that I can help Again, not in a, not in a way that you need fixing. Therefore, I'm going to fix you.
Speaker 2:But if someone says you know what, I don't know what I don't know, it's the same thing you do when you write your books or when I write my books. You're putting that knowledge, that choice out there, and then God is a whosoever God. Whosoever will is throughout scriptures. We tend to ignore that as Christians and we try to. We try to group people into two groups the in group and the out group. But God was a whosoever will God and it wasn't whosoever will, and I'm going to hit you over the head with a big club If you don't choose right that somewhere has been lost in the translation. No, whosoever will truly means whosoever will, and there's no strings attached. So I'm I'm optimistic in that way that, as as matrix, like as we've talked about it this past hour and a half, we haven't solved any of the world's problems, and, man, that was the first thing on my agenda. We didn't get around to it. We didn't fix them. No, we didn't fix them.
Speaker 2:When you are able, and you've got a bright idea to fix the world, I want to be the first one you talk to. Let's do it together. But until then, let's let's give ourselves grace, peace, love and acceptance, because when we feel that ourselves, then we're not out riding or killing or robbing or burning a store, down in the grocery store, you know, on the corner street. We're not feeling a need to tell other people down when we've gotten ourselves whole. I say it affects like dropping that little pedal in the proverbial pond. You know, like the first time I've ever been in a car, I've been in a car, I've been in the pedal in the proverbial pond, you know there's, there's ripples that go out. So that's the only piece I can, I can Participate in and recommend is if you're not whole in the inside, if you're not feeling good about yourself, start there, forget about everybody else. You can't fix them anyway, but whosoever will?
Speaker 1:Yeah, agreed, and I fully agree with you. I don't try to fix you you the path to find yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And are you? Do you have the willingness whosoever will, yeah. Do you have the willingness to walk your own path to find you? And this is where, probably where the big phase I'm on right now, when I'm doing my coaching, is an epictetus quote where I've changed a little bit to be gender neutral. But your circumstances, they do not define you. They reveal you to yourself and the way that you treat people. That's who you are.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:You know, it doesn't matter what it is, machiavellian, if you're a liar, if you're a cheat, if you're a manipulator, if you're, you know, too faced, if you're justified, that's you, you know. And if you're, you know, doing good and trying to help and doing what you believe is the right thing, just trying to do like the most honorable, noble, well then, that's you. That's you, that's you. But you'll find you if you pay attention to the things that you're doing and do not create excuses and do not create justifications, because the choices that you use to do that, if you wouldn't be okay with it, done to you.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:You're the problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right. Yeah, the oath that doctors would take is do no harm. I think it's a good oath for all of us Do no harm.
Speaker 1:Let's start there. Start there. Yeah, let's start with don't hurt people unless don't hurt people in a way you don't want to be hurt. Let's just start with that. Let's just start there.
Speaker 2:You got to start someplace.
Speaker 1:I think that's a good. Let's get a first step. Well, do you want someone to hurt you like that? No, well then don't do that to somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sound simple, baby you want someone to tear you down? No, Well, don't do that to people. It sounds simple.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you like when people hate you for the way you were born? No, well then, don't do that to people. Seems pretty simple, seems pretty simple. Well, maybe we should start there. First step everybody to solve your problems. Don't hurt people, and that's probably good, that's probably a good place to start. And hurt people, hurt people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they do.
Speaker 1:And so if you're wanting to hurt people, you have to work on you. Find your peace so you stop wanting to hurt people. And if you want to hurt people, you've just revealed you to yourself. Go work on your stuff.
Speaker 2:You ought to write a book.
Speaker 1:I do write books. Just eat, eat some I don't know who is, and two guys who read it they were like that was a nice book. Yeah, good to you, I'm just kidding. Well, the book is it did. Ok, we're publishing another one this year and we're getting into more.
Speaker 1:But I really appreciate you, shali, I know you got no point in coming up and I know maybe I hijacked a little bit because I wanted to pull it into silliness for a little bit, to kind of really bring your point home that the thing that you said at the very beginning is surrounding us at all times. People don't have the awareness that we're in the middle of it and you being able to give people the hope that you were bringing to. If you're screwing up, it's fine, forgive yourself. You know you don't have to relive these things over and over again, and just changing your thinking just a little bit can take you to a completely different destination. And so it's in our filters, it's in our beliefs and it's in the reality that we can create and it's all around us all the time, every day. Start with you.
Speaker 2:That's right, that's right Love yourself.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you. I appreciate you, Rick. I had a ball again. Thank you so much for inviting me we're going to almost have to do this on a quarterly or half-year basis, but let's not miss this be our last one. Buck and I will keep hanging out with you I love hanging out with you Problems.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what that's going to happen. I'll work on that.
Speaker 1:You're going to be the new political leader, but not of either party, of just the peoples.
Speaker 2:You know I don't think that's a title I would want to have, but thank you for thinking of me.
Speaker 1:We got my vote. You're going to save the world, Charlie.
Speaker 2:One person at a time.
Speaker 1:I'm going to fix everybody. Oh Awesome, thank you so much. We'll definitely do this again. Cool, have a good one.
Speaker 2:Thanks, rick, good to see you again.