The Battlefield Of The Mind
Introducing Rick Yee, author of the groundbreaking book "Everything is a Choice" - where he teaches that even the most complex decisions can be broken down into simple choices.Rick's unique approach is all about training your brain and raising your awareness. Creating the truly authentic, high-value person you were always meant to be. He's helped countless individuals make life-changing decisions and take control of their lives. Don't settle for less than you deserve, start making choices that empower you with Rick Yee's guidance! This is the way, the warrior's way!
The Battlefield Of The Mind
54. From Immigrant to Educational Leader: A Journey with Dr. Lauren Petria
Have you ever wondered how an immigrant, unfamiliar with the language and culture of a new country, can rise to become an influential figure in education? Join us as we sit down with Dr. Lauren Petria, who did just that. Her journey from immigrant to executive director of Talent Acquisition at Aldi and ISD is nothing short of inspirational. Dr. Petria enlightens us on the educational inequalities she witnessed firsthand and emphasizes the critical role of interpreters in providing access to resources for all families. She also offers valuable insights to parents on understanding their rights within the school system.
We all want our children to grow into resilient, confident individuals. We explore this in relation to fostering a growth mindset, emphasizing effort over results - a concept championed by Stanford researcher, Carol Dweck. Hear how Dr. Petria put this theory into practice with her own daughter, fostering resilience and perseverance despite failure. We'll share strategies on how you, too can foster this mindset in your children, creating an environment where they're unafraid to try, make mistakes, and learn.
In a world that often overlooks empathy and kindness, we shine a spotlight on their importance in relationships. We delve into the psychological damage caused by public humiliation and the ways in which we can equip our children to handle the pressures of modern technology. Shifting gears, we then explore the subtleties of nonverbal communication and the importance of setting boundaries. We round off our discussion by talking about the generational curses and the power of knowledge gained from experience. Tune in for a thought-provoking dialogue on education, parenting, empathy, and understanding.
Connect with Dr. Lauren Petria HERE!
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Let's just go for it. All right, dr Lauren? I just wanna make sure I don't. It's Petria, you wanna make sure I?
Speaker 2:don't. Yes, yes, dr Lauren Petria, you got it, you got it.
Speaker 1:We're live right now on Battlefield of the Mind. We're gonna do a quick meet and greet and I know we're doing more later with this one. But, dr Lauren Petria, I know that you are one of the co-authors of Fearless Female Leaders, but then also you've done a lot of stuff when it comes to education, the whole community in this, and we have too many questions for the next 45 minutes. But please introduce yourself and then let's jump in please.
Speaker 2:Okay, hi everyone and hi Rick. My name is Lauren Petria and I'm an executive director of talent acquisition at Aldi and ISD, which is one of the largest school district in the country. We have 84 schools and we have about 4,800 teachers. We serve about 62,000 students and my job is to make sure that we staff all of our schools and that means teachers, para educators, secretaries, all of those positions and then make sure that we really work on our retention to keep our best and then also recruit talents from all over the country. And it's so nice to be here. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:That's an honor and like I think that we were getting into a really cool conversation too when it comes to just the education world and being able to speak like especially in your experience or knowledge, cause a lot of like. We're parents too. I've got three teenage girls and we've had to go in and have like battles of just what is right in an area right now where it seems like it's turning into more of a subjective conversation versus a dialogue or an understanding. Can you please maybe help clear some of the air for us parents who are like well, what's going on behind the scenes before they just start attacking the principal and attacking the superintendent and attacking everybody Like what's going on here, and maybe you can shed some light for understanding?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I actually want to give you guys a little bit of background of why I wanted to be a teacher. So my mom, after my father passed away, moved my brother and I to the United States and I didn't speak any English, so didn't even know the alphabet, and my mom just plopped me into this school as a fourth grader and I didn't know how to navigate the school system and within a year or two I was able to acclimate and speak the language and navigate much better than my mom. So I became kind of the mom and she actually was letting me kind of take the lead. And from there what I experienced was as a child, I could see which students were getting more attention, so someone like me I was invisible. My mom never reached out to school, she never volunteered. I never caused problem, I just sat there and took notes. And what I've learned from being in education as a student was that certain students got special treatments and certain students were left behind. And then I became a teacher and I saw firsthand experience how certain kids get selected to go into certain teachers classrooms and how principals were spending more time with certain parents that are raising money for the schools, and that has been my passion to make sure that not only our students are treated well, but our teachers are also supported and they understand the clear expectations from the school district so that we can really do our job well.
Speaker 2:No child should go to school and feel like they're invisible. So some of the main things that I always tell parents when I have an opportunity to talk to them is you learn by doing it. So I often have meetings with kids with special needs. I always tell parents and also teachers, so I can watch a soccer player play soccer, I can read about it, someone can tell me about it, but only way I'm going to be a better soccer player is actually to play soccer, and that is really the best way. So if you have a child that's struggling in reading, you can read to your kid. Absolutely that helps. You can listen to the audio, you can take classes, but really the best way for your child to become better reader is to read, and I always emphasize that so that people understand like if that's like number one way of getting better. And research shows that when a child is not reading at grade level by second grade, that child is going to struggle. So that's why early intervention is so important, and when I was a school principal, I made sure that my primary team really understand how to teach reading and could really assess students' needs so that we could create a really good intervention plan. Now, if a student is struggling in math and they're not grade level by fourth grade, they're going to struggle. That's why it's so important for school districts to ensure that they provide resources really for those young kids.
Speaker 2:That's one Second thing I always emphasize is interpreters. So we have a lot of families from different countries and parents don't know this. You can request someone to translate for you. It doesn't have to be Spanish, you can be German, french, japanese, and the thing is these parents don't ask for it because they don't know it. And so there's so many things that I always say if you have a friend that is a school administrator, sit down with them and have conversation that I'm having with Rick, because I can go on and on, and then Rick's going to be like oh my gosh, and so. But these are some things that I always want to inform parents that you have rights to do those things.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, that's awesome, so helpful. I just want to make sure I did the thing you said Rick was going to do. Oh my gosh, there's a few things on here. You said, as you notice, of what students were getting more attention, and you said you noticed how kids are selected for special treatment. I don't know much about that. How are they selected? I don't know what you mean. How are they chosen?
Speaker 2:So even when I was a teacher, I would get a little tap in the shoulder and say, hey, make sure you select this student to be your class lead or for this part in a play, and I would have either sometimes teacher saying that mom is very difficult, so you kind of just want to let her have it, or you have principal saying this mom is the president of PTA or booster club and you don't want to ruffle the feathers, I never allow that and I had those very powerful, influential, involved parents getting in my face, getting upset with me, and I always relayed back to my clients or my students.
Speaker 2:I've had parents sending me an email of everything they do for the school. So you have different types of volunteers. You have volunteers that volunteer because they genuinely care about the school and the kids. You have people that volunteer because they want favoritism for their children and you know right away when the first time you say no. So they're all very nice to you, those people that are trying to get something from you, and the first time you say no, I'm not doing that for you or your child or for your family, and then you'll get an email with the list of things that they have done for your school and how much money they have raised, and also their resume and educational background. A good teacher? Not that they're not scored, not that they're not that.
Speaker 1:They're not that they're not, Absolutely not Right.
Speaker 2:And a really good teacher with good moral compass is able to say thank you so much for what you do for our school. But I am going to make my decision based on and then that's what you do, and that is very hard to do.
Speaker 1:Well, even just the sentence having a great moral compass has become very subjective, and that's also become very difficult too, because our belief systems and this is what I write out and I work in the most is our belief systems. But the thing that's interesting about truth is that, in order to be true, all it really requires is agreement.
Speaker 1:It doesn't actually have to even have a fact, because you can have an entire belief system that doesn't require any facts, and so truth now becomes like well, we agree that that's true, so that must be even if it has no evidence, and so here we are with a teacher who their truth and their moral compass and their belief systems are all routed in, whatever it is that they have been bought into for their beliefs, and now that becomes highly subjective with what a good moral compass is.
Speaker 2:Right and it's just sad. And the other thing that you know I think about a lot is parenting and student school experience. So you know, I read somewhere recently that 80% of our students, when you ask them like, do you think your parents love you more if you get better grades and they love you less when you don't get the grades that they expect, 80% of students actually answer yes, my mom and my dad, they love me more when I do better in school. And that is not the case. Right, like you said, you have three daughters. I don't think you're going to love your daughter less if you have one that's not doing great in school. That is not really how it is, but the fact that kids believe that that is something that parents really need to think about what kind of conversations they have at home. So I think that's very important. Two, one of the most important factor of being successful person is who you surround yourself with. So if your child has friends that are making poor choices or they're home, do not check in and make sure that the kids are really being monitored and supported. Those are things that you need to really think about because, like I, as a school administrator, has a doctorate in education.
Speaker 2:I wasn't thinking about that when I first moved to Houston. I'm new to Houston it's over a little over two years and I was so excited for my son to make new friends that even though I saw red flags, so I would have all these kids over, sent a text to parents and say I just fed them. And I would get a text from mom like oh, I didn't know where my kid was. I'm so glad he was at your house. He's a sixth grader, you should know that.
Speaker 2:Or when I'm texting parents saying it's getting dark, they wrote their bike Like are you picking your child up? And they're like no, he could ride bike. You know, in the dark that's a red flag. And I am now really trying to practice what I preach because it's so easy for me to tell everyone these are all the things you should be doing, but I myself was making mistakes and I have to tell myself no, it is so important for me to know the families, know my kids friends and have conversation with my child about importance of doing good work. But also, I love you no matter what and I'm here for you. And you know, I know parents are so busy, but we need to take the time to do that as well.
Speaker 1:All right, that was a pretty complicated stack. I think people may not completely get what you just did, so I'm going to take a couple of the pieces out, get back to the friends and the parenting aspect. But you did mention too, like having the three girls and I'm loved for my grades and one thing that we've started just knowing how the studies go for for educating. What are your thoughts? I'll share my story after. What are your thoughts on like we praise effort, we don't praise results, and then having a grade system in general?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So you know, we I think most people are pretty familiar with Carol Dweck's work from Stanford University. I have a colleague who's actually working with her closely right now at UT and it's all about growth mindset and fixed mindset and this whole study and it's brilliant. And if you haven't read the book, read Carol Dweck's book, the growth mindset. It's a really, really great book and I've done a book study with my teachers when I was a principal in California and the book talks about how we praise our children.
Speaker 2:When you tell your kids you're smart, you're smart, you're smart, they're going to take that as when something gets hard, they're not smart. And even I have done dissertation and thesis on gifted education. And when you tell gifted students, oh you're so smart, you're so smart, you learn faster than other kids, they're going to take it as when things get hard, they shouldn't push through. It's actually us complimenting the effort students make. You work really hard on that assignment because I saw you doing A, b and C, or I know that this was challenging for you, but you use this strategy to work through that. Or let me show you one way we can work on this together. Those are the best ways to communicate with your children, because the message you're sending is that you can learn. Growth mindset means you can learn and you can improve. Fixed mindset is no matter what you do. This is where you're going to be and, as parents, it's so important for us to role model that yeah, I agree We've been doing with our daughters.
Speaker 1:I watched Carol's Ted talk a couple years ago and implementing that too, and like another way we've done that and also is like, uh, we have athletes, but they're also all our girls are high academic performers, like they're like over 4.0. And so it's not because, though, that we're big on grades, because I'm the most lax on grades, like Andrew's like hey, I hope you did good, but these girls work harder for themselves than I ever require of them. I'm like are you going to pass still? And they're like well, yeah, I got like a 4.2. I'm like I'm not worried about the 4.2. Are you? Are you at least doing your best and you're going to pass? I was like a BC student, so I'm like listen, I'm not as concerned. I could never get a. You're doing better than I could ever do so. So there was that aspect by do praise my girls for like, how hard did you try?
Speaker 1:You know, and so one example is our middle daughter. She, uh, she's been trying different sports. She's an athlete, she's really good at basketball and she's fantastic at volleyball and she's like I never did track before, I'm going to try it. We're like, okay, well, she's taller. So they're like you're on hurdles and she's like I don't like that at all. And they're like it's okay, you got it. And she's like, hmm, probably not All right. So here she goes and she's doing hurdles and let's just say, beautiful middle child daughter is the one who would hit the hurdles face, plant scorpion, fall kickers off in the back of the head, just wipe out in front of everybody.
Speaker 1:And this was race after race out, just smashing right, just crashing all over these hurdles, super embarrassing for her right. But she would get up and then she would still finish her race and she'd be like I'll scraped up. But she's like did it? You know? Like one of those things. And some parents would be like, damn, eighth place again. Last place again, damn it. But I was like no, I don't care if you got first or last place.
Speaker 1:What I'm the most proud of you for is that you have the type of character that when you fall down you get up and then you finish your race and I could not be more proud of you for being that kind of person. And it's that kind of stuff where by the end of the season she was getting second place and stuff, but it wasn't because I was trying to get her to win the race, it's because I was proud of her for putting in the effort and having that mindset of I'm going to keep going, even so. Sometimes I'm going to fall down, but we get up and just keep going. It doesn't matter when you finished, you finish and I'm proud of you and it's made. Our girls, our girls are doing very well in all of their sports because we praise practice and they'll come in and they'll be like, look at my, look at my workout gains. I'm like, yeah, you've been working hard, I'm proud of you for what you put in and keep going. You know not going, you made it, you did it. You're the winner.
Speaker 2:Right and good sportsmanship batter. So much. I heard from a coach that most children quit sport on the ride back home with their parents, and the reason is because parents critique everything that the child did wrong, and it is so stressful that that's when the kids like I don't want to do this anymore. And so I think it's so important for parents to, you know, give them kudos for the, the, the effort that they're making, and it's not always about winning. I have a friend who's a scout for a baseball team and he said often he would go and he would hear about the best athletes and he would go so excited to see the kid. But if the child also has a bad attitude towards the teammates or towards the coach, or just not grateful for how good this person is and arrogant, he said, he would walk away and the parents would chase him to the parking lot and say well, I thought you came to, like see my kid, like what's going on? And my friend's like well, it's how he carried himself, like I don't want somebody who's going to act like that on our team.
Speaker 2:Because sportsmanship matters and I think one of the most important things that we can teach our children is empathy and kindness and instead of, you know, saying you're the best, you're the most special. We really need our children to think about how they can contribute to the community and the best way to do that is when we role model it Like same as like I can tell my kid I want you to read 30 minutes every day, like at my house, I read and he reads, he reads his book, I read my book and so I model it. You know I go volunteer at different philanthropical projects. I, you know, include him in things or I tell him about it. And I think it's so important for us to model kindness and empathy if we want our children to have that as well.
Speaker 2:And you know even private college admissions so we have a lot of parents are like I want my kid to go to these universities. You know when they do interviews they're watching your child, how your child is coming into the interview, how your child is speaking to you know the secretary as they check in, how they end the interview. And I read about a kid who had a teacher from his school come on a Saturday so he can be interviewed for this Ivy League school and he never thanked the staff member for hey, thank you for coming on a Saturday and that was the reason why he was not accepted, and I think it's so important for us to always help our children how to be a good person.
Speaker 1:So many. You're just firing off all of these points that people are getting. They're getting like one or two out of these like just bombs are dropping. Alright, let me see if I can try and summarize this, to see if I can say it in a different way. One thing that I noticed here is everything all the way back to the volunteer scorekeeper slash. You know it's called what it is manipulators of parents who try to control the school, the parents with who critique their kids, and they are going hard as far as, like, whether they're good or bad, you're doing, I'm trying to, you know, tell you how you could have done it better and why aren't you doing it. You can, I want you to win. You need to be a winner in our housework champions.
Speaker 1:You know, you know that kind of thing and then being able to go through like who your friends can and can't be.
Speaker 1:It's an interesting game on this one, you know, even when we get into the difficult moms and the nepotism that's in there too.
Speaker 1:One thing I'm seeing is a common denominator If you look at all this, this is absent of the kind of sympathy part I'll get to that in a second Is all this stuff of you're watching the parents who are like I'm trying to be the difficult mom so that my kid can have a better life. I'll control the school and I know that controls at the core of what most people's fears and things. They're going to volunteer so they can control the faculty and the end you they're going to control. They're going to send emails and try and control you with their emotions and what they believe they think is right. And if you look at all of these things, I'm going to try and control my kids skills and abilities because I want them to get into a better school so they can have a better life. If you look at the very negative way these things are done, it seems like it's a combination of trying to control, doing our best and having good intentions done in a terrible way.
Speaker 1:And it seems like if parents really took a second to realize even your parents had the best of intentions, but a lot of times, the best intentions create generational curses. Right and this is what we're doing is each of these things is a toxic way to do something that you mean. Well, and this is where people get confused as they think like, well, no, that's for helping my kid out. I want them to win and I want them to have a better education. I want them to succeed. And it's like, yeah, but you're trying to force compliance on the people who volunteer and maybe you're not getting it. That's not how that works. It's kind of like I'm going to force love. It's like, no, you don't force love, you fall in love. It's a surrender, not a, not a demand. And so you're watching these people trying to say I'm going to force you to be good, I'm going to force you to do this. Which is that moral compass? Again, I believe I know what is right, because I just made up the rules for it.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Well, that's tricky. Now you said, let's get into empathy and kindness and let's just say this is something this world is missing across the board, especially when you get in a relationship. I just had a female coach live with this yesterday. We've we've done a few podcasts with her too, and one of the things I've noticed when I work with both men and women is the lack of empathy. I work with men, the lack of empathy in relationships, for, you know, women to men.
Speaker 1:This comes even at a young age, because I also look at how much empathy there are for boys, especially teenage boys. That's when it changes from love you for being a boy to what are you going? To provide. As a man, we start learning.
Speaker 1:Our value changes very quickly, well this is very tough when it comes to just teaching empathy and kindness, because where is it being removed? And it seems like all levels Like everything from like. I talked to a guy yesterday who just joined our men's group who one of his curses came from being completely dismantled and shamed when he was eight years old in school from a girl who just shredded him in front of everybody. Oh, no.
Speaker 1:Just publicly humiliated him just for being like. Actually, her entire shame attack was like look at you, you're pathetic. Look at your shoes, your haircut, look at who you are why would anybody ever want to play with you? Right? And that he's like I was eight. I had no defense, and that girl that created a wrinkle in my brain, that that shaped the way that I interact with people. So where's empathy and kindness come from? And also this eight year old girl learned that behavior from who?
Speaker 2:From someone, most likely parents. Yeah, so this is rare.
Speaker 1:A lot of times we're all doing our best but, damn it, are we destroying our kids, no matter which way we're doing it, because we think that our moral compass is right, because it's my belief system. It does not need facts, does not need truth. I just made it up and then I'm not. Dr, Lauren Tria, you guys, you have to deal, you have to fix it.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, and that's why a lot of people are leaving the profession A lot of you know we have national teacher shortage. It's a crisis. People don't want to teach unless people are getting into education and when I go and visit schools, I am blown away by how students are. You have some amazing kids that are really motivated to be there and you have some kids that are just so disrespectful to teachers and it has to be trained at an early age how they need to be. And you know we do our best to be there every day and we do our best to start, because our job is to help those kids. But it gets hard.
Speaker 2:And when you gave that example of the podcast guest talking about his experience as an eight year old child, I think I'm sure you have experience and I have experience where people have not been very kind to us and you know the thing I say to myself is because I don't respect you, like what you say to me doesn't hurt me, right? I'm not going to do that because I'm 42 years old and I have life experience and work experience and I'm confident myself. I know who loves me and I know who I am. But you know it happens.
Speaker 2:And what's really interesting is so my husband is Caucasian and I have noticed in California when we used to live there, people knew that we're together. No one ever questioned that that's not my husband and now, being in the Midwest and going to different places around here, people assume we're not together. Like I find it fascinating. We would have lunch and then the waitress would say would you like to split your check? Or I've had someone say something really nasty to me just because I was with my husband, which I'm not gonna say on your podcast, but I do think this is not that kind of podcast.
Speaker 1:You can say whatever you want, I don't care. It's weird for us to say the warrior's way and we have to be super censored. If you wanna say something, feel free.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this woman just walked past by me and said whore slut, and it's my husband and I are walking together.
Speaker 1:Why would she talk to your husband like that? Why would she say that to him?
Speaker 2:Often, maybe he was dressed like one.
Speaker 1:I don't know, listen, maybe he deserved whatever he was wearing.
Speaker 2:He's man, right, but just like that, and I walk away thinking ignorant, probably unhappy with your life, and then I move on and so things happen and I just do that. And one of the most important thing I think we could also teach our children is resiliency. I don't know how I can navigate middle school now, everything on social media Snapchat, tiktok to know everything. You're not invited to. People writing mean comments to you, also seeing all these models and thinking that this is how you're supposed to look.
Speaker 1:And you're not even gonna be close to that as a preteen.
Speaker 2:And then also Photoshopping. I mean, this is edited. No one looks that perfect. I'm sure there are a few but, and even the perfect like what's considered beautiful, the standards right, and I feel so bad for the kids that are navigating middle school and high school now.
Speaker 1:Three of these things. I'm well aware we have to do talks, but I don't think. I think it's more of an exposure with explanation. But, like you also know, as parents we, even if we, are highly influential in their life I would be happy and proud if I know I'm at least 10% of the influence in there. If I make 10%, I'm gonna be like way higher than I thought. Like they're with their devices. They spend way more time with these than they do us, and it's not even by like we don't want to. It's just the reality of like. That's the thing that there is in this modern age, and so you're not wrong at all. But teaching resiliency also comes from being able to explain. But can we also be very real here?
Speaker 1:Even watching the social dilemma, the people who create the apps these kids are using are also like it's out of control. We don't even let our kids use it. Like I can't even use it. The way that it's designed is designed to literally steal your life. That's what it's trying to do, because it wants to get every minute you have. And it's like these kids don't have a single chance against this, because the creators of the app are like I can't beat it.
Speaker 2:I gotta get out of there, yeah, and like back in the day when we were little, you come home and that's it. Your parents do not have to fight against outside factors like your own. I mean, in our day came out when I was in high school. So now I have my kid and I have to constantly check devices in, I have to constantly monitor what he's doing, and that's the reality, and for most parents, working parents this is like a whole another job, and so that's also very important too.
Speaker 2:So, like for my family, we just sit down dinner and I love to cook and because I'm such a type A person, I plan out the menu for the week because I'm a very, very busy person and we sit down together and phone. Everything has to be put away and it's dinner time and it's forced. And I hope one day, because I have one son, he'll look back and say I'm so glad my mom did that Right now. It's not a cool thing. He's like oh, my friends, parents, they let kids just grab whatever they want and they could go watch TV or we could feed in our room. He's 13.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, you know the psychology on a 13 year old's phone. I don't have to give you wild numbers on this one. They show what a 13 year old boy's phone is for. I think it was Dr Hyte who was like no, we know what the boy's phones are for. It's different for boys and girls with these phones. Here's the thing is a teenage boy's phone and it's so funny, the ignorance of parents. So a teenage boy's phone, first off is a mobile porn hub. Let's just call it what it is. The thing is it's used for three things. It's used for sports friends.
Speaker 1:Also you could throw in games with sports. Sports games, friends porn that's what that thing is for.
Speaker 1:And so I remember one lady when I was still working at Verizon Wireless. I remember a lady came in and she's like there's somebody hacking my son's phone at night. I know that he's asleep, it is his bedtime and somehow someone is looking up naked pictures on his device when he's supposed to be sound asleep. And we're like, yeah, somebody must be hacking his device to get these. Like there's no other device they could find these photos except for his phone. So it must be a hacker. A hacker is getting him.
Speaker 1:We're like oh, lower lady, no, that's, your boy knows how to Google boobies. Like no.
Speaker 2:So when I was a middle school principal many years ago, I never thought I'd talk about penis as much as I had to. It's like somebody printed pictures of penis, somebody wrote something with penis, somebody's sending pictures of their genitalia to all these things, and I told my husband. I said, oh my gosh, like I never thought that I'd become a teacher, then become an assistant principal, and this is all I talk about Naked photos and things like that. And then I have to like, investigate and kids share these photos. Then I have to get police involved, because this is a minor photo, then I have to get parents involved. It's a lot.
Speaker 1:And this is why I say exposure with education. We do it with our girls too, and there's a lot more to it too. It's not just the nudity aspect of it also, because then you go into the issue that's going on with girls and that goes more into the reputation demolition and the way that females bully us is. These are the tools of destruction and this is how girls will use it more common, not to say boys cannot, because guys can be just recklessly stupid and that probably falls more under the boy aspect, but girls will create accounts to destroy somebody and they do it deliberately.
Speaker 1:And this gets into a whole other thing. Not to mention you get into the girls who are put into high medication, Like they're diagnosed incorrectly most of the time with symptoms, where they're in high medication and they want to fit in. And our girls, one of them fell for the trap where they wanted to fit in with a friend who was also into very negative algorithms for self harm and fell right into this trap and so if you look.
Speaker 1:That's why I liked Dr Height when he was talking about like. If you look at what's going on with boys and social media the uptick in issues has gone up like a couple of percentage.
Speaker 1:The uptick in young girls it looks like a bike ramp, it's going whoosh Like this is affecting young women because of the social and acceptance aspect of how women are wired. Young girls are trying to fit in, they're trying to find their place, they're trying to have the popularity to match and now it's a global comparison instead of just a community comparison for them to be able to develop and it's impossible and you're watching so much more harm being done and they've even shown the studies for girls. If they're kicked out of a group or they know they're exiled or they're ridiculed behind their back by people creating, like you said, a Snapchat group which we removed from our daughters. They don't have Snapchat. I also believe it's going to create a lot of social issues within just having any type of ability to be sentimental, like I think it's going to destroy sentimentality because everything is designed to be deleted everything, so nothing matters.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that goes long-term.
Speaker 1:There's no photo album for them. Everything I've ever been sent is supposed to disappear. But then also we've found too that the reason to have something disappear only invites a lack of consequence. And when you look at choices, people will only go as far as a consequence allows. If there are no consequences, then people start doing way different, like very different things, and Snapchat seems to be they could probably change it to cheater chat because it's designed to be. I can send things that are supposed to disappear and no one will ever know. There are no capabilities, there's nothing to be caught, so that's an invitation for doing naughty things. No different wood stock 99. When you see what happens when these kids have no there's no security, no parents, no laws, what does it look like? And it's like we burn the place to the ground.
Speaker 2:And that. So one of my friend who's a teacher, she gave me this example. She said her son went to a middle school dance and then he came home and then she said, well, did you get a chance to dance with a girl? And he said, well, I didn't know how to dance. And she said, oh my gosh, like when you go to a library, you tell your students, because she's a teacher, this is the inside boys, this is how you walk in, this is how you sit. But she forgot to talk to her son about what middle school dance is like. I mean, I'm sure it's different than when we went to middle school, but just to say, you go up to a girl and say, hey, you want to dance and this is how you dance and this is where you put your hands and this is how you slow dance, and so, like learning that from her, I do that with my son.
Speaker 2:So we do carpool with soccer buddies and I always tell them you should not be on your phone. When you're in a carpool group and a parent is driving, you say Rick, if you're the driver, you say hi, mr Rick, thank you so much for driving me today. How are you today? And have a conversation with you and then when you get off the car, you say thank you so much for taking us to practice today.
Speaker 2:And those are etiquette that you have to teach your children, because I often drive kids around and they're on their phone, they don't even say hi to me. And then when I pull over to say, hey guys, we're here, and then they just go and you know which families are reinforcing. Hey, this is what you need to do. And same as how they talk to each other. I often totally eavesdrop on my kid when he's out with his friends or they're in their room, because I want to hear how they talk. And kids can be very, very mean to each other, especially boys. They're like you're slow, you're a loser, and I have to really reiterate my son and say that's not okay. And he says well, this is how boys talk.
Speaker 2:It is not okay to put people down.
Speaker 1:There is a thing for boys and this goes for all men there's. It's a little reverse for the way boys do it, because while it may definitely just objectively fall under, this is doing harm. Also, it is weird for boys that we do we harp on each other when we like that guy. So we do that Like our guys, even the Warriors. We'll have fun, but we'll also like go to battle and we'll fight through anxiety, depression, fear, doubt, body dysmorphia, you name it. We'll fight it, but then after that we'll rag on each other over your hair as a mullet or like goof on each other still and have a good time. Messing with each other and razzin' on each other is also a part of camaraderie and love too. So with boys there is a healthy way that we do goof on each other. So it's hard for the I know women when they're women, the women to see it yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a little cattyer and there's like a lot more like waiting for you to say just kidding, and it never comes. You're like oh, those shoes make you look slutty, and you're like right, yeah. You're just kidding, right Right. You're like can you say so? It's like oh no, you don't like that shit. That would just be a meanest fuck, okay, I see.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I see that. And with girls we say much nicer things to your face, usually do a lot of behind the back talk With boys. They say things they don't mean and they go at it and some kids could say it back and then everything is okay. But some kids cannot. And so my big thing with my son is you need to read your audience and you need to also let your friends know. Like if you go after the same kid over and over again, that kid may feel one way and the nonverbal body communication is so important, even dating, like when I was single. One of my friends as a psychologist said you learn so much by just watching people and it was one of the best dating tips she's ever given me. She said you just sit and watch and guys are very simple If they're interested, they're gonna approach you.
Speaker 1:Super simple.
Speaker 2:If they're interested, they're gonna call you. If they're interested, they're gonna ask for another date. But then women sit around and like is he gonna call me, Is he interested? If he hasn't called, he's not interested, you move on. And there was that book. He's just not that into you. I could have wrote that. I'm like darn it, that's something I need back in the day. But that's another thing. Right, as adults, when we communicate, we have to read that nonverbal body communication as well.
Speaker 1:Sure, yeah, and like it doesn't always work out in people's favor. You know cause? I did the same thing too. Just, I loved watching people on first dates and watching the mannerisms and what they believe, and this is even funnier what they believe is their best foot forward, cause people always try and do what they think is the best on a first date and sometimes it's total shenanigans and I'm like what character are you being today, interesting, like, so they're doing what they think people like the most.
Speaker 1:But it's funny, like you said, with your boy being able to go like, hey, watch how you go in. I think there's an aspect of when it comes to generational curses and us trying to teach. Like I said, if you're getting 10% in, you're lucky, because a lot of the lessons that you're teaching is taught by life. Because there is a point as a boy where you have to razz, razz, razz, razz and then someone goes stop it, man, I'll stop you and you're going, you ain't gonna do nothing, cause no one's ever done nothing. And then bam, and they're like oh, somebody did something. And then later as guys, we go like well, I'll razz.
Speaker 1:But I also understand at some point if I go too far. Sometimes I get punched in the face, so I'm more aware of lines now, and so that's a natural part of the evolution, at least for boys, and real talk, I'm gonna put it out there not a proprietor for violence. I think everyone should know what getting hit in the beak feels like, because it makes everybody know there's at least a line for humans. Now I say, and like it should be indifferent. I was actually joking with a blind DJ, the guy who's like he's blind since he was, I think, four years old.
Speaker 1:And I was like we're just gonna have our disabled, blind guy be the one who does it, because he can't see who he's punching. So it's the same for everybody. And then everybody knows what it feels like to get one of those, just so you know, sometimes, when you really mean, somebody may have to do that to you to show you that's their line. Am I saying everyone should be punching everybody? No. I'm just saying everybody should know what it feels like. That's all.
Speaker 2:So, as a school administrator, parents always say you don't start it, but you finish it right. So that's what people say. I know people say it because my friends tell their kids for me. I always tell my kids if somebody ever hurts you, you walk away, you walk away. And the reason is if he punches back, you both be suspended. You both be suspended. As a school administrator you both. And depends on the violence, you both be cited.
Speaker 1:I got a question for you. Now this is something that gets, because I actually was gonna create a nonprofit for anti-bullying for this reason, whatever it is with these parents who want to run your school for you makes it so that a teacher cannot stop a child from beating on another child, can't grab that kid anymore, right, right, right. Which means if there's a kid getting completely decimated, who's?
Speaker 2:coming to save him. No one, no one Police. Most middle and high schools have police.
Speaker 1:What's the response time?
Speaker 2:It depends on the size of your campus and also where you're fighting right and how discreet you're being.
Speaker 1:Let's just give it a middle ground Five minutes.
Speaker 2:I would say five to 10 minutes.
Speaker 1:Have you ever been in a combat scenario in your life?
Speaker 2:I personally know, but I have intervened kids getting in fights.
Speaker 1:Okay Now. I have trained combat training for multiple years. I've traveled the country for combat training. I've been in a lot of fights. Let me tell you five minute round is a lifetime. If you have somebody, let's just say like somebody, twice your strength and size, pounding, on you for five minutes. That's like five years and so to say, like the police are coming. I have a lifetime of beatings. I can drop in in five minutes and I can still get out of there in plenty of time.
Speaker 2:And most employees will jump in Like as an administrator, I had to intervene, I'll do it. But we actually have an assistant principal here in Houston who was hurt trying to intervene, a fight and was hospitalized. So we've had teachers get injured. So that is not something we tell our teachers that you have to do, but we do train them on how to hold kids to not get hurt. So I've been trained on how to hold children in certain positions so that I don't hurt myself and I don't hurt kids. But I'm only five, three and middle and high school boys are bigger than me, stronger than me, and so that is definitely an issue. And there are, unfortunately, kids fighting on campuses and kids get hurt and we try to be proactive and make sure that kids are separated before they're going to lunch, or you have people monitoring or people are on a behavioral plan and there are all these things that we put in place, but it does happen and unfortunately, kids get hurt.
Speaker 1:It's a tough game and this is where I looked at the nonprofit I was going to do. Is there? Are kids who are just good kids just trying to go to school. They're not trying to pick fights and bullies, especially men. Women do. Girls do it too, but they're different. They'll choose based on the weakest. That's how they're totally target. They pick their target based on the week.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and also it's your reaction, like if someone say something to your, do something to you, and they know they got you, they will continue to go after you, which is so unfortunate, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think on this one I know we got to put, you got to go right now, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, let's put a pin in this one. I do have a meeting.
Speaker 1:Good, let's put a pin in this one. We're going to get into the deeper conversations on this one again. We're going to schedule and we're going to go longer when we got some more time.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:But I really appreciate you, doc. Thank you so much for hanging with us and we're going to we're going to do another episode and continue this conversation and we're going to post this and people can say I got questions, I got questions, I got questions, and then we can set it straight, because I already know I'm going off into the parent side of like hey, what are you supposed to do here? And you're like it's not a fun game on either side here.
Speaker 2:So yeah, sounds great. Thank you so much for having me. This was so fun and I look forward to our next podcast.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I'll talk to you later, okay, bye.